Self Inserting Dragon Lord
by DragonLord RyuKizoku
Summary: I was just a regular guy. Sure, I enjoyed My Little Pony, but I never though I would be a part of it! This is the story of what happens during my time in Equestria. (A/N: My first fanfic, so plz read it. Rated M for reasons. BUT NO LEMONS!)
1. Dragon Lord goes to Equestria

A/N: Hey, DragonLord here, just saying that this chapter's been rewritten, and made about twice aslong as it was originally. If you're reading the story for the first time, I would suggest following it and waiting for updates to read the next chapter. For all of you who have been reading this for a while, well, you already saw how I've been using chapter 26 to keep you up to date on my progress. Either way, new reader or not, with everything I plan to have in here by the time I'm completely finished rewriting the story, it's definitely worth your time to keep an eye on it. And if you need something else to read while you wait for the next rewritten chapter, well, here's a full list of stories I would recommend to anyone who hasn't already scrolled down the actual story:

A Journey Beyond Sanity by The Warrior of Twilight

A Second Chance by 0-Blazing Sun-0

The God Particle by MoonriseUnicorn

BLANK by Carrier of Heartbreak

My Second Life: The Adventures of Coal Buck by DuNamarSundavar

Not the Hero by Alara Rogers

The Monster of Canterlot by drnkntst

The Lost Element by XD-385

Tales of the Oppressed by Terran34

No, they aren't in any specific order, and of course, I know someone's out there thinking, 'Hey, I've read this already.' Well, keep in mind that not everyone has, and the list is for anyone and everyone who sees this and want to read something else while they wait. Anyway, I've gone on long enough in this author's note, so without further adieu…

ON TO THE STORY!

* * *

30 minutes past midnight, I sneak out of my room, looking to make sure everyone else is asleep. I'm referring, of course, to my sister and father, who seem to have no respect for privacy, barging into my room any time they see fit, regardless of whether or not the door is closed, and God forbid it be locked when they try to do so. Considering what I'm about to do, that's the last thing I want, assuming I plan to keep it a secret…

Of course, even now it's a poorly kept secret, as my best friend, Adam, another of my friends from elementary school, and my own mother already know. Heck, they didn't even find out because I slipped up, I told them. Unfortunately, the other friend decided to tell her friends right in front of me, despite my insistence that it stay a secret.

After a few minutes of carefully, silently walking through the house, I find that both my sister and father are fast asleep, leaving me free to go about my business. I go back to my room, taking less care in doing so, knowing both are heavy sleepers, and turn on my laptop. It's a complete piece of shit, but at least it gets the job done. I really can't complain, seeing as it was a gift from my mother, and literally the only thing I have to access the internet with.

Pulling up Chrome, I go to the same website I do every night, and pull up a video. Within moments, it loads, and sound fills the room. Upon realizing my mistake, I immediately pause it, scrambling around in the dark looking for my headphones, and plug them in, starting the video again. Then, I remember, my cup of tea from earlier is in the fridge.

I walk to the kitchen, leaving the video playing this time – it's not like I'll miss anything important in the first minute - open the fridge, and grab my cup before going back into my room. Putting on my headphones as I sit down, I hear music begin to play, and know that whatever I may have missed is of no consequence.

* * *

_My Little Pony,_

_My Little Pony,_

_Ah ah ah aaaah,_

_My Little Pony,_

_I used to wonder what friendship could be,_

_My Little Pony,_

_until you all shared it's magic with me!_

_Big adventure!_

_Tuns of fun!_

_A beautiful heart!_

_Faithful and strong!_

_Sharing kindness,_

_it's an easy feat,_

_and magic makes it all complete!_

_Yeah My Little Pony,_

_Do you know you're all my very best friends?_

* * *

Nearing the end of the second episode I've watched tonight, I suddenly start to feel extremely tired, and before I even realize it, my head hits the desk and I'm out.

Upon waking from my dreamless sleep, before I even open my eyes, I notice something pressing into my back, and roll over. Opening my eyes, I see green. It only takes a second for it to register that I shouldn't be seeing green in my bedroom. Lifting up, I realize that it's grass, which most definitely shouldn't be in my room… and that I'm not wearing my glasses. Great…

It only takes a moment to spot them, about a foot away from me, next to a wheel… Wait, what's up with that wheel? It looks like something out of a cartoon! And so does the rest of the wheelbarrow attached to it…

Shaking my head, I grab my glasses and put them on, hoping that the cartoon-like appearance of the wheelbarrow was somehow caused by my nearsighted vision, and not…

God dammit. Okay, what the hell?! Why does this wheelbarrow look like something out of a cartoon?!

…And so do all the trees around this clearing, _WHICH I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW I EVEN GOT INTO!_

"Fuck it. I'm just going to ignore it, and go on about – wait, I _can't_ go on about my day cause I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE FUCK I AM!"

At my outburst, I hear a small "Eep!" over to my left, causing me to swing my head around and look, to see a bush shaking for a moment. Curiosity driving me, I go over to look, and spread the bush open to reveal… Fluttershy.

As I look at her, cowering down, her hooves covering her face, it becomes clear to me. I'm dreaming. Only explanation. Finally, a lucid dream! Been waiting to have one of these for years! And now, for my next trick, I will fly into the air!

...Why am I not flying? Come on, that's how a lucid dream works, I can do whatever I want! There is literally no reason this shouldn't be… God dammit…

"I'm not dreaming, am I?"

At that, Fluttershy peeks out from behind her hooves to look at me, and lets out a small sound. Considering the circumstances, I can guess what she said, so I just take a few steps back from the bush and sit down, waiting for her to come out on her own.

It doesn't take long, only 4 minutes, before she emerges from the bush, sees me sitting not even five feet away, and ducks back in. A minute later, she peeks out again, and actually comes completely out of hiding. Huh. First time meeting a pony, Fluttershy out of all of them, and I'm doing better than Twilight did. I'll take that as a good sign.

Fluttershy, mustering up all of her courage, walks up to me, and says, in a quiet voice, "Wh-what are you, exactly? Oh, if you don't mind my asking, that is."

"For now, that can wait. You don't have to worry, I won't attack you, I'm just wondering where I am."

Clearly somewhere in the Everfree, given the trees, and not all that far from Ponyville, considering Fluttershy's presence. Of course, being a stranger, let alone the fact that I'm a human, something non-existent in Equestria, I shouldn't know that, so I let her tell me, which she does.

"Well, this is the Everfree forest, just outside of Ponyville. Normally, ponies stay away, because of how strange this forest is, but I have some animal friends who live here, so I was coming to check on them when I heard you yelling. I think you know the rest."

Called it. Now, I think I'll -

My train of thought cuts off as I once again see the wheelbarrow, this time out of the corner of my eye, and notice that it's actually full. Turning to get a better look, I can see my Xbox 360 and my piece of shit laptop sitting at the top, and likely more of my stuff below them.

Turning back to Fluttershy, I say, "Well, as pleasant as this forest is, perhaps we should go somewhere else to talk. Maybe that Ponyville place you mentioned?"

"Oh no, not yet! Everypony would get scared and run away as soon as they saw you! We can go to my house instead, it's a lot closer anyway. Um, that is, if you want to."

"Sounds fine to me. Just let me grab this stuff real quick," I say, walking towards the wheelbarrow.

* * *

After about 5 minutes of walking, we finally exit the Everfree, Fluttershy's cottage already coming into view. Before I can walk much farther, however, _something_ hits me from behind, _hard_, knocking me off my feet. When there's no second assault, I roll over, and look for my attacker. Of course, it's none other than Rainbow Dash, who likely has assumed I'm some horrible monster from the Everfree.

Before I have a chance to do anything else, Fluttershy runs over to me, lifting me up a bit, and then pulling my shirt up so that she can see my back

"Ouch. What was that for, you flying blue ball of fur?! Geez, way to make a good first impression. 'Huh, some creature I've never seen before walking behind another pony, might as well try and kill it.' Is that what you were thinking?"

Rainbow Dash is my favorite pony from the show, for good reason, but sometimes even she can do something so stupid that I cringe. Meeting her in person, it's apparent those moments of impeded judgment are more common, or at least that she has a 'Dive-bomb first, ask questions later' policy when it comes to anything she hasn't seen before.

Surprised by my response, likely just that there was one, she sputters, "W-wait a minute, you can talk?! Fluttershy, what is this thing?!"

"Right now, he's hurt, and it's your fault! Why would you attack him?"

Rubbing a hoof behind her head, Rainbow replies, "I, uh, thought he was some kind of monster..."

Finally determining that Rainbow didn't cause any permanent damage, Fluttershy drops my shirt back down and around to face me.

"I know this isn't a good time, but, uh, you still haven't told me what you are..."

Dropping my face into my hand, I respond, "A human," then lower my hand, before continuing, "and my name is Joseph."

"Well, um, my name is Fluttershy, and this is Rainbow Dash."

Turning towards the blue pegasus, I say, "Well, in different circumstances, I'm sure it _would_ have been nice to meet you.

Interrupting me, Rainbow pipes up, "Yeah, sorry about that… Anyway, you said you were a human, right?"

Confused, I ask, "Yes. Why?"

Rather than answer the question, Rainbow grabs my arm and pulls me behind her for a moment, saying, "Come on, let's go!"

Not waiting to make sure I'm following, Rainbow begins to fly off, though nowhere near her top speed. Shaking my head, I stand up and begin to jog after her, wondering just where she's leading me.

* * *

Eventually, she stops in front of a house with Japanese writing (or Chinese, I can never tell) above the door. Not giving me a chance to question her, she knocks, and after a moment, a red unicorn with a green and white striped mane steps out.

"What do you want, Rain-"

Seeing me, his words die in his mouth and his jaw drops. Regaining his composure after a short second, he walks over and introduces himself.

"Why hello there, my fellow human, I am Otaku Lord. Now, I know you're slightly confused about that human bit there, but allow me to explain. I'm from Earth, which I assume you are as well, and the circumstances by which I ended up here likely aren't going to seem very realistic to you, but here we go.

"My human name is John Whittaker, and, back when I was on Earth, I was quite the artist. Admittedly, I would only draw anything for fun, and I only used pencils, but I was quite good at it. After a few… Uh, actually, Rainbow, could you leave for this part? I'm afraid it's not something a pony would be able to understand."

Confused, I watch as Rainbow shrugs and flies off, then turn back to Otaku.

"Now, where was I… Ah yes, after a few months of watching My Little Pony – now you know why I asked her to leave – I drew a picture of my OC. Now, this is where it gets a little weird… I'll just summarize it, for your sake. The OC was how I imagined myself if I were here in Equestria, something decided that I should be, and now I'm here as a pony. Any questions?"

I stare at him for a moment, before saying, "A few, actually… First, how the fuck did drawing a pony turn you into one, let alone throw you into Equestria?!"

With a sigh, he replies, "I don't know, and I was pretty sure I just made that clear enough. Regardless, since I came here, anything I draw – so long as I don't erase while drawing it – appears in the Everfree. And I only know _that_ because Fluttershy found a sword and shield out there – The Master Sword and a Hylian Shield, to be specific. Next question?"

Shaking my head, I say, "That makes no sense, but fuck it. What episode are we on?"

"Well, episode five was last week, and they've been in chronological order so far, so..."

"Okay… Well, now for the most important question; what am I going to do about meat?"

At that he opens his mouth to say something, only to close it as if he only just realized he didn't have an answer. After a moment, he finally says, "Go talk to Twilight..."

* * *

A/N: Well, it isn't nearly as long as I originally thought it would be, but it's good enough for the first chapter, right? Anyway, feel free to leave a review, or send a PM if you already left one on the original chapter, and if you're a new reader, be sure to check the final chapter to see which is the newest chapter in the rewrite.


	2. To the Library

A/N: The last chapter turned out pretty good, if I do say so myself, but now on to the next. For any of the readers who saw the original version of this chapter, at least one change will be obvious; the joke at the end of the chapter is _not_ reappearing in the rewrite, and all the better for it. I feel that it was scaring off readers before they had a chance to really get into the story.

Also, 0-Blazing Sun-0 is apparently pretty busy, so no editing from him this time. But anyway, let's just get…

ON TO THE STORY!

* * *

Considering that there were several hours of daylight left – at least, so it seemed to me, but I'm no Equestrian – I start on my way to the library after talking to Otaku. I had already cut through the town once earlier with Rainbow Dash, her presence assuring the ponies that I was no monster, but now I'm alone as I do so. I feel the eyes of numerous ponies staring at me, and with every step a sense of unease grows within me.

After about a minute of walking, I realize I have no fucking clue where the library is. Great… Now I have to ask one of these ponies for directions.

Shaking my head, I walk over to the first pony that catches my eye. The earth pony has a generic color scheme, a dull green coat with a blue mane, and a confused look upon his face when he notices me walking towards him.

Before I reach him, however, something hits my back, _again_, knocking me off my feet, _again_. After hitting the ground, I feel a weight pressing down on my back, and in an aggravated tone, say, "Get. Off. Me. _**Now**_."

The weight on my back shifts slightly, and a voice innocently asks, "Who said that?"

At that, I let out a groan, and roll over, throwing the pony off my back, then turn to see who it is. And the winner is…

Derpy. Of course. Who else would randomly crash into me at a time like this? Eh, one pony is as good as another, I guess.

"Why, hello random pegasus that crashed into me, by chance could you direct me to the local library?"

She turns her head towards me, her one eye drifting off to the side, and replies, "Sure! Just follow me!"

* * *

After nearly 20 minutes of walking around Ponyville, the pegasus clearly having no clue where she's going the whole time, we end up at the Mayor's office, rather than the library.

"Ya know, I had heard that the library was a tree, but I guess not."

Confused, Derpy turns towards me, and says, "I just don't know what went wrong..."

Off to my left, I hear somepony mumbling, and turn to see Mayor Mare walking towards us, her face hidden behind some document. Seeing the opportunity for what it is, I walk over and tap her head to get her attention.

Looking up from the document, she immediately pulls back, surprised by my height. She quickly corrects herself, however, and says, "Uh, hello. Do you need something?"

"Yes, actually. Directions to the library. I was following this pony here," I say, gesturing to Derpy, "but clearly she doesn't know where she's going."

"Ah, directions to Golden Oaks Library. Well, you're in luck, because you aren't too far off. Just go down this road here, and turn left at Sugar Cube Corner. You'll know when you see it, it looks like a gingerbread house."

I nod, saying a goodbye to both the Mayor and Derpy, then head off towards the library.

* * *

After another five or so minutes of walking, I _FINALLY _reach the library, and knock on the door.

A voice from inside yells from a farther room, "COMING!"

I wait patiently, and after a moment, Spike opens the door. He jumps up in surprise before ducking behind the door, seemingly scared of the mysterious, tall creature looking down on him.

"W-what are you?!" He asks hurriedly.

"A human. Something you may or may not have heard of from a pony named Otaku. Now, I was told that I should come here to ask the librarian about some… important issues."

Spike quickly nods and hurries over to the stairs, nearly stumbling as he goes up them. After a moment, Twilight comes down, Spike trailing behind her.

Twilight turns towards me, excitement brightening her features, before a notepad and quill appear in a flash before her, suspended in the air by her magic. "I have _soooooooooooo_ many questions for you!"

"Questions Otaku couldn't have already answered for you," I deadpan, "because clearly, he knows nothing about humans. Not like he used to be one or anything."

She laughs sheepishly, and puts the notepad down. "Sorry... the excitement of actually meeting a human must have gotten to me."

"Besides, as Spike should have told you, I'm here to ask _you_ some questions, not the other way around. Now, be warned, these questions are regarding some serious issues, at least if I plan to stay in Equestria."

Spike, being his usual self, walks off to return to trying to nap in a different room.

"First and foremost… As you may know, humans are omnivores. That means we eat meat as well as plants," I continue after Spike leaves. " Any suggestions for where I can get some, or am I just going to have to go out hunting every week?"

I hope not, because being a shut in like me, only leaving the house to go to school or visit my mom, and being on my computer all the time, I'm not exactly athletic. I also have no experience with hunting, so yeah, hopefully there's another option…

She grimaces a little as I say that. "Unfortunately… I don't know any way of you getting… _meat…_" She says the last word in obvious disgust, but continues, "However, there are some alternatives. If all you need is the protein, there are quite a few different sources, and I believe I read something once about a spell that allows carnivores to survive on an herbivorous diet."

"I see… Well, any of those might work. I suppose we'll just have to try a few of them until we find the best one. Now, for my next question…"

This question is purely for appearances sake, but I have to ask it anyways.

"Otaku might not have mentioned it himself, seeing as he's in the body of a pony now, but humans have this thing about clothing. Especially in a public setting. By chance do you know somewhere I could go to get some, because as it stands, all I have is what I'm wearing.'

She nods, her face showing signs of confusion. "Okay… I have a friend who's a fashion designer. You could go talk to her. I'm sure she would like the challenge"

"Alright, I'll keep that in mind. Now, last question. Housing. Where am I going to stay while I'm here, however long my stay might be?"

A thoughtful look about her, she replies, "I'll send a letter to the Princess, and let her know about you. With luck, she'll have a solution. For now, I suppose the best place would be with Otaku."

I nod, and head out towards the former human's house.

* * *

A/N: Well, it isn't much longer than the original, if at all, but hey, things have changed! Yay...


	3. Roommates?

A/N: Uh… Sorry about the wait? I didn't mean to take so long, but since I'm completely rewriting it, and cutting out anything and everything regarding monkeys, I'm losing an entire chapter, and had to figure out what to write to take it's place. But fuck it, ON TO THE STORY!

* * *

Upon entering Otaku's house, I immediately spot several anime posters, making his pony name rather appropriate. The unicorn himself is nowhere to be seen, so I sit on the couch in the middle of the room, and just look around. The room is rather spacious, only the posters and a large bookshelf, which appears to be filled to the brim with manga, adorning the walls, and the couch I'm sitting on being the only other thing in the room.

Curious, I walk over to the bookshelf, and though I don't recognize a few of the titles, easily confirm that the books are all manga because of the ones I do; Black Cat, Soul Eater, Bleach, One Piece… The list goes on. The bookshelf reaches all the way to the ceiling, at least ten feet, and each shelf is dedicated to one specific title. For the few which don't fill their shelf, a divider is placed to separate them from another relatively short series.

Out of boredom, I grab one that I don't recognize; One Punch Man. The picture of the cape wearing man on the front certainly catches my attention after I pull it off the shelf, so I sit back down at the couch and begin reading.

* * *

I only get through the first 20 or so pages before a pale red aura surrounds the book, and pulls it from my grasp. I let out a groan, having already gotten invested in the story. A guy who's a hero "for fun" and kills anything and everything in just one single punch, growing bored because of the lack of a challenge. I'll admit, if someone told me about it and used those same words to do so, I would've thought it to be boring and ignored it, but now that I started reading it…

Otaku coughs, reminding me where I am, and asks, "Joseph, not that I mind the company, but why are you in my house, getting into my stuff?"

I let out a nervous chuckle, and reply, "Well… I don't exactly have anywhere to stay at the moment, and staying with any of the Mane Six just doesn't appeal to me. The only one I wouldn't mind rooming with, well, she lives in a cloud. So, partly because Twilight herself suggested it, here I am."

He merely shakes his head. "Whatever. Here," he says, putting the book back in my hands, "just make sure you ask next time you want to read something. You have no idea how hard it was to get these here..."

Confused, I give him a look for a moment, then shrug and return to my reading. Before I get too involved in it, however, Otaku asks, "Hey, quick question. Was there ever anything you wanted, anything at all, that just didn't exist, or you could never have?"

I open my mouth to say something, but then close it, thinking. Several things immediately came to mind, but none of them were anything that I actually wanted. I continue to think for a few more minutes, and decide upon just three things; a sword with a blade in the shape of an eagle's wing, a pet dragon, and, somewhat ironically considering I'm in Equestria right now, magic.

"Yeah, there are a few. Why do you ask?"

A smirk draws across the unicorn's face, and he says, "What if I could give them to you?"

* * *

After a nice long chat with Otaku, I head out into town, on a search for Carousel Boutique. I think I saw it earlier while following Derpy, but considering how lost she got us, I have no hope of retracing our steps, especially with my bad memory.

Thinking about my options as I walk, I eventually decide to ask for directions at Sugarcube Corner, despite the risk. And just my luck, even though I had been wandering aimlessly, I can see it down the road.

* * *

After a moment of hesitation upon reaching the door, I open it and step inside… to find absolutely no trace of the pink menace I had been bracing myself for. Breathing a sigh of relief, I walk up to the counter, which Mrs. Cake stand on the other side of, seemingly distracted while looking at the wall. I wait a moment for her to notice me, but after a nearly two minutes, she hasn't moved.

No longer wanting to wait, I cough loudly to get her attention. Surprisingly, still no response. Growing slight annoyed, I reach over the counter to nudge her shoulder… only for her to fall over. Confused, I lean over the counter, and see the truth. It was just a cardboard cutout with a picture of Mrs. Cake painted on it, a surprisingly realistic one at that.

Before I have time to wonder why a cardboard cutout of the pony would be placed there in her stead, I find my vision filled with the business end of a cannon. Taking a few hurried steps back, I see the pink pony herself standing behind the cannon, and on the ceiling as well, I might add.

An unfamiliar, threatening tone in her voice, she asks, "What are you doing here? And don't tell me getting something to eat, I know better than that!"

What. The fuck. Is going on. I just came in to ask for directions, and now this-

"You have 10 seconds. Answer me, or else."

Okay, what the hell?! Since when is Pinkie a crazed pony ready to attack on sight?!

"5, 4, 3..."

I hold up my hands in protest, but before I have a chance to speak, the cannon fires.

* * *

A/N: ...Don't even try to ask me what's going on here, or why it had to be a cliffhanger, I don't know myself. I would almost swear the pink pony came here herself and took control of my mind to make me write this, but it's not like that could actually happen… Right?


	4. Boredom at the Boutique

A/N: Welp, here we go, next rewritten chapter. Again, I have no clue how I came up with the ending of the last chapter, but it happened. To be honest, as I'm writing this, because I write my beginning author's note _before_ I write the chapter, I really don't know how I'm going to continue from that point, so don't blame me if it seems like I have no clue what I'm writing. I actually don't. But who cares, let's just get right into it!

* * *

Confetti. That's the first thing my brain registers after that mind numbing blast. After a few moments, I also notice the pink pony who _fired the cannon at me_, rolling on the floor laughing. Only problem is, I can't _hear_ her laughing. The blast of the cannon was deafening, quite literally it seems.

I brush some confetti off my shoulder and take a step forward, only to stumble and nearly fall, my sense of balance entirely nonexistent. Great…

Leaning forward and setting a hand of the floor, I slowly slide down into a sitting position, and rest my aching head in my hands. It's at this point that I realize that there are a number of small cuts all over my face, likely from all the confetti being launched out at the speed of a bullet. I let out an inaudible sigh, and suddenly feel something touch my shoulder.

Looking up from my hands, now stained with a small amount of blood, I see Pinkie standing over me, a concerned look now on her face. She moves her mouth to say something, but considering that I forgot long ago how to read lips, I have no hope of making it out.

I reach up one hand to tap my ear, and say, "Can't hear." At least, I hope that's what I said…

Pinkie's eyes widen, and she zooms out the door, going who knows where, leaving behind a dust cloud that vaguely resembles her. Rolling my eyes, I once again rest my head in my hands, waiting for… I'm not sure, actually…

After a few minutes, or at least what seems like a few, I feel a hurried tapping on my shoulder, and look up again to see that the pink pony has returned, Twilight in tow. Pinkie turns towards her unicorn friend, quickly saying something that I still can't make out, and a look of understanding finally appears on Twilight's face. Her horn glows for a moment, and when it fades, I can hear again.

Relieved, I thank the unicorn, then turn to Pinkie, silently demanding an explanation.

* * *

One mind shattering explanation later, followed by directions to the Boutique, I make my way out to my destination. From what Pinkie told me, it's at the top of a small hill, nearly on the other side of town. With any luck, both the trip and the actual time spent there will be mostly uneventful, as today has been just a tad too… exciting, for me.

* * *

Upon reaching the Carousel Boutique, I knock on the door, only for it to be surrounded by a blue aura and opened. Shrugging, I walk inside, and hear a voice call down from upstairs.

"Be with you in a moment, darling!"

Looking around, I lean against a bare wall near the door, and wait. I don't have to wait long, however, as not even a minute later Rarity comes down the stairs and walks into the room, saying, "Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everything is sleek, chic, and- Oh my!"

I smirk at Rarity's reaction to my appearance, clearly unused to the human form. To her credit, however, she quickly recovers, and asks, "How may I help you, uh..."

"I believe the word you're looking for is 'sir'. As for how you could help me, well… I'm going to be here in Ponyville for a while, not sure how long, but unfortunately, due to the circumstances of my arrival, I don't have anything to wear, besides what is already on my person. I've been informed that you're some sort of fashion designer, and that you enjoy a challenge, so I came to see you about getting some clothing."

I inwardly celebrate how formal I made myself sound there, almost as if I had practiced it beforehand. I take a few steps from the wall towards the white unicorn, and she takes the opportunity to walk around me, likely inspecting my form and getting a feel of what would and wouldn't work for a creature of my particular build.

Once she stands in front of me again, she gives a quick nod, saying, "Yes, I'm sure I could do something for you. Might I ask your name, darling?"

"Joseph. And so that you don't have to ask later, I'm a human. If you know Otaku, I have the feeling he might have mentioned them once or twice. Now, before you do or say anything else, I have a request; I would like a cloak. A plain brown cloak, nothing fancy."

Rarity, a thoughtful look upon her muzzle, replies, "Well, you're correct to say that Otaku mentioned humans. From what I know, you wear clothes at all times, so I can certainly see why not having any would be a problem. And the cloak would be no issue. As far as the regular clothing, however, you would like some similar to what you're already wearing, I assume?"

"Yes, but I wouldn't be entirely opposed to some slight alterations on your part. Just keep in mind that humans normally only ever leave the arms and head uncovered. So, will you be needing measurements, or..."

A slight chuckle escaping her, she says, "Oh, that won't be necessary. If you don't mind, I can just cast a spell to find the measurements of what you're already wearing."

To that, I shrug, and her horn lights up to cast the spell. Immediately, I feel a tingling spread across all of the clothed areas of my body, but it ends as quickly as it began.

With that, Rarity begins walking upstairs again, saying, "Well, that's all I need, darling. If you come back tomorrow, I should have a few outfits done for you."

* * *

A/N: Well, that's finally over with. I'll get right to work on the next chapter, and hopefully it wont be as random as the last. Make sure to let me know what you thought of this one, and if you're liking the store so far, go ahead and at least follow it, so you can keep up with the rewrite. Remember, until I'm caught up again, keep checking the last chapter to see how far along the rewrite is, so you know what is and isn't safe to read. Anyway, see ya next chapter!


	5. Armed Combat

A/N: New chapter, nothing much to say really.

ON TO THE STORY!

* * *

By the time I get back to Otaku's, the sun has already set, and surprisingly, I actually feel tired. I give a knock in warning, then walk inside, sitting down on the couch. Otaku soon walks into the room, a pillow and blanket suspended in the air behind him. He tosses them over to me, then turns around to leave, saying, "Feel free to read anything you want from the bookshelf, just make sure it's back where it belongs in the morning."

Any other time, I would take him up on the offer, but tonight I'm too tired. Putting the pillow down at one end of the couch, I lay down, and throw the blanket over myself.

Despite normally taking multiple hours to finally fall asleep, after only a few minutes, I fall into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Upon waking, I sit up and look around, wondering for a moment where I am. All of a sudden, memories of the previous day return, and now I can't help but consider the absolute absurdity of the situation that I'm in, let alone the impossibility of it.

Shaking my head, I decide to just wait for Otaku, unsure of what to do with my day. My electronics are still over at Fluttershy's cottage, meaning I can't do anything with them as it currently stands, and-

"Good morning, Joseph."

I turn to see Otaku walk in the front door, apparently having gone out before I woke up. Not surprising, considering how when allowed, I often sleep past noon.

"Morning," I reply.

He gives me a once over, then says, "Let me guess, no clue what to do with yourself here in Equestria?"

Slumping back against the couch, I say, "Hit the nail on the head. Any suggestions?"

Smirking, he replies, "Well, you could always practice using this golden sword I drew up for you..."

I bolt upright, immediately interested. There, in his magical grasp, is the sword that I've wanted ever since I first came up with the persona of "Golden Eagle". Moving out from the hilt, a wing of solid gold stretches out nearly two feet, the tips of the "feathers" sharpened to a point, but left just dull enough for it to serve as a proper blade. And now, the eagle wingblade was mine.

Otaku holds the blade out for me to take, hilt facing towards me, and I eagerly reach out to grab it. The moment I grab hold of it, he releases his magical grasp, causing me to quite suddenly take the whole weight of the sword myself, and nearly drop it.

"Yeah, gold _is_ a pretty heavy metal, and that's a pretty large blade there. I'd estimate that it's somewhere between twelve and fifteen pounds. That's nearly three times the weight of a typical broadsword, so-"

At this point, I interrupt him, saying, "Are you sure, cause it really feels a lot more like two or three." As the words leave my mouth, I'm testing it's weight, tossing it slightly upwards in such a way that it spins in my loose grip, and firmly grasp it again as it starts to come down. "Yeah, couldn't possibly be a whole twelve, let alone fifteen, not unless I somehow got stronger overnight."

Otaku just stares at me, dumbfounded. Before I have a chance to snap him out of it, however, I hear a heavy footstep outside the still open front door. Curiosity taking hold once again, I walk out, and find myself looking at a humanoid figure covered head to toe medieval plate armor, a longsword in it's right hand, and a large shield covering it's left arm.

Otaku, apparently having recovered himself, stands beside me and says, "Ah, right. This would be the ACD. Armed Combat Drone. I went ahead and drew it up as well when I was doing your sword. I figured, if you're going to have a sword, you should at least have some way to practice using it. Oh, and this guy comes with an instruction manual, just for you."

With that, the unicorn hands me a small booklet, lets out a chuckle, and goes back inside.

Shaking my head, I open the booklet and begin reading.

* * *

The Armed Combat Drone (ACD)

The ACD is an automaton intended specifically for combat exercises to practice the art of swordsmanship. It has many different modes, and is voice controlled. The commands are listed below.

Shadow – The ACD will follow whoever gives this command, outside of combat or sparring.

Statue – The ACD will go into standby mode

Go to war – The ACD will act as a soldier and attack any perceived threats to the one who gives this command, and will not stop until all threats are eliminated.

Begin session – Enables sparring modes.

Sparring, Level 1 – Recommended for beginners. All movements are lowered to 1/4 speed, and the ACD will not attempt to disarm or parry the "opponent".

Sparring, Level 2 - All movements are lowered to 1/2 speed, and the ACD will not attempt to disarm or parry the "opponent".

Sparring, Level 3 - All movements are at full speed, and the ACD will not attempt to disarm or parry the "opponent". The ACD will avoid causing any serious injury.

Sparring, Level 4 - All movements are at full speed, and the ACD will attempt to disarm or parry the "opponent". The ACD will avoid causing any serious injury.

Sparring, Level 5 - All movements are at full speed, and the ACD will attempt to disarm or parry the "opponent". The ACD will not avoid causing any serious injury. This will require the "opponent" to stay on guard and block or parry attacks.

End session - The current sparring session will end and the ACD will go into standby mode.

* * *

Uh huh. Well, that certainly makes this interesting. Putting the booklet in my pocket and preparing myself, I say, "Alright, begin session. Sparring, level 1."

The ACD immediately responds, and slowly takes a defensive stance, shield raised and it's sword held back behind it. I take my own stance as well, though due to my inexperience, likely a horribly improper one.

I inch closer, and go for a slow swing from over my left shoulder. If the ACD is moving at a lowered speed, I might as well do so too, otherwise what's the point of starting at level one?

Somewhat surprisingly, the ACD lowers it's shield and backs away from my swing, bringing up it's sword as it does. I go ahead and follow through with my swing, then bring up my own blade to block that of the ACD. It's weapon temporarily useless, it swings it's shield towards my head, which I easily duck under.

At this point, I pull my blade back down, and "slash" at the ACD's left leg, then start to come back up, only to feel a slight pressure on my back. While my guard was down, it had taken the opportunity to "slam" the hilt of it's sword into my back.

With a sigh, I give the command. "End session."

* * *

A/N: Well, that happened. I got an "eagle wingblade", then fought a robot and lost. And what was that about "Golden Eagle"? Oh well, if you liked it, be sure to follow or favorite the story to keep an eye on it, and I'll see you next time.


	6. CoD and Parties

A/N: Well, ya know, I decided it's about time I do this, so here it is, the thing that must happen in any HiE fic… But rather than tell you, let's just move…

ON TO THE STORY!

* * *

With a sigh, I give the command. "End session."

Instantly responding to the command, the ACD stands up, no longer moving at it's lowered speed for sparring, awaiting another command. Yeah, that's gonna be a while…

Now that that's over and done with, I believe I have an "appointment" with a certain white unicorn…

"Pretty poor performance there, Joseph. Even on level one, you couldn't last 2 minutes. At level five, you would've died before you had a chance to react. Then again, that's why I made sure to include the leveling the way I did. For training purposes, until you actually discover your own style and technique, I would recommend not going above level two. Once you're confident in your ability to either dodge, block, or parry the ACD with just your sword, then you can move up."

I glare at the pale red unicorn, and ask, "Since when are you an expert on sword fighting?"

Smirking, he replies, "Oh, you know, since spent my first two years here as a Royal Guard… Never did manage to do that whole 'stone faced sentry' thing, though."

"You've gotta be kidding me… You, a Royal Guard? I may not know you very well, but that still seems pretty absurd. And seriously, your _first_ two years here? How long have you been here, then?"

"Five years. I obviously didn't have any control over how long before the show I ended up here, and if it wasn't for Zecora, I probably would've gone crazy. Do you have any idea what it's like, experiencing two entirely different lives, in one of which you aren't even human? I'll tell you, for the first month, it was hell.

"And then, when I came to Ponyville, it turned out that a drawing I had made on Earth the day before, a horrible spider-like monster more than twice the size of this house, had come to life and was attacking the town. Of course, it took me a while to accept that something I had drawn on paper had become real, let alone in Equestria, but the fact it was _my_ monster meant I knew it's weakness.

"Needless to say, after I killed it, I caught the eye of the Princess, who asked me to join the Guard on the spot. I accepted, then spent the next two years as a member of the Royal Guard, and fought off what few threats to Equestria there were.

"After that, I left the Guard, and made myself a life here in Ponyville. Now, if you still don't believe me after my wonderful, but admittedly condensed story, please, go ask Applejack if she remembers the 'Spider King'."

Once again, I stare at Otaku, before saying, "I'll do that, if I happen to see her on my way to the Boutique."

* * *

"Just a moment, darling!"

As expected, Rarity is working on some project upstairs as I walk in, leaving me to wait for her to come down. Like last time, it doesn't take long, only a few minutes, before she walks into the room, saying, "Welcome- Oh, it's you, Joseph. I've got your outfits right over here..."

She levitates a neat stack of clothes over from a nearby desk, and says, "Now, I hate to rush you along, darling, but I received a rather large order yesterday after you left, and I'm not even half finished, so I'm afraid I don't have much time for conversation."

Before I even have time to respond, I'm outside again, staring at a closed door.

Well. That happened. Oh well, might as well take these and go back to Otaku's place. And then I'll need to go visit Fluttershy to get the rest of my stuff…

* * *

Several hours later, Otaku and I are playing a Live multiplayer match in COD: BOII, and I'm absolutely destroying the competition. Using my "Ninja" class, I'm just sprinting non-stop around the map with a silenced pistol (combat knife attachment), shooting or stabbing anyone I see, but once I get my killstreak…

Yeah, I might need to rethink the name of that class. To my knowledge, ninjas don't run around shooting anything and everything in sight with a minigun. But who gives a fuck, I'm actually in first place in a free-for-all match!

...And there it goes. Some guy going by the name "MisunNashoba" just stole my hard earned achievement, by getting a headshot on me from across the map. All right, time to pull out the crossbow! Soon as I see that-

Oh. The game just ended. Nevermind…

Leaving the lobby in favor of putting in a different game, I ask, "So, Otaku, I'm going to assume you drew that internet router there? Cause I don't really see any other way you could get an internet connection from Earth here..."

Giving me an incredulous look, Otaku says, "...You're asking that now, after you already accepted it, and played a game online. Makes perfect sense. But yes, I _did_ draw that router in order to get a connection."

"Great. I'm gonna need one of those when I get my own house. Now, to try Dark Souls 2. First time I played this, I fucking sucked… Hopefully I do better now. Has been over a year since I played, of course."

Otaku interrupts me by turning off the system with his magic (he can do that?!), and says, "Actually, take a look outside. Celestia already lowered the sun. We've got somewhere to go."

"Where?"

"Just follow me..."

* * *

"Oh fuck… It's time for my party, isn't it?"

Otaku looks back to me with a smirk, saying, "Yep. Oh, and considering what happened when you first met her, I really hope you're the partying type, otherwise..."

Otaku's smirk grows into a full out shit eating grin, and he continues, _"You're gonna have a bad time."_

My response is to simply facepalm. Of course he would know about Undertale. And with me being the only one in Equestria he could make the references to with any hope of the target understanding them, he's probably been waiting for this opportunity.

"Don't. Just don't. Sans was way too much of a bitch to fight there for you to be making jokes using that line. Now, shouldn't we be going inside?"

Otaku simply laughs, then quickly opens the door and shoves me through it. Instantly, a room full of ponies all yell out at once, "SURPRISE!"

I don't even get a chance to act surprised, let alone be angry at Otaku, before Pinkie rushes up to me, poking me in the stomach with her hoof, and shooting out words so fast I can't make out any of what she's saying. With a sigh, I wait for her to finish, then take my chance to go over to the snack table and grab myself one of the delicious cupcakes that I know will be there.

The moment I take a bite, I find myself involuntarily forgiving everything Pinkie's ever done wrong, regardless of whether or not it was done to me. That moment is quickly ruined, however, by Pinkie running right up onto the table to look me in the eye, and ask, "Is it good? Do you like it? Oh, I hope you like it! If you like it then that means..."

This is going to be one long party…

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry, I know I cut it off short on the party there, but that just felt like a good place to end it. Besides, I'm really not the partying type. The only parties I've ever gone to are the birthday variety, and even then only one that wasn't my own. They were never really big parties either, mostly just family members and a select few friends showing up.

On another note, I included a little Easter egg in this chapter probably only one person will find out. But anyway, that's one more chapter down, so if you liked it, _PUNCH_ THAT REVIEW BUTTON, IN THE FACE, _LIKE A BOSS! _(A follow or favorite would be acceptable as well, if you haven't already done so by this point.)


	7. Research is Boring

A/N: I think it's about time I added something familiar to my old readers, so, I have to ask: Who remembers the three "wishes" that were made? It's fine if you don't, but if you do, well, you likely already know what I'm going to include in this chapter. But anyway, let's not delay any longer!

ON TO THE STORY!

* * *

What the fuck? Is that supposed to be…

"Oh, good morning, Joseph. Like your dragon?"

I turn towards the unicorn, walking in from another room, and for a moment can't help but ponder over the coincidence that he always enters the room right after I wake up. Then, of course, I realize what he said, and say, "Otaku, this is a statue. What fucking game are you playing?"

At that, he merely laughs, and replies, "Yeah, sorry about that. You see, I drew it to be _your_ pet dragon. And as far as pet dragons go, in most stories, the master is the first one the dragon sees. In this particular instance, you'll need to infuse the statue with your own magic, and speak the dragon's name. And of course, that's where the problem comes in..."

Looking over to him, I ask, "What problem?"

"Well, put simply… I can't give you magic. I've tried, I really have, but nothing I can do will give you your own magic. So, I suggest that instead, you go to the library and see what you can learn about magic. Who knows, maybe you'll find a way to get your own."

"...And you can't come with me why, exactly?"

Otaku gestures back towards his own room, and says, "I'm in the middle of watching Hellsing Ultimate. Why would I want to read books about magic, something I already have adept use of, when I can watch anime instead?"

* * *

That. Was boring. As hell. I just sat here for the last seven hours, looking through every book possible about non-unicorns using magic, and there was nothing, _nothing at all_, about how a non-unicorn could get magic of their own. Every single one of them mentioned some artifact, such as the Alicorn Amulet, which apparently can grant powerful magic to any truly sentient being, horn or no, at the cost of their rational thinking, or some ancient bracelet to be worn on the hoof, which allowed use of rudimentary magic and spells, almost entirely focused on combat. Neither was of any use to me, nor any of the other such artifacts mentioned in the books.

The only thing that came even remotely close, in fact, was for unicorns. Supposedly, Starswirl's studies had delved into the exact topic I was now researching; ways for non-unicorns to harness and develop their own magical abilities. Unfortunately, the farthest said studies had gotten was storing magic inside of gemstones, which could then be accessed later. It was never discovered if a pegasi or Earth pony could do so, but unicorns found no trouble, even if it wasn't their own magic within the gems.

...And I'm boring myself all over again thinking about this so much. Whatever. Otaku is such a dick, forcing me to learn to use magic, which seems to be impossible, just to get my dragon.

Shaking my head, I take a look out the window of the library towards Celestia's sun, and-

"Joseph! The princess sent a letter for you!"

At that, I quickly turn to face the purple unicorn behind me, and grab the letter being shoved towards my face. "Okay then, I guess I better read it, huh? Alright, let's see..."

* * *

_**Joseph, I have recently been informed of your presence by my student, Twilight Sparkle, and would like to meet you. I will be heading to Ponyville shortly, arriving perhaps an hour after this letter gets to you, so that I may meet you and discuss your current situation. I am sure, being the only true member of your species here in Equestria must be disconcerting, but I assure you, you will have no problems finding your place here in Equestria. As for your housing situation, I may possibly have a solution, though it will have to wait until we can speak face to face. Oh, and I would suggest not mentioning this to Twilight. All it will do is get her worked up, and likely cause her to drive herself into insanity trying to make everything perfect for my arrival.**_

* * *

"Blah blah, she wants to meet me, blah blah, something about a house, blah blah. Anyway, turns out there's nothing about giving a non-unicorn their own magic. However, there was this 'Starswirl' guy who was trying to figure out how to do exactly that, but I guess he died or something before he could finish his studies. It was something about putting magic into gemstones. Unicorns could draw the magic out, but they never got around to having any non-unicorns try. It might be worth a try, but I doubt it'll work. See ya."

With that, I made my way out of the library. I don't get very far before a brown Earth pony runs into me, and for once, I manage to stay standing after being crashed into, and took a closer look at the pony in question. I quickly notice the hourglass cutie mark, and in just that moment I realize who it is.

"You seem to be in a hurry, Doctor. Some kind of emergency?"

He looks up to me in shock, either from my appearance, or knowing his name. He opens his mouth to speak, but unfortunately, can't seem to form a complete sentence. "Wha- Bu- How did you..."

I chuckle a bit at his reaction, then reply, "Well, I'm a human, and as for how I know your name, well, let's just say I heard it from a friend. But, you still haven't answered my question."

After staring for a few seconds more, he clears his throat, and says, "Ah, right. Well, you see, I had a very important experiment I was working on, but I forgot one of the most important things, so I had to run out to go and get it, and if I don't get back soon, it might just implode. So, sorry to run off so shortly after meeting you, but I really must be going."

As he finishes speaking, he quickly turns around and begins running again, leaving me standing there, forgetting where I was going and why.

Ah, right. I was heading back over to Otaku's to get ready for when the princess shows up.

* * *

A/N: Well, with this, I have two questions for the readers. One; should I write a separate fanfiction telling the full story of Otaku's first years in Equestria? Two; should the Doctor be _the_ Doctor? Let me know what you think via review, or PM if you would prefer, and we'll see how it goes.


	8. The Princess Arrives

A/N: Uh… Words? Not really anything to say, so Imma just go-

ON TO THE STORY!

* * *

Well lucky me. I somehow didn't notice it while I was at the Boutique, but Rarity apparently included a suit and slacks for me. A nice crimson red for the shirt, a gold tie, a black jacket, and of course, the slacks are black as well. I don't recall telling her, but those are my favorite colors. Weird… I'm just gonna blame pony logic for this little coincidence. Yeah…

I pick up the outfit and head off to Otaku's bathroom (pretty boring, nothing but a mirror, sink, tub, and toilet. Only interesting thing about it, if anything, is the way pony toilets are shaped. Fucking weird…), then quickly change into it. As expected of something made by Rarity, it's perfectly comfortable, and just the right size, meaning that my only reason for not wearing this all hours of the day, every day, is the fact that it would probably get ruined before the end of the week.

Exiting the bathroom, I bump into Otaku, who gives me a strange look upon noticing my outfit.

"Joseph, what are you dressing up for? Surprise audience with the princess?"

Oh, I'm sure he was joking there, but god damn. Such guess, much correct. I just can't resist fucking with him… "Actually, yeah, how'd you know? I'm literally the only one who saw the letter. Oh, and just so you know, we have about 20 minutes until she gets here. Think I might just ask her to confirm that crazy backstory of yours..."

With that, I go outside to collect my sword from the ACD, and attempt to find a way to include the sword with my amazing outfit, leaving Otaku standing there sputtering. During one of my failures to do so, I hear quite a bit of banging around, prompting me to go back inside to take a -

Holy fucking shit. Otaku just made my badass list. He's wearing some pretty serious gold armor, nothing like what a typical guard would, with a cape added because why the fuck not, and floating beside him is Santier's Spear from Dark Souls 2. Minus the statue head, of course. He probably uses the two-handed move set too, the fucking showoff.

* * *

After I manage to get over Otaku's obviously Dark Souls inspired getup (which, I have to admit, makes his backstory _slightly _more believable, except for that he was all over my ass about _swords_ earlier today, and that's _clearly_ a _spear_), we head to Town Hall, which almost certainly will be where Celestia's chariot lands, and play the waiting game.

It's boring as fuck. And I don't do "bored". If I'm ever completely bored, those around me quickly find out, cause I start goofing off in such a way that they're either laughing, or they feel extremely uncomfortable. Normally the latter of course. Oh, and of course, I flat out tell them that I'm bored, as if that's an excuse for my bursts of crazy.

Needless to say, Otaku was getting ready to pull his spear from where he had slammed it into the ground (with an unnecessary flourish, I might add), before we finally catch a glimpse of the chariot. I quickly compose myself, managing to calm my boredom craze just as the chariot lands, and Celestia steps out to greet us.

"Oh, why hello again, Otaku. I see you've once again donned your favorite 'Syan' set. Hopefully your particular skills won't be needed again anytime soon. Good choice of weapon, by the way." With that she lets out a small chuckle, then turns to me and asks, "You, of course, would be the human 'Joseph', correct?"

Leaning back on the pillar behind me, I respond, "Yes, that would be me. Pleased to meet you. I had been going to ask if Otaku here actually did kill some giant spider creature, but from what you've just said to him, that question's already been answered. So, that only leaves me with one other; is this the part where we go to the Golden Oaks Library to scare Twilight, or the part where your majesty is kind enough to grant me a place of residence, at no cost to myself?"

Celestia lifts a hoof, clearly an attempt to hide her laughter, and replies, "Well, I do suppose we could visit the library first. The house can wait until later, after all."

* * *

Not bothering to knock, I burst into the library, to see Twilight surrounded by a pile of books in the middle of the room. Still studying, huh? Oh, that'll only make this even better…

"Hey Twilight, how ya – OH MY GOD IT'S A QUESADILLA MONSTER!"

Immediately, Twilight jumps up and out of her book fortress, screaming, "WHAT?! WHERE IS IT?!"

At this, I just wave my hand, saying, "Nevermind, must've just been a trick of the light. So, how are you doing? Still trying to find out some way for a non-unicorn to get magic?"

Glaring at me, she responds, "Well, I was, until _somepony_ came in screaming about something that doesn't even exist. Aside from that, I'm just fine, thank you."

Nodding, I say, "That's good. Wouldn't want the Princess to see you getting worked up over nothing, after all..."

As I say that, Celestia walks in, and I can see the terror written on her face. Her eyes shrinking to mere pinpricks, she says, "Princess Celestia! How, uh, nice to see you, so... unexpectedly. What are you doing here? Did I do something wrong? Oh, I did something, didn't I? I'm so sorry! Wait, I don't even know-"

Once again hiding her laughter behind a hoof, Celestia says, "Oh no, Twilight, you didn't do anything wrong. I came here to assist our resident human in getting a place of his own to live, and thought it would be nice to visit my student in her own home. Of course, if you're busy-"

Interrupting her, the wall bursts open, and Celestia is grabbed in the gigantic, gaping maw of…

Okay, even I find this ridiculous. She's being attacked, _eaten_, in fact, by a giant quesadilla with legs. Looking to Twilight, she's even more terrified than before, and understandably so. She's watching her mentor get eaten by something she was already scared of _before_ this.

Luckily, Otaku chooses that moment to charge in and begin slashing away at the walking quesadilla, mimicking the spear's two handed move set with his magic. Within moments, it's cut down to size, but as a result cheese is thrown all about in the library, ruining a good number of books.

The creature defeated, Celestia is released, absolutely covered in cheese herself, and Twilight still looks as if the devil himself just appeared and told her she would never pass a test again.

Stumbling the first few steps, the Princess walks up to Twilight, and brings her into a hug. After a moment, Celestia leans down to Twilight's ear, and says, "Gotcha."

In a sudden flash of light, the library is restored to it's former state, no traces of the cheesy monstrosity remaining. Blinking rapidly, Twilight looks around to see all of us laughing at her expense, Celestia included. After nearly a minute, Twilight's eyes finally find focus, on me, and with a burst of purple magic, she's right in front of me, and accusingly asks, "What did you do to the Princess?!"

As I stand there, looking into the eyes of the beast, a single thought goes through my head.

Worth it.

* * *

A/N: There we go, about time I finish this chapter. As always, be sure to leave a review to let me know what you think. Now, there's a poll on my profile, asking if I should make a separate fanfiction specifically for Otaku, describing his first few years in Equestria, and as it stands, no one's voted! Oh, if only some of my wonderful readers would be so kind as to do so!


	9. Home

A/N: Alright, hope you enjoyed the fun we had last chapter, cause this one is gonna get a bit more serious. I won't say exactly what, but some issues that have yet to be addressed (and weren't mentioned at all in the original story) are going to come up, and it certainly won't be anything to celebrate.

Anyway, before we get to that, review responses! _For the first time in forever~. _

The Sleeping Library: OHAI! Nice of you to leave a review, especially considering you're so far above myself in writing ability. Yeah, you mentioned a few things here only covered in the original, so clearly you've read this before now as well, which is even more flattering, but as far as Otaku's limitations go, he just can't erase. That's pretty much it. I might make it go further than that _if_ i write a separate story for him, but no one's voted in the poll, so I don't even know if anyone would read it.

Mr. Derpface: Yeah, not even gonna bother responding to everything here. Besides, I added you on Kik, and already responded there. All I have to say is, thanks for reviewing, and glad you're liking the story.

ON TO THE STORY!

* * *

Leaving to library, me and Otaku quickly glance towards one another, and again burst out in laughter. Celestia, to her credit, manages to maintain her false innocence, despite all that had happened.

It had taken all three of us, as well as a truth spell, to finally convince Twilight I hadn't somehow brainwashed Celestia, which is in itself completely absurd, considering she had barely arrived, and that I have no magic to speak of. The downside of our little prank, however, was that Twilight has lost a good deal of trust in the Princess. Eh, still worth it. I was just surprised that Celestia even _could_ come up with such an amazing prank.

Regardless, now we're on our way to Town Hall, to see if there are any suitable houses already available here in Ponyville. If not, well, I hope construction is faster in Equestria than on Earth…

* * *

_**Note to self: Don't forget to come back and write this portion of the chapter. It would be really bad if you post this chapter with this note here rather than a few paragraphs detailing the extremely important and interesting paperwork and browsing of pictures.**_

* * *

Well then, glad that's over. Now that I've picked out a house, Celestia and I are following this map in order to get to it. Not entirely sure why she's still here, but if I had to guess, it'd have something to do with what she mentioned in the letter for me.

Also, this suit I'm wearing is getting pretty stuffy. Not comfortable for long, apparently. Sooner I get to change, the better.

Ah, here we are. Looks just like the picture; a large, bright red house, with a black door. Doesn't look like much, but for now, it's home.

Walking up to the door, I pull the key from my pocket, and unlock it without even the slightest bit of difficulty. As I walk around my new house, completely devoid of any furniture, I say to Celestia, "Just wait here, I'll be back in a moment."

Immediately upon walking in, the house seemed larger on the inside, reminding me of the TARDIS. I was quite surprised, and at the same time, awed by how spacious the builders had made it.

Holy… Wait.. Is that a fireplace?!

I jumped from the spot I was at and examined the view. I patted the wood above the frame, taking quick notice that it was dark oak. It was polished, allowing my hand to effortlessly glide across the smooth surface.

I chuckled inwardly, stepping back to admire the work, seeing the pile of wood next to it. I hefted a piece up and for some odd reason, I sniffed it, 'cus why the fuck not, and noticed it smells of pine.

Might need to test that out later… Wonder if Pinkie Pie knows how to make s'mores? I'll have to ask her next time I see her.. Maybe, maybe not.

I knelt down and opened the gold encasing of the fireplace, checking the interior and exterior. It looked sturdy as all get out, and from peering inside, I was pretty sure it led to a chimney.

Least I don't have to die of smoke inhalation.

I closed the gold gate and put some logs to the stand up, just in case I would have a "campout".

But as I was thinking, the sudden sound of clopping met my ears, making me crane my head to see Celestia walk in.

Her head swiveled to and fro as she tried to see what was present, and from what I have seen, and based on her reaction, it wasn't much.

However, she quickly masked up her emotions and straightened as I walked over.

I walked past her and peered back, seeing more of the house still on my agenda, "Feel free to take a seat."

Celestia raised a brow, eyeing the room with disbelief, "Sit? Where?"

I waveded a hand as I turned around a corner, still rather excited to see the rest of the house, saying,"Anywhere's fine."

I could practically hear the Princess's eyes roll as I walked down the hallway. As I made my way around about, I quickly took note of how many rooms there were, planning for what would go where.

Bare minimal stuff mostly, although putting up gaming room sounds nice... Otaku's gonna do some drawing...

The side rooms were all the same, being 4X4 with some windows placed around them. It gave the air around the room more light and a happier setting than I would think possible.

Now, what surprised me the most was how the lights turned on.

Like most switches, you flip it on and bam, the room lights up. But here, when I flipped the switch, there was a small flash, followed by a strange, glowing orb appearing in the middle of the room near the ceiling.

Curiosity gaining the best of me, I trudged over to the said orb and gawked at it for a moment's time, watching as it just hovered stationary.

Reaching up, I simply pluck the orb from the air, holding it in the palm of my hand. It's a perfect sphere and oddly enough, reminds me of the glow balls back on Earth. Thinking of such, I chuck it in air and watch as it floats back into place.

Moving on, I make my way into the kitchen, breathing out slowly as i once again notice how warm I am in the suit.

Entering the room, I quickly glance about and grin. The kitchen was actually evenly spaced apart, rather than smushed together.

Counters lined the wall, with opening for the surprisingly already present fridge, and other kitchen appliances.

Turning to the center of the room, which is the island, I pace around it and simply look it up and down, seeing how well it contrasts with the kitchen.

The top of it was a perfect slab of black marble, supported by some very detailed oak.

I knelt down and poked the wood, coming back to my feet with a satisfied grin. This place was, almost, perfect.

All that was left was.. Wait, what the fuck?

Ever so slowly, from the entrance to the living room from the kitchen, Celestia pokes her head out from around a cornerfor some damn reason wearing a perfect trollface, though slightly altered because ponies.

Shaking my head, and leave the kitchen, rounding the corner to the room I was looking forward to. Hesitating a moment, I open the door and walk inside, and right off the bat I'm pleased at what's inside.

At least the ponies who were in charge left me someplace to sleep, even if it is just the mattress. Off to the side in boxes is what I'm assuming is the bed itself.

Trudging over, I throw it down from the wall and check around the box, noticing that it was actually larger than the island in the kitchen.

Jesus.. How did they even get this thing in here?!

Looking around, I could probably see this room as a guest room, assuming it wasn't supposed to be the master bedroom. At least it's be closer to the kitchen…

After a quick turnabout, I shrug and leave the room, eager to see the next one… Which is upstairs..

With a small sigh, I climb the stairs, making a mental note as to which steps groan under my weight; always good to remember which ones creak, never know when that might save your life.

But besides that, when I reach the top of the stairs, the hallway divides to the left and right. The latter leads to the bathroom, which means the former must lead to...

"The master bedroom… Huh..."

And a bedroom fit for a master it was. I stop for a moment, thinking how lucky I was to even set foot in a room such as this.

The room was larger than any other, and because of the sheer size, I wouldn't be surprised if you could see the room jutting from the side of the house.

This is also the only other room with furniture in it, graced by whomever thought it would be best to add such formalities.

The bed was already built, and swet Jebis did the fucker look amazing. I felt like a little kid as I made a run for the bed, jumping and throwing my arms out to the side, yelling, "T-pose!"

Oh, it was great, until I landed on the bed. It then felt like I was being sucked in from the moment I touched the mattress, similar to that one scene in that Carebears movie…

I struggled for a good two minutes before I gave up and sighed, letting my feet slump against the floor. I grumbled curses to the makers of the bed and hoped, if the toys existed here, that they would step on a Lego and be done with it.

"God fu-"

"Ah! Jo... Am I interrupting something?"

Freezing mid-curse, I think to myself, oh thank Celestia... Quite literally, in this moment.

"No, I'm just stuck here. Why exactly is there a waterbed in the master bedroom?!"

With a small laugh from Celestia, I'm lifted from the watery prison of the bed, and set down on the floor, still in T-pose.

The moment I'm released from her magical hold, I rise to my feet, brushing my overly long hair from my face. I like having it this long, but sometimes it's just an annoyance...

Once again noticing how stuffy my suit's getting, I take off the black jacket and throw it on the bed, then turn to Celestia.

"So, considering how you've stalked me all around the house, I'm assuming you want to talk about something?"

In a moment, her expression becomes somber, and she says, "Right. Joseph… How are you handling being separated from your family?"

...Oh. I actually hadn't had a single thought about my family since I showed up in the woods…

"Joseph, it's okay to cry if you need to. I'm sure losing your family must-"

At that point, I interrupt her, saying, "Actually, I don't cry. Even when my aunt and grandmother died. And as far as missing my family… Well, believe it or not… I'm probably not going to. Sure, I love and respect my mom and dad, but since they split up, I've been away from both for long periods of time and didn't really think much of it.

"And my sister… I'm probably better off being away from her, considering how often we would get into arguments. Heck, even her best friends call her annoying, which pretty much tells you everything you need to know.

"The only ones I might miss are my friends back on Earth, but the thing is, strange as it may be, I've never really felt that close of a relationship to _anyone_ that it would have much of an affect if I were to be away from them."

After a long pause, Celestia responds, "I'm sorry. That's just… I'm actually not sure how to respond to that."

"I don't know myself..."

* * *

A/N: Told you it wouldn't be anything to celebrate. And believe it or not, guys, I wasn't making up that there at the end. That's the absolute and actual truth. That's how I am in real life. With how much I goof around, and how I act around my friends and family, you'd never guess it, but so long as my entire lifestyle didn't change, being in a situation where I'd never see them again wouldn't have much affect on me.

Anyway, sorry to get so deep with this chapter, but this is something every HIE fic should cover, and considering it's a self insert, I had to stay true to life.

Now that this is all done and over with, be sure to leave a review, and if you somehow haven't, follow and favorite already! Geez, why and how are you still reading an ongoing story if you don't plan to keep track of updates?!


	10. Ponies, Humans, and Starbears, Oh my!

A/N: Alright, after the last chapter, it's probably time to do an episode. And what episode would I chose, for the first one in the rewrite? Why of course, the most bullshit episode in the entire first season!

I honestly kinda hate this episode, but, it's a pretty important one for something I have planned for much later on in the story (yes, I occasionally plan ahead when writing, just not often), so I don't have much of a choice. Besides, for some reason it's a very popular one to use early on in fanfictions, so fuck it.

ONTO THE STORY!

* * *

After my conversation with Celestia yesterday, I didn't really feel up to much. So after Otaku and I got my stuff moved into the house, I went down to the guest bedroom and went to sleep.

Now, upon awakening, I walk out into what will soon become the living room, and sigh.

Due to the procrastination on my part, and the laziness on Otaku's, the few boxes we brought over are just sitting there, waiting to be emptied. Shaking my head, I walk up to the nearest box and open it to see my shitty laptop and the Xbox.

Actually thinking about it, it's strange that it showed up here with me, considering it isn't even mine. Really, it's my dad's, but after the first year of having it, he never got on it, letting me and my sister play.

Anyway, leaving Memory Lane, I take out the Xbox and place it against the wall, seeing as without a TV, it's useless.

Now, with the game system removed, I take the boxes up to the master bedroom, putting the clothes Rarity made me in the closet, and begin setting up my laptop.

…Just gotta plug this cord in here… That one there, and… Where's the outlet?

Ugh… Please don't tell me the outlets are all downstairs or something… Wait, what's that on the wall?

Curious, I walk over to the wall, my gaze focused on a small darker square near the bottom. Reaching out, I run my fingers over it, only for it to disappear the moment I touch it.

…Eeyup. Figures they would hide the outlets and not tell me.

Whatever. Now that I know where the outlet is, I turn on the computer, then walk over to the closet while I wait for it to start up, because for some reason, I'm still wearing the suit.

Looking through the clothes I have, I decide on a green T-Shirt and a pair of jeans. How Rarity was able to perfectly recreate denim, I don't know. But I also don't care.

So long as they're comfortable, that's all that matters.

* * *

Alright, so I kinda forgot something important. I need Otaku to draw a router for me, otherwise there's next to nothing I can do on my laptop. And that means walking nearly all the way across Ponyville…

Oh well. With a sigh, I make my way downstairs and to the front door, and then out into Ponyville.

* * *

Day number four in Ponyville, and I still don't know my way around for shit. Between my bad memory and being new to town still, it takes a whole twenty minutes to get around to Town Hall. From here, I'm pretty sure I know my way to-

...Why's there a crowd around the other side of Town Hall? No, don't tell me…

I quickly run around to see, only to have my "fears" confirmed.

It's Trixie.

Great. Just. Great. Now I'm gonna have to deal with the bullshit that is the Minor, or hide and hope it doesn't crush _my_ house. Ugh… This is seriously one of my least favorite episodes…

Anyway, looking to Trixie's stage, I see Applejack, already hogtied with an apple in her mouth, and Trixie needlessly gloating. Wasn't even all that impressive. Just some plain old levitation that literally any unicorn could do. The only thing she does that's even mildly impressive out of her entire performance here is controlling the rainbow created by Rainbow Dash. Speaking of who…

As I watch, Rainbow gets up in the showpony's face, and promptly flies off to do her thing. Alright, I think I should get in on this. But what to do…

Aha! Got it!

While I formulate my plan to humiliate Trixie, Rainbow lands back on the stage, creating her miniature rainbow, and once again bragging. A moment later, Trixie somehow manipulates the rainbow - literally just refracted light and miniscule droplets of water - and makes it zoom around Rainbow like a cyclone, and then lift her into the air, only to crash her headfirst into the ground.

Now, normally I wouldn't care, especially considering I already knew it was going to happen, but that is my fave pone you just slammed into the ground. And now, it's go time.

Not waiting for Rarity, I walk right past the crowd and directly onto the stage. Upon noticing me, Trixie is slightly taken aback, but quickly recovers, saying, "Oh, the shaved Diamond Dog wants a turn? What are you going to do, lick your crotch?"

...Okay then. Did _not_ expect to hear something like that from a pony during the events of an episode, but whatever.

"For your information, I am most certainly not a Diamond Dog. I am Equestria's one and only resident human. Now, all these little tricks you're doing are great, but if you really want to call yourself 'Great and Powerful' and claim to have defeated something like an Ursa Major, you need two things; the intelligence to come up with a solution to almost any problem on the spot, and a whole lot of raw power. Me personally, I don't have any special talent to show off, but I can at least determine whether or not you're worthy of being called 'Great and Powerful'.

Now, I have two challenges for you. One being an incredibly simple test of intelligence, and the other to test your power. Which would you like to do first?"

Trixie just smirks, and with a laugh, replies, "Trixie will take your 'tests' in the order that you said them, hyoomin, and then none will be able to deny that Trixie is the greatest, most powerful pony in all of Equestria!"

At her boasting, I can't help laugh a bit, because she has_ no idea_ what she just got herself into. "Alright, to tell your intelligence, we're going to play a simple game. It is known as the Five Questions Game. It's simple; I ask you five questions, and you have to answer them all incorrectly. If you answer a single one right, you lose. Ready?"

"Trixie is always ready for a challenge!"

"Alright, first question: What is the name of this town?"

"Po- Manehattan!"

At that, I let loose a small smirk. First question and she nearly messed it up already. This is gonna be a deep breath, I prepare my best old man voice and say,

"...My eyesight seems to be failing me… Are you a boy, or a girl?"

Trixie's eyes open wide instantly, and after a moment, with a growing blush to show her embarrassment, she replies, "I… Trixie is a boy…"

The crowd immediately bursts into laughter, but I hold a hand to silence them, saying, "Let the young lad alone… There are only a few questions left."

Going good so far… Alright, next, doing away with the old man voice, I ask, "Is that a garbage can on your head?"

Trixie's eyes narrow the moment the words leave my mouth, and after a bit of hesitation, she spits out her reply through gritted teeth,

"Why yes, thank you for noticing."

Huh, the hat's a sore spot I take it? I'll be sure to keep that in mind.

"... I seem to have forgotten what question we were on… Do you remember?"

Trixie somehow instantly forgets her anger, and opens her mouth to reply, "Of course Trixie remembers! We are on the-"

Damn. She caught herself on the last second… Oh well, I still got the second challenge if I don't get her on the next question.

"We were on the 11th question if Trixie recalls."

"Alright then… Last question."

As I dramatically pause before asking the last question, I throw Trixie a look that (hopefully) says, 'I know your secret'.

For a moment, she's confused, but then recognition sparks in her eyes and she subtly shakes her head. Too bad Trixie, too bad.

"Did you really defeat an Ursa Major?"

Perfect, I was right. Her hesitation tells me that she's trying to decide. If she says she did defeat it, she 'knows' I'll say won. If she doesn't, I might say she lost because she told the truth.

"Trixie… Trixie did _not_ defeat the Ursa Major…"

Huh… She choose to stick with her lie despite the risks. Welp, guess I'll let her keep telling it a little while longer…

"Good Job. You passed my first challenge. Are you ready for the second?"

After a brief moment of confusion, Trixie once again adopts that cocky smirk of hers, saying, "Of course! Trixie can handle any challenge you throw at her!"

You say that now… "As I said before, the second challenge is a test of power, and is far more difficult to complete than the first. Your challenge is… Levitation."

Trixie immediately begins laughing, as do several other unicorns in the crowd, including Rarity.

"Is that funny? I don't recall saying what she would lift, or how much… To _begin_, raise the stage we're standing on two feet above the ground."

The blue unicorn instantly recoils, but quickly calms herself with a deep breath, and begins making her way off stage.

"Where are you going, Trixie? I never said you could get off the stage."

_"YOU EXPECT TRIXIE TO LIFT THIS STAGE WHILE SHE'S STANDING ON IT?!"_

"Yeah. I'd think the pony who defeated an Ursa Major could do that much at least…"

And the bait has been set. Now her reputation is on the line, _again_.

Gulping loudly, Trixie lights up her horn, and the stage is covered in the aura of her magic. After a few seconds, the stage begins to shake violently, and then suddenly rises into the air, throwing me onto my ass.

Okay then. She actually did it. Time to ramp it up… "Alright, now pick up the crowd here. The _entire_ crowd. Don't drop anypony now…"

Trixie throws me a look of desperation, and her concentration wavers, causing the stage to wobble in midair, nearly causing me to fall again. She quickly corrects herself, and the stage, and one by one begins lifting ponies from the crowd into the air.

She's making good progress, nearly half of the spectating ponies floating above the ground, when I notice her aura starting to fade in and out. Turning to her, it's obvious just how much she's struggling, looking at the amount of magic she's forcing out of her horn, and how much her legs are shaking.

"Alright, I've seen enough. Go ahead and-"

"**NO!** Trixie is the greatest and most powerful unicorn in all of Equestria! She can do this!"

With her sudden exclamation, a sudden burst of energy seems to come forth and…

Holy. Shit.

All at once, the remaining ponies on the ground are lifted into the air, and the floating audience members begin spinning in what's best described as an omnidirectional merry go round.

Panting now from her magical exertion, Trixie says, "There!... See? Trixie can… take… any challenge… you give her!"

Sadly, with that, she collapses, dropping both stage and audience unceremoniously to the ground.

Wow… Ya know for a magician in a world already full of magic, she was certainly determined to prove herself. I had been going to fail her, but just this once, I'll let her boasting slide.

"Trixie."

The exhausted unicorn looks up at me wearily, and asks, "What… do you… want… from Trixie… now?"

With a smile, I say, "You passed."

Walking off the stage, I find myself completely changing my opinion of her. Sure, she may lie to make herself look better, but she's more than just a boasting show pony.

As I take the final step onto the ground, Rainbow Dash walks up, saying, "Yeah, you sure showed her! I'm surprised she could even do that!"

"Eh, it surprised me too. Honestly, I was expecting her to be a lot weaker than she is. But what really surprised me is how she bested you."

"Please. All she did was throw me into the air and make me land on my head. She practically cheated! If it was a race, I would've beaten her in ten seconds flat!"

Shaking my head, I reply, "I'm sure you would have, Rainbow. Anyway, I need to get back to… Huh. Actually, I don't remember _what_ I was doing… Guess I'll just head home."

"Okay, see ya later, Joseph!"

With that, the cyan pegasus flies off, leaving me to walk home in silence.

* * *

As I approach my house, I spot the one unicorn I've met who wasn't at Trixie's performance - Otaku. Floating in his magic is a small brown box, while he himself is waiting somewhat impatiently at my door.

"Uh, hi, Otaku. Sorry if I made you wait, I was a little busy with a certain magician. Whatcha got there?"

Looking up, Otaku replies, "Your router. I remembered you said you'd have to have me draw you up one when you got yourself a house, and I was bored, so… Yeah. Here you go."

With that, he hands me the router, I unlock the door, and we head inside.

* * *

Several hours later, we finally get off the Xbox, and it hits me. The Ursa. How the _fuck_ did I forget about the Ursa?!

"Otaku, I just remembered I've got somewhere to be. Make sure to lock the door on your way out. And feel free to hop on Dark Souls 2 for a while if ya want. BYE!"

As the words leave my mouth, I'm already throwing on my cloak and going out the door, starting a full on sprint to try and find Trixie's wagon before a giant star-bear crushes it.

FINALLY! There's the wagon, and -

Wait… The Ursa attacks at night… Guess it'll be a while longer…

Eh, might as well try and talk to Trixie. Hesitating for just a moment, I walk up to the wagon and knock on the door. The instant response is Trixie angrily yelling, "Trixie told you not to bother her until morning!"

"Really? I don't think so, but my memory_ is_ pretty bad, so- "

Before I have a chance to finish my sentence, the door flies open, and Trixie glares out at me, asking, "What do you want? You already passed up your chance to ruin my reputation, so why are you here?"

"Obviously not so I can hear you boast again…" I sigh and look around, then step inside before responding, "I came to… Apologize. I was a little harsh with my challenges; I just wanted you to fail so that I could humiliate you and show everypony how empty your claims of being "Great and Powerful" were."

"But in that second challenge, you showed how determined you were to prove yourself. Sure, you may not be the greatest and most powerful, as you claimed in your act, but you do have an incredible amount of determination, skill, and yes, power. Again, not the best, but you're far from weak. And now, because of that determination you showed, well…"

"I guess you aren't as bad as I first assumed. Maybe we could get to know each other better?"

Silence. That's all there is for the next minute, before Trixie finally opens her mouth to speak, saying, "Trixie is flattered, but she only dates ponies."

...Wut? "Whoa whoa whoa! That is not what I meant! I just meant I would like to try and be your friend, geez!"

At that, Trixie sputters, a blush clearly shown, "W-well how was Trixie to know your implications?"

I throw my hands out and argue, "Well for starters, maybe don't assume that's what I meant!"

Trixie is once again silent, her blush slowly dying away, she looks up and says, "Well… Can we still do it?"

"The 'date'?"

Trixie backpedals on her words and furiously shakes her head, "No!... To try and… Start over."

"I know, I know, I was just letting you see why you don't assume things like that. Makes it awkward for the other person, you see? But yes, if you would allow, I'd like to try and be your friend. That means you'd have to come and visit now and then, by the way."

She opens her mouth to reply, but before she has a chance, she's interrupted by the sound of knocking at the door, and two voices yelling out, _"TRIXIE! COME OUT! TRIIIIXIIIIE!"_

* * *

Ah. So it's already here…

Damn it's hard to tell time in this world.

Taking a deep breath, I walk past Trixie out of the wagon, drawing my golden wingblade from under my cloak, glad to have brought it with me. As I shove my way past the two_ idiots_, I look out to the trees, and sure enough, there's the Minor emerging from the forest, knocking down countless trees in the process.

Alright, now, what to do, what to do… Sure, it's a baby, but goddamn is it destructive, even when it _isn't_ actually trying to kill anything. Yes, Twilight can take care of it herself if I just wait, but all she really does it delay the inevitable. Yeah, this is pretty reckless, nearly suicidal in fact, and probably inspired by too many hours playing Dark Souls, but…

I'm gonna fight, no, _kill_ it. That or Imma get stomped on and die. One or the other.

Taking another deep breath, I look up to the Minor, and see it raising up above me, preparing to destroy the wagon as showed in the episode, and charge forward to avoid being crushed, yelling, "YOLO!"

Once I feel that I'm a safe distance under the "cranky baby", I attempt to perform a dodge roll in true Dark Souls fashion, and fail miserably, only succeeding in slamming my head against the ground painfully. Ow…

Standing back up, and vowing to never try that again, I do an awkward stumbling run towards its back legs, and begin wildly slashing away at its ankles like a madman, because honestly, what else could I do to such a massive creature?

As I continue to slash at its ankles, making gashes comparable to a papercut, it raises its back left leg and wildly stomps the ground several times, clearly trying to flatten me. Of course, with me standing under the angry baby, it's efforts are completely wasted, not managing to land a single, completely deadly hit on me.

Alright, my attacks aren't really doing shit to the Minor here, so what do I do…?

AHA! I got it! Pulling yet another Dark Souls, I two hand my weapon to (hopefully) do more damage with each swing, and draw the weapon back behind my head to get as much force behind it as possible. With a yell, I swing my golden blade, but in mid swing it's covered in a bright light, and the next thing I know I'm burying one blade of a two sided poleaxe into the Minor's leg.

The giant creature cries out in pain as I yank out the blade, and falls onto one side with a thundering crash. Taking the opportunity that's presented itself, I take the new weapon and cleave open the Minor's stomach, only to see a glittering blue liquid flow from the wound rather than red.

I shrug, guessing that its blood has the same otherworldly appearance as it's skin, and begin walking away from the dying beast, breathing heavily from my exertion.

I don't get far, however, before the ground starts shaking like an earthquake, accompanied by the sound of a thundering footstep that only grows louder with each second, which can only mean…

Pure terror washing over me, I force myself to turn back to the treeline, and sure enough, there's the mother charging right towards the town. A true Ursa Major. And I just killed its child.

Oh fuck me…

Before I can even bring myself to move a single muscle to run in the other direction, the Major raises a paw high in the air, quickly bringing it down towards me.

* * *

With a groan, I open my eyes, greeted by a completely unfamiliar view of a white ceiling, and immediately try to sit up to try and figure out where I am.

I instantly regret it, pain shooting throughout my entire body, forcing me back down onto the bed. Before I have a chance to question where I could be, and why I feel like I got hit by a truck, I hear a door open, and turn my head (causing a new spike of pain) to see a white pony wearing a nurse's cap walk in with a clipboard held in one hoof.

Looking up, she notices me, and says, "Oh, you're awake, that's a surprise. We weren't expecting you to be up for another week, considering you hit a mountain and all."

...Wut?

"Uh… Hit a mountain? What are you talking about?"

"Oh, well, I guess it's natural you wouldn't remember. You see, after you, uh, _took care_ of the Ursa, a much larger red one came charging in, and it sent you flying into Canterlot Mountain with a single swing. Miracle you survived, actually."

"...Okay, let's assume for a moment I believe you. What happened with the other Ursa then?"

Nurse Redheart (I'm assuming it's her, from the cutie mark) shakes her head, and responds, "Oh, the weird pony with the Neighponese writing on his house took care of it, just like he did that giant spider thing the one time. Now, you need some rest. Just that you're awake now is practically impossible, but there's no way you're getting up to go anywhere in that shape!"


	11. Getting Lost, Cause I'm an Idiot

A/N: Here ya go, guys, a kinda boring chapter written entirely because I _refuse_ to have another episode this quickly after the last.

* * *

Hearing the door open, I sit up, suddenly realizing that I'm awake, and wondering how long I had been sitting there doing nothing. Probably a long time, knowing myself.

As the shapes step inside, I clutched my side and slowly set myself upright, groaning in displeasure. It's like one of those questions, '_What'd you do this summer?_'

I fucking ate a mountain.

_'Oh that's nice.'_

Yeah. It was crunchy.

Coming through the door is a doctor pony that I don't recognize, followed by a blue pony with a hat and cape that I had no trouble recognizing. Said mare placed herself in a chair adjacent to my… Bed.

The doctor is holding a clipboard within his magical grasp, and flips through it as if it actually held important information.

"Miss Lulamoon is here to see you, uh, Joseph, was it? I apologize, I haven't seen a name like yours before."

Of course you haven't. Not like there's another human here or… Wow, sleeping for a week _really_ doesn't help my mood.

Turning to Trixie, the still unnamed doctor continues, "He only just woke up yesterday, so if he seems a bit out of sorts, keep in mind that he has yet to make a full recovery from his… 'mountain hugging session'? Who filled out this paperwork?!"

My guess would be Redheart. The pink haired bitch tried to spoon feed me yesterday. It was a weird bright purple liquid, and there's no way in hell was I about to try and take it. Which in turn created an argument, which in the end caused her mood to soar to an inferno even hell itself couldn't match.

Basically I was strapped down and stuck with a needle. Shit got real in ten seconds flat.

Literally.

"Doctor… whatever your name is, if you would leave us. I'm pretty sure that if I survived hitting that mountain, I can manage a conversation without suddenly dying."

The doctor eyes Trixie with a stare, and a curious glance towards me, eventually flipping the clipboard papers down with a somewhat satisfied grin,

"Well alrighty tighty. I'll just uh…" The Doctor slowly sidetrots towards the door, "Leave you two alone."

He shuts the door and immediately yells,

"Redheart! Fetch number fifteen some painkillers!"

Without uttering a word, nor sparing Trixie any subtleties, I deadpanned, "If anypony comes through that door, please, don't hesitate to bore them to death."

Trixie scoffs and holds a hoof to her chest, "Trixie? Bore? Absurd. At least I have an act... Ever hear the stage metaphor, 'Break a Leg?'. Obviously not, since you broke everything else instead."

"Okay, first off, you should see the other guy. I may have broke a few bones, but left a goddamn crater in a mountain."

Trixie sniffs, her expression unamused, "Clearly."

"Well, anyway, buddy ol' friend ol' pal, did you actually want to talk to me about something, or are you just here to boast until my ears fall off?"

The joking tone in my voice is obvious enough for Trixie to catch, and she replies, "Is Trixie not allowed to visit her friends? And if you insist that Trixie boast, she'll have you know that while you were _gracefully_ flying away, Trixie was able to defeat the Ursa-"

I hold a hand up, "Lemme just stop you right there. You already beat me in the five questions game already, you're allowed to tell the truth now."

Trixie blushed slightly, "Ah, seems you know when Trixie is lying and not. Very perceptive…"

I shrugged, "No, you ponies are just hilariously obvious. Besides, no way in hell you killed Momma bear."

Trixie huffs, "Well, give Trixie credit, hyoomin! At the very least, she assisted the strange red pony!"

I cross my arms and chuckle, clutching my side instantly after, "Nope. I'll give you debit, heh-OUGH…yep…definitely gonna feel that… and you helped Otaku, huh? Damn. Showoff."

Trixie nodded, her eyes growing clouded, "Indeed, the way he weaved his magic, and made the Ursa Major… Disappear… Was dazzling."

"Magic, huh? Why do I have a feeling he just pulled out a giant spear and slashed it to ribbons?."

Trixie slumps onto her hoof, "Probably because he did. Regardless, Trixie is quite envious."

I sit up further, "Yeah, well don't be. You got some pretty good magic going yourself. It's just how you use it. Besides, he has a little trump card, being able to draw stuff to life."

Trixie whines, "And that's why Trixie is envious! All Trixie knows how to do is cast illusions and do simple levitation!"

I smirk, "Illusion spells are pretty cool. You'd be surprised how fast they could turn the tide on somepony. And besides, you should consider yourself lucky. Literally every human ever has at one point wished they had magic.

Trixie sighs, "Trixie sees your point. Although, not happy with it, Trixie agrees."

I shrug, then turn to look at the clock. "Oh! Lunch time. Great."

On cue, the pink haired menace walks in. Her face is expressionless, but I could feel the tension rolling of her in waves.

"Joseph." She nods as she sets the food down.

I simply yoink the tray into my lap, "Bastard."

"I hope it tastes fine. Made it myself."

I blink and look at the slop before me, "Ah. Looks shitty. Like you. OH! AND IT EVEN HAS YOUR EYES!"

I thought Redheart had hated me before, but I could feel that the hatred grew tenfold at that moment.

"My inspiration was you. Enjoy." She replies coldly as she trots out the door.

Trixie blinks at the now cleared room, "Trixie senses something between the two of you."

I nod whilst poking the ass sucking food with my spoon, "Just now noticed that? Oh yeah. She and I go way back, to like yesterday."

Trixie snorts, "Hyoomins seem to make fast friends… Or enemies."

"Humans. And yes, Trixie. **_I_** make friends and enemies very easily."

At that moment, Doctor McNameless enters the room again, saying "Miss Lulamoon, we're going to have to ask you to leave now."

Trixie nods and gets up from her seat, "Alright. Thank you, Trixie will… See you later, Joseph."

I grunt, "Yeah, no you won't."

"...With that attitude, you're probably right."

And thus the door closes, leaving Doctor McNameless and I alone.

"...Do you need something?"

He nods, "Yes, actually. Lunch time isn't until two hours from now… How'd you get food already?"

I look at the poor excuse of lunch, "Nurse gave it to me."

Doc McNameless scratches the side of his head, "Huh… that isn't any food we serve to patients either…"

Blinking, realization sunk in, causing me to grit my teeth, "_Dinkleburg_…"

"What?"

Looking up to the doctor, I wave a dismissive hand, "Just forget it."

"Ah. Well Joseph, it is time for your medicine."

_Fuck._

* * *

As I finally exit the hospital, I put on my headphones, and quickly pull up my "Favorites" playlist, tapping the screen without really looking for a specific song.

As the music begins, I smirk, and began walking off in a random direction, because I have no damn clue where I am.

* * *

_The base, the rock, the mic, the treble,_

_I like my coffee black just like my metal,_

_With the base, the rock, the mic, the treble,_

_I like my coffee black just like my metal,_

_'Cause I can't wait for you to fuck me up,_

_In a minute, minute,_

_In a fuckin' minute,_

_I can't wait for you to fuck me up,_

_In a minute, minute,_

_In a second!_

_I can't wait for you to shut me up,_

_And make me, hip like bad-ass,_

_I can't wait for you to shut me up,_

_Shut, it, up!_

* * *

...Well shit. It's been nearly twenty minutes of me walking around town, and I still have no clue where I am. Hell, pretty sure I've gone in a circle a couple times.

And for some reason, everypony I've seen (well, ALMOST everypony) had a big smile the moment they saw me, and a few even tried to talk to me. Considering Vinyl Scratch lives here, you'd think they would know how futile it was trying to talk to someone with headphones on, but fuck it. My music is probably better than whatever they're trying to say.

Unfortunately, logic dictates that if I don't figure out where I am soon, I'll have to stop being an asshole and actually take off the headphones long enough to ask somepony for directions. Probably ask why the hell they're all smiling, too.

With a small sigh, I take a look around, actually paying attention to the smiling ponies staring at me. That's kinda creepy, actually…

As I look around, I notice Derpy putting a muffin in a mailbox, and then taking a bite out of a letter… Yeah, seems about right for her… Just hope said letter wasn't important.

Next I spot Lyra sitting on a bench in her oddly humanoid manner, and immediately turn my head to look for another pony. If the fandom happens to be correct about her, unlikely as that may be, I'd rather not talk to her just yet.

Alright, there goes the good Doctor. He doesn't seems terribly busy at the moment, so with a shrug, I make my way to the brown stallion.

Reluctantly taking off my headphones, I say, "Hello, Doctor. Sorry to bother you, but I'm apparently lost. This is only my fifth day of actually walking around the town, and I don't have the slightest idea of how to get anywhere from here. Think you could give me directions?"

The pony in question lets out a small sigh of his own, then responds, "I'm assuming you can find your way around from the library?"

"Yeah, that'd work."

"And you're sure you don't know where you are right now?"

With a slight pause, I respond, "Yes?"

The Doctor lets out another sigh, then points behind me. "Turn around, would you?"

Not entirely sure why, I do as he asks, turning around to see… Oh. I'm blind. And an idiot. Did I mention blind?

Right in front of me, just slightly past the road I had just come down, was the library.

"Joseph… Do yourself a favor, and get a map."

With that, the Doctor turns to trot away, leaving me to wonder what had him in such a bad mood today. Hell, I'm not even sure why I'm insisting on calling him "the Doctor" when I'm not even sure he's anything more than an inventor.

* * *

Quickly growing bored, and somewhat hating myself for being the unobservative fuck that I am, I walk up to my house, and open the door to find it pitch black inside, despite being daylight out still. Already knowing what's going on, I let out a groan.

The lights suddenly turn on, revealing a small army of ponies all yelling, "SURPRISE!"

...Wait a second, how the fuck did they all get here before I did, I just saw half of these ponies on the way here!

* * *

A/N: Well, this was a mostly uneventful chapter… Oh well, had to get something out to you guys, and I really didn't feel like writing another episode so quickly. If you enjoyed this boring excuse for a chapter, please, follow, favorite, and leave a review explaining what exactly it was that made this somehow enjoyable.


	12. Gaming, Apparently Dangerous

A/N: MEH. That's all I have to say right now. Have fun reading the chapter.

* * *

As I sit down on my bed, I can still hear the party going on below me, my absence unnoticed. Which, considering the party is for me, is pretty messed up. Not that it matters to me, I've never been one for parties anyway, and I'm not fond of crowds either.

Falling back on the bed, I let out a sigh, still wondering how Pinkie managed to set this up. I saw a good number of these ponies on the way here from the _library_, and didn't see the pink mare once since leaving the hospital. She must've literally teleported them into my house… and I don't wanna know how.

Hearing a knock at my door, I groan loudly. Seems I _haven't_ been forgotten… Reluctantly, I get up and go open the door, revealing Twilight Sparkle. Before I can get a word out, she asks, "Not one for parties, I'm guessing?"

"Hit the nail on the head. Might I ask why you came up here looking for me?"

Hesitating, the unicorn rubs her forelegs together awkwardly, before replying, "Well, I saw you head up the stairs, and thought that, if parties aren't your thing, maybe you could use a friend?"

"Ya know, Twilight, I had just been going to sit up here and play games on the computer…"

At this, her head instantly pops up. "Wait, human computers can play games?!"

"Yeah… Has Otaku not told you about this stuff?"

Pouting, she replies, "No… He always refuses to let me go near any of his stuff… Says 'it's for my own good.' What about the good of Equestria?! Human technology could jump our own decades ahead of it's time!"

Her statement forces Fallout: Equestria to the front of my mind, from which I quickly shove it out. Not on my watch. "Tell ya what. So long as you don't try to take it apart and see how it works, I'll let you play a game on my computer. However… I get to pick the game."

* * *

I can't help but smirk as I pull up the demo of Five Nights at Freddy's, and begin to explain to Twilight just what the game is about. "Basically, Twilight, this is a horror game. It's meant to scare you. Badly. I'll play for just a bit to show you how to not get scared, which means you lose, by the way."

With that, the _beautiful_ picture of Freddy appears on the screen, the bear freaking out as usual, and I start the first night.

Immediately, I mute Phone Guy, and begin flipping through the cameras to take a look around. Obviously, none of them could've moved already, but no harm in a quick peek.

* * *

At about two a.m., a little earlier than they usually would have started moving, Chica moved her ass off the stage, so I flipped the camera to the party room, and as one would expect, there she was.

Rolling my eyes, I flip the camera over to Pirate Cove, and see Foxy peeking out to look right at the camera, almost as if he knew I was looking… Then again, that's exactly what he's supposed to do.

Noticing this, Twilight speaks up, "Wait, if he's just going to move anyway, what's the point of constantly checking the camera?"

"If you don't, he'll be running down the hallway at 3 a.m., and you won't know he's there until he pops his head in to screech at you. Trust me when I say it's entirely necessary to check on him."

Twilight just nods at this, and I continue to play, waiting for one of the animatronics to show up at the door. As soon as one does, Bonnie this time, I hit the button and slam it shut, explain the reasoning, and abruptly exit the game.

Restarting it, I quickly show Twilight how to use the mouse, which is no issue at all with her magic, and begin the night again.

Twilight takes my teachings well, flipping through the cameras immediately, though not muting the call, wanting to hear what he says for herself.

She flips through the cameras religiously until 3 a.m. when the animatronics decided to move and Chica went off into the party room. As usual.

Twilight takes this in stride, to her credit, and continues on with the night, not worried in the slightest. Yet.

As the clock hits 4 a.m., she flips to Pirate Cove, only to see that she apparently hadn't checked the camera often enough, and Foxy had skipped the peeking stage to completely reveal himself, ready to charge down the hallway.

Twilight's eyes widen at this and she immediately flips to the cameras by her doors, then puts down the camera and closes the left door, then checks the right.

Luckily for her, Chica has yet to appear, and soon after Foxy comes a-bangin', allowing her to open that door and preserve her power that much longer.

As the clock changes to 5 a.m., nothing else has happened, leaving her free to close the doors for the final hour, which she does without hesitation.

For her first time, she's pretty damn good at this…

At my insistence, she starts the second night, which I tell her will be more difficult than the first. This doesn't deter her in the slightest, and she does an amazing job of keeping the animatronics at bay for the first 2 hours, only to lose track of Bonnie unexpectedly.

A quick check shows that he isn't at the door, yet, which leaves even me to wonder where the blue bunny disappeared to. Taking the mouse myself, I flip through all the locations Bonnie can possibly appear, and oddly enough don't see him anywhere. Not even in the storage closet.

"Okay… Just keep going, I guess. Make sure to keep checking the lights on that door, too."

It goes well for the next hour, then Chica disappears as well. At this point, Twilight's more than a little worried, to the point where she completely forgets to check the camera for Pirate Cove.

Before long, Foxy throws himself into the room, screaming his head off, causing Twilight to jump a bit in the chair.

"Well, you got to 4 a.m. at least. I'm sure you'll get it if you give it just one more try."

She nods slowly, starting the night once more. Oddly enough, Bonnie and Chica aren't even on the stage when she checks that camera, and when she flips over to Pirate Cove, the curtain is already completely open. A quick check of the hall cameras shows nothing, and there isn't an instant Foxy jumpscare the moment the tablet is lowered.

With this, the only animatronic remaining is Freddy himself. I quickly rake my mind for anything to explain this, only to come up blank. As I sit there thinking, considering that the data may have been corrupted, Freddy's head slowly turns to face the camera, something which should be entirely impossible, considering the only animations in the game are the jumpscares and Foxy running down the hall, and then the Toreador March begins playing for no reason. Freddy's eyes glow as well, becoming increasingly brighter as the seconds tick by, until I'm forced to look away from the screen along with Twilight.

The light instantly fades as we do so, and when we turn to look back at the screen, Freddy Fazbear has disappeared completely. Just in case, I quickly flip to the camera outside the left door, and sure enough, the Golden Freddy poster is there. I immediately lower the camera, only for Golden Freddy to disappear seconds after, not even doing his typical game crashing jumpscare.

With no animatronics left, the wait for 6 a.m. is entirely uneventful, not a single sound outside of the fan blowing. As the confetti falls over the screen, I can't help but wonder: WHAT THE FUCK?!

* * *

I shoot up from the bed, scared by the events of whatever dream I'd awoken from. Which in itself in strange, considering I haven't had a proper dream for nearly ten years, let alone a nightmare. Shaking my head, I stand up, and suddenly have a golden, animatronic face appear inches from my own.

Instantly, I fall back onto the bed, looking up to see nothing there at all. Blowing out a breath, I shake my head for the second time this morning. At least I know what my dream was about now…

Brushing it off, I stand once again and grab my glasses, then proceed to make my way to the living room. Before I have a chance to turn on the Xbox, however, I hear a loud commotion outside, and let out an equally loud groan myself.

Standing up yet again, I go to open my door, revealing a crowd of ponies making their way towards Town Hall, and reluctantly follow. Along the way, I bump into Otaku, who looks just as confused as I am.

As we reach Town Hall, I instantly see what the commotion is about, thanks to my superior height, and at the same time wish I couldn't see it.

Standing in front of Town Hall, just as they would on the stage, are Freddy, Bonnie, and Chica, and behind them, leaning out from behind the partially open door, is Foxy.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: I apologize for last chapter being so depressing, but I am pretty upset at the lack of feedback on the last chapter. Really, not even a review from baby… But oh well. I would like at least two reviews on this chapter, to let me know what you guys think. Now, to explain a few things you _might_ have had questions about. No, there won't be any more than two "Art Magic" users. Yes, Mr. Monkey is dead. And yes, the man at the end is Otaku, though the version from One Piece.

* * *

Me: Anyone have something to say before we get to the chapter?

0-Blazing Sun-0: Why didn't you have me edit that last cha-

Me: I don't care~! ON TO THE STORY!

* * *

To be completely honest, I couldn't even manage to process any of it properly at first. My thoughts just kept bouncing around randomly. _Streaked hair. Otaku has hair like that. The arm. Why is there only an arm? Sword. My sword looks pretty cool. Streaked hair. He isn't Otaku. Water. The water here tastes good. The arm. Where's the rest?_

As much as I hate to admit it, it took me a whole ten minutes before I even realized that he was talking to me. It took me a little longer to actually make out what he was saying. But even then I didn't notice the group of people behind him for a while. Wait a minute…

He wasn't asking questions anymore. Now he was just trying to get my attention. Come to think of it… "Why am I soaking wet?"

Even in this situation, it seems he couldn't help but laugh. In answer, his arm turns into water and rises above my head, and then he drops most of it onto me, soaking me even more.

You could say that everything clicked into place right then. Or you could say that I finally started thinking properly again. Either way, I suddenly found myself saying, "Logia type? That means that you're from One Piece… Wait… Mr. Monkey is dead…"

Something about him changes right then. Nothing about his expression changed. His face had relaxed right after he dropped the water on me, but now, without so much as twitching, a menacing aspect somehow manifested itself there.

"Yeah. I know. I guess I just forgot it somehow, but I watched them kill him before they took me."

Now, if I hadn't already figured it out, I would be terribly confused right now. However, all the ponies around me just stare at him like he's crazy.

I watch as he turns to the crowd of ponies and clears his throat. "Right, I haven't explained anything yet. So, you all know how Otaku used to be from another world, right? Well, he never _left_ that world. He was here _and_ there at the same time, experiencing both worlds at the same time. And being the idiot he is, he decided to add one more world to the list. Or rather, I did. You see, I'm the version of Otaku from _that_ world, so essentially, I _am_ Otaku, and I know everything that happened to him because I _am_ him. Did that clear it up for _any_ of you?"

Three of the ponies, Twilight, Pinkie Pie, and Brush Stroke, nod, though if Pinkie actually understood that I would find a way to eat my elbows. Sorry, but eating my boots would be too mainstream. Anyway, back on topic…

A man with a sword at his waist walks up, saying, "Sorry to interrupt, Captain, but I believe introductions are in order."

"Yes, that's right. Get the others to come over here, and we can begin."

A few moments later, the rest of them walk up to us. Among them is another man with a sword, this time with blue hair, a girl with black hair and a pistols strapped to her thigh, and a man shouldering a scythe. And with that, the man with streaked hair begins his introductions.

"All right, you may know my version from this world as Otaku, but please refer to _me_ as John. I'm the captain. The girl here is my first mate and lookout, Aahee. The guy with blue hair is our cook, Glarden. Don't get confused, he isn't a proper swordsman, just a cook who's quite skilled with his sword. Next is the demolitions expert, Jack. He's the one with the scythe. And lastly is our swordsman, Kolton, the other guy with a sword, in case that wasn't obvious. I decided to bring him for one reason and one reason only; he can turn into a horse."

He should not have said that. Not with the nerd pony- Aaand there she goes. Twilight is right next to Kolton in less than a second, going full nerd-mode on him, asking him question after question about his abilities. Which brings up the subject of Devil Fruits. And that is something no one would want to try and explain to a pony like Twilight. Feeling merciful, and perhaps a bit like committing mental suicide, I walk up to them, and say, "Twilight, to put it in a way you would understand; Devil Fruits are the magic of their world. You eat one and it gives you special and unique powers. But you can only eat one, and it's near impossible to know which one it is before you eat it."

And then the purple pony just gives me a quizzical look. 'Shit… Now she's going to ask me how I know that…'

"Joseph, how would you know how something from their world works?"

Fishing for words in an apparent desert, I merely say, "Ummm…"

Luckily for me, John happens to overhear and comes over. "Twilight, you know how Pinkie sometimes says something about a fourth wall that makes no sense at all? Let's just say that the world me and Joseph originally came from was on the other side of that wall."

Seemingly satisfied with this explanation, though I have no clue how, she starts to walk off towards the library. Which is when everyone is suddenly reminded that the town was practically destroyed. So much for all the casual conversation.

Startling everyone, Twilight screams, "SPIKE!" the baby dragon in question seemingly appears from nowhere and walks up to her. Wait a minute, where the hell was he this whole time? I don't remember seeing him at all during our trip to Manehattan…

Twilight clears her throat and begins dictating to the baby dragon. "'Dear Princess Celestia, whether or not you already received word of this, Ponyville has been attacked by these shadow creatures. Only one house has been damaged beyond repair, but the owner of said house seems to have been foalnapped. His roommate, however, was, by all given evidence, killed. I believe, given the situation, this can be taken as a declaration of war.' Got all that Spike?"

"Um… how do you spell 'evidence' again?"

At this point, Pinkie bounces over, saying, "Look up the page a bit and read what you just said, silly!"

Facepalming both mentally and physically, I can't help but ask the obvious. "Pinkie, was that a little sample of you breaking the fourth wall?"

John looks at me and starts speaking. "I hope you aren't implying that this might be some kind of fanfiction. Because if it is, the author must not like us very much."

I shrug, not really sure how to answer. "I suggest we stop this conversation before we melt our brains. Now, how much longer before we round up all of Celestia's guards and go kick some shadowy ass?"

Taking a moment to realize the question was directed at her, Twilight replies. "Well, I'm still waiting for the Princess to return my letter, but it shouldn't be too long." In an extremely well-timed move, Spike burps up a letter right after she finishes her sentence.

"Ahem. 'Dearest Twilight Sparkle, I in fact had not yet received word of this, and agree that it could be taken as a deh… deh…'"

"Declaration?" I offer.

"Oh, right! 'Declaration of war, and have decided to send a few chariots to collect Joseph and anypony else who wishes to help.' Wow, you're going to go fight those things?!"

* * *

Okay, skipping ahead for your sake, seeing as you probably don't care to hear about the rest of this seemingly hour-long group conversation, John, his crew, Rainbow Dash, and I all climb aboard the chariots and head out on our way to a cave not far from Manehattan, where most of the "Shadowlings" (don't look at me like that, I'm not the one who chose the name) activity had been traced back to. On the way, John tells me more about his crew, a topic which I gladly involve myself in.

"Aahee isn't a Devil Fruit user, but she can use Observation and Armament Haki, so she can definitely hold her own in a fight. Her pistols were modified recently, so one of them can be switched to a rapid fire mode, and the other can shoot 'Impact Missiles'. Basically, Impact Dials attached to small 'missiles'.

"Glarden ate the Demon Demon Fruit, which is somehow a Paramecia/Zoan crossbreed. He can turn into a demon, and summon some weaker ones. The thing is, they look just like the 'Shadowlings', so he won't really be able to use those here. His sword, Krowe, is a Devil's Blade, a weapon specifically made to work with a Devil Fruit, so when he transforms, it does too.

"Kolton ate the Horse Horse Fruit, and can use three of the Six Powers in his hybrid form. Soru, Rankyaku, and Geppo. Aside from that, he's just like your average swordsman, though probably a lot better.

"Now, Jack ate the Destroy Destroy Fruit, so he can really fuck some shit up when he feels like it. He can actually kill someone with a single hit, but I'm not so sure that his Internal Buster or Dust Pulverizer would work on the Shadowlings. By the way, he can apparently absorb explosions, so if he seems to be having trouble, just shoot him with your Shinigami Cannon."

I open my mouth to reply to that last bit, but the words die in my throat when I see a gigantic shadow reaching across at least 2 miles in any given direction. And from the looks of it, said shadow is right outside the cave we were flying to.

* * *

A/N: Alright, so it's only about 2k words, or maybe a little over that. But either way, it's another chapter, right? Yeah, I know, it's pretty pathetic for the final chapter before the actual war, but it's not like I'm trying to prolong it or anything. I was actually planning on including it in this chapter, but that would make the chapter somewhere near 5k, and I don't think I'm ready to write that much for a single chapter yet. Besides, that there seemed like a perfect spot to end the chapter.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Sumimasen, sumimasen, sumimasen! I swear, I tried to get it done sooner, but... Well, my progress was greatly impeded by getting Minecraft on my new laptop, and then working on the anime, and _then _by writer's block trying to creep in. Anyway, looks like the war is finally gonna begin, huh? Hopefully there wasn't too much buildup, because in that case many of you will be a little disappointed. Now, once again clearing up any confusion about the last chapter, yes, the "gigantic shadow reaching across at least two miles in any given direction" was the army of Shadowlings, and no, I didn't really think about it when I had Spike write the word "declaration" but two minutes later not be able to read it. Then again, I don't give a shit about Spike. As I've said before, he's a dragon, but the last thing he is is cool. I couldn't care less if I fuck up something in the story, so long as it involves only him. And now it's time to finishing this author's note by answering the reviews!

John: Oh yes, all one of them...

0-Blazing Sun-0: Minecraft huh? A likely story.

MattyTF: Why thank you. I always appreciate a new reader. Oh, and the earlier chapters are being rewritten, so you might want to go back and read the story all over again. I didn't really change much, but I _did_ make changes

Me: ON TO THE STORY!

* * *

Considering the fact that there was nothing above it to actually _make _a shadow that big, it didn't take long for us to figure out that the "shadow" was actually an army of Shadowlings. How a shadow, even a semi-solid, living one, could survive while standing in unhindered beams of light is beyond me, but they did it. A lot of unexplainable shit happens in Equestria, and wherever they came from apparently follows similar rules. Lucky us.

It took us all of ten minutes after we saw the shadow to land the three chariots at the nice little camp that was set up about a mile away. Unfortunately, I'm using "little" in the literal sense. It was at most a few hundred feet across in any given direction, meaning that no matter how tightly packed the guards were in those tents, we were horribly outnumbered. No one really knew what the Shadowlings were capable of individually in combat, but it was obvious that the ones who attacked Ponyville and trashed the place didn't number anywhere close to what was out there now. In other words, if these guards didn't seriously know their shit, game over. I mean, sure, we had John and his crew, but they were only human, despite having Devil Fruit powers. They would eventually tire out and be overpowered, which could easily mean defeat.

Huh. Turns out the guards _do _know their shit. And of course, using more of Equestria's logic-defying whatever the fuck you want to call it, those tents work just like the ones in Harry Potter, or perhaps the TARDIS. They each take up only 400 square feet of the camp, but are 10000 square feet on the inside. And here's the kicker: according to the guards themselves, _those tents_ _aren't even enchanted or anything!_

But I'm ranting. I didn't actually find out that the guards knew their shit until later, and, to be honest, when Celestia (yes, the princess of Equestria was there, but no, I have no clue how she got herself and that many guards to Manehattan that quickly, let alone in time to set up this camp) showed us the tent _we_ would be using, I think my mind broke again. Twice in one day, a new record for me. Of course, given that my mind hadn't _ever_ broken before then, it's impossible for it not to have been a new record.

Anyway, all it took to bring me back this time was a "gentle touch" from John. By which I mean he slapped the shit out of me as soon as he heard the weird shit I was saying. Unfortunately, I don't remember any of it, and no one would tell me what I said, so I can't write it here. And of course, something everyone noticed right away was that _Fluttershy_ was here, along with quite a few other ponies that I assume were doctors and nurses, based on the cutie marks (and no, in a world where ponies can talk and have pictures on their flanks that depict what their "special talent" is, looking at the asses of pretty much any of them you see is not perverted _or_ gay). Now, that would be just fine, if we hadn't left Fluttershy in Ponyville. So it's safe to say everyone else was thinking the same thing I was. _WHAT THE FUCK, WHEN DID _FLUTTERSHY_GET HERE?!_

Well, to be honest, Rainbow probably used "buck" instead, and I doubt John's crew actually knew her name, but meh.

Anyway, once we got over that little mindfuck, we had a nice, long talk with a certain sun princess. And, as protocol demands, she's the one who began that conversation.

"Joseph, from what Twilight told me, you were the only true human in Equestria. And yet, here are five more."

"Sorry to disappoint, but they aren't from my world, and none of them are _regular_ humans. Besides, they only just showed up in _this_ world today."

Taking that as his queue, John begins speaking. "Twilight may have mentioned a pony with strange powers named Otaku to you. Put simply, due to those strange powers, Otaku exists in a few different worlds with a different body and name in each. However, his, or rather, my, mind is connected to all of the bodies instead of just one. I made a portal between two of the worlds, but shortly after that Otaku got kidnapped. So, because of that, I picked these four to come with me and jumped through the portal to help out. Now, did you understand all that, or did I just horribly confuse you?"

"No, I understand. Though I will have to speak to this 'Otaku' about bringing strange and apparently powerful beings into this world."

And there goes the facepalm. "No, you obviously didn't understand. One mind, more than one body. Whatever I… Oh, fuck it. Sure, as soon as we save him, you can tell him. Thing is, Otaku is unconscious right now. Also, I need to be back in my world before he wakes up, so-"

At that moment, John is interrupted by one of the guards – a yellow pegasus with a purple mane that I later learned was in charge of Wind Chaser's unit – running in and yelling, "WE'RE UNDER ATTA-"

Unfortunately, Golden Wing – that's his name – is interrupted by a shadowy arm shooting through his head and out of his mouth mid-sentence. The owner of said arm materializes from Golden Wing's shadow even as he throws the stallion's limp form aside, and then proceeds to charge us, arm taking a blade-like shape as he does so.

Of course, that makes it his turn to be interrupted, and I, running purely on instinct and a sudden adrenaline rush, manage to do so by smacking the flat of my blade against the Shadowling's head. Then, as the Shadowling flies across the room, we hear a far off explosion. And seeing as where we are, there's only one place those explosions could be coming from: Manehattan.

Wait… With the defenses Twilight and I set up, Manehattan should be perfectly safe from the Shadowlings. With that in mind, I turn my attention back to the Shadowling, only to find it inches from me, a sword going right through its head. A quick glance to my left reveals the owner of the blade to be Glarden, apparently in demon form. His skin is completely black, his eyes are glowing blood red, his muscles are now bulging, and the broadsword he had at his waist before has transformed into a bastard sword with horned skulls on the hilt.

"John, when you said he could turn into a demon, you forgot to mention that he looked _badass_!"

A flick of Glarden's blade throws the corpse of the Shadowling onto the floor a few feet away, and the cook turns his head to me in what I'm assuming is disappointment. "One major rule in a fight: never let yourself be distracted from your opponent. If I hadn't been watching the thing myself, there's a very serious chance that you would be dead."

John lets out a small laugh at that. "He's right Joseph. It would probably be in your best interest to put on the full suit of armor too. Now, in case the Shadowling just now wasn't indication enough, this little 'war' has officially started. Everybody split up and kill shit!"

* * *

Mere minutes later, I find myself surrounded by the Shadowlings, with not even the smallest opening to slip through. So, I do what anyone else with a badass sword that can transform would do: I turn it into an axe and start spinnin'. After about ten seconds, I bring myself to a stop, having eliminated the ring of Shadowlings around me. As the bodies fall, I notice small wisps of shadows rising from them like a thin veil of smoke. Noting the seemingly unimportant detail, I take a quick look around and see something truly terrifying; not far from where I'm standing, a brute of a Shadowling grabs a unicorn by the horn and _flows right into him_!

With a scream of terror and pain, the body of the unicorn begins morphing into something the likes of which I had never seen. As I watch in horror, the unicorn's forelegs are forced apart by newly bulging chest muscles, only for the joints to reverse with a sickening crack, and sharp spikes of bone shoot out of the hooves. Next, the entire skeletal and muscular structure of the unicorn shifts and expands to the point where the skin is ripped to shreds, only just hanging on in some places, and it stands on two legs. Then, as the final stage of the horrifying transformation, the jaws widen, the teeth elongate into dangerously sharp canines, and two curved horns burst from the sides of the skull.

The creature – there was no more calling it a unicorn at this point – takes a few lumbering steps towards a terrified guard, and then breaks into a full on charge, impaling him with a spiked hoof as it rampages through the camp. Just as I'm about to turn away, I see the creature come to a halt, raising its arm and taking a bite out of the guard, only to be knocked over by a giant surge of water.

Seeing the opportunity for what it was, I shift my weapon into its third form: a Gatling gun. Not wasting a second, I pull the trigger and watch as the storm of bullets tears into the creature. Within moments, however, the creature throws itself to its feet, seemingly unfazed by the bullets ripping their way through it. That isn't to say it failed to notice, though. With a deafeningly loud roar, it turns its focus to me, and begins to charge.

Fearing for my life now, I switch my armor to the third and final form, dropping down and firing several blasts from the Shinigami Cannon in quick succession. On top of that, I use the Molecular Generator to create a good 20 or so Regen-Missiles, which immediately fly towards the charging beast. I then climb to my feet, watching the cloud of dust thrown up by the explosion for signs of movement. After about 30 seconds, I see the Regen-Missiles fly out, searching for new targets. Taking this to mean that the creature is dead, I turn to pick up my weapon, only to see the heavily injured creature – one of its arms was only just hanging on by a small strip of skin, and all the flesh on one side of its head had seemingly been blown off, not to mention the gigantic hole in its torso - burst from the settling cloud of dust with a bloodthirsty roar.

"WILL THIS THING _EVER_ DIE?!" I yell out as I run away, going as fast as my legs will take me.

Then, in a move that no doubt saved my life, Jack launches himself into the air with an explosion, burying the blade of his scythe in the creature's skull as he landed on its back. Much to my surprise, he ended it with one more blow, a punch that -according to what I was later told- completely destroyed all of the creature's bones and organs.

"Internal Buster!"

I can't help but stop and look around at the chaos that our camp had become. My mind couldn't process all the carnage, from what was once a relatively peaceful place less than a minute ago. Shaking my head, I spot an earth pony guard surrounded by three Shadowlings and charge over to help him as the battle rage all around the camp.

* * *

I take a quick look around as I pull my blade from one of the Shadowlings, and notice the lack of others in the surrounding area. "The heck? There's no way we killed all of them already! Not with the size of that shadow I saw!"

Almost as in answer, Wind Chaser flies over at that moment, coming from the city. "Joseph! We've got to find Princess Celestia ASAP! The Shadowlings somehow managed to get into and overrun Manehattan! And even worse, there are these huge _creatures_ running around destroying everything and killing anypony they see!"

"Whoa, Whoa, hold your horses. How co- Whoops, sorry about the pun there. Hehe… Anyway, how could they have gotten in? I made sure the entire perimeter of the city was near-perfectly defended against the Shadowlings. There's no way any large number of them could've gotten in by going above ground…"

Right as the word was coming out of my mouth, I realized my fuck-up. I then proceeded to facepalm so hard that I'm pretty sure I would find a bruise later.

"There's a sewer system or something under Manehattan, isn't there?"

"Yep… So, are we going to go get the princess, or are we going to wait for those things to destroy Manehattan and then come for us?"

* * *

When we finally got to Manehattan, it was practically in ruins. Rubble was strewn out across the streets, and many of the buildings around us had massive chunks missing. It seemed as if a breeze could cause them to collapse.

Unfortunately, we didn't get to see if one would, as one of the creatures chose that moment to barge straight through a building to our left. Now, before anything else, I believe I should mention that this creature was entirely different from the one we fought earlier. Judging by the wings (made much larger and slighty demonic during the mutation), it had been a pegasus, meaning that those bigger Shadowlings could possess more than just unicorns.

It was roughly the same size as the other one, and had the same ripped-to-shreds skin, but, even excluding the wings and lack of horns, there were two _very_ obvious differences. For one, this creature had _proper_ arms and legs. As in, fingers (albeit clawed ones) and talons at the end of the proper limbs. For the second difference, it had a fucking _tail._ Oh, I know what you're thinking: 'Didn't the other have a tail?' Well, this tail was like a dragon's, excluding the scales. All in all, this creature seemed _demonic._

_Fuck it, I'm going to call ones like this Demons, and ones like the first Impalers._

Anyway, it didn't take long for the rampaging Demon to notice us, seeing as we weren't very far from the building it just charged through. Skidding to a halt, it spat a ball of darkness at us (because it really _needed_ to be more demonic) before running towards us itself.

"Hey!" A unicorn next to me exclaimed. "I just remembered an exorcism spell! It's supposed to remove a possessing force from anypony it's cast on!"

At this, I just turned to him, both my face and words saying the same thing. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Thing is, it has a charge time, so you'll need to keep _that_ away from me. Also, you might want to move now before it runs you over."

Turning back to the Demon, I take notice of how true his words are before jumping as far to the right as possible, yelling; "SHIT!"

Unfortunately, despite my _wonderful_ dodging, the charging Demon's leg connects with my midsection, sending me fucking flying into one of the nearby buildings. There was _one _little spot of luck in that though; I went through a window, not a wall. Given that I had just been kicked by that gigantic monster, crashing into a wall would've all but killed me.

Rising to my feet, I took a few tentative steps back towards the window I had flown through, to see that the Demon was _flying_ after Wind Chaser. Apparently the dumbass had decided to distract the thing himself, likely without considering that it could fly as well. Or at least, that's the impression I got from seeing him clearly exerting himself to fly as fast as possible, looking back nervously every few seconds.

Meanwhile, down on the ground, the unicorn guard's horn was glowing almost blindingly, even in full daylight. Averting my eyes from him, I noticed two things: One, several blocks down the road was an Impaler. Two, my sword had been knocked away and onto the ground when the Demon kicked me.

Luckily, the unicorn guard chose that moment to yell out, "READY! Get it a little bit closer so that I can hit it!"

Not so luckily, his shout just now had caught the attention of the Impaler. Which was now... slowly lumbering towards us. _Weird. Either the Impalers can't see very well, or it can tell that the unicorn isn't going anywhere for a while. Wait, no, it would have to be the second one. That Impaler earlier could see me just fine from a distance._

Either way, if I didn't get down there and get my sword soon, that unicorn wasn't going to last. Switching my armor to the third form, I use the Molecular Generator to make something I had Otaku make for fun one day: a Clawshot from Legend of Zelda - Twilight Princess. Screw going down there, I could just bring the sword to me!

_Alright, hope I can aim this thing right..._

After reverting back to the first form of my armor (a gauntlet on my left arm), I slide my right hand into the Clawshot, feeling for the grip and trigger on the inside. _There! Alright, just point it at the handle of my sword and... _fire_!_

The claw opened in midair, flying towards my sword. Rather than grabbing the handle, however, the claw snapped shut just a few inches short, and the chain instantly retracted. Not wasting a beat, I lean out the window as far as I dare, and fire again. This time, the claw just barely snapped shut around the very end of the handle, and the sword began flying towards me, pulled by the retracting Clawshot.

Unable to properly discern the exact angle the sword would be at as it flew through the window, I did the only thing I could to guarantee that it wouldn't hit me: I dropped down to the fucking floor, throwing my arms over my head instinctively. Of course, that action caused the retracting chain to swing towards the left, which meant my sword didn't go through the window at all. Instead, it cleaved an inch or two into the wall _beside_ the window, just enough that the blade was stuck.

Raising my head and standing up, I reach out the window, grab my sword, and dislodge it from the wall just in time to see the unicorn blast his spell at the Demon, knocking it back and causing it to fall. However, by this point the Impaler was right behind him, and slammed a spiked hoof down on top of the unsuspecting guard.

Or at least, it would have, had the Demon not backhanded it at the last second. That's right, the fucking _Demon_ got up, ran over to the Impaler, and backhanded the bitch. Oh, and what's more, the unicorn looked up at the Demon, and fucking _smiled_! And because that isn't crazy enough, the unicorn starts _talking_ to it.

"Looks like your back to being a pony. Well, your mind at least..."

At that point, I stopped listening, mainly because the Impaler was getting back up. Switching to the Gatling gun form of my weapon (not exactly a fast procedure, seeing as I have to change it to an axe first), I fire a storm of bullets at the Impaler, aiming for the head all the while. Hopefully, if the bullets shred the brain into enough pieces, the thing will fucking die from my gun this time.

Of course, turns out I wasn't the only one shooting it. As the Impaler lifted its arms to shield itself, an explosion of pure force (as in, no flames, no smoke, nothing) literally blows off its left arm, opening up my shot again for a moment. Just a moment, though, as the Impaler lets out a cry of agony and begins flailing around wildly. Maybe half a minute later, it seems to calm down, and stops flailing. Instead, it begins looking around, as if searching for the shooter. Before it has a chance to look my way, I duck back inside, throwing my gun over away from the window.

From what John told me about his crew, the other shooter would have to be Aahee. To be honest, I'm not sure when she got to Manehattan, seeing as she didn't come with us, but I'm not complaining if she can use those... Impact Missiles of hers to kill some of the big guys.

I hear one more Impact Missile go off, and nothing but silence for several moments afterward. That doesn't last very long, though, as one more Impact Missile breaks a hole in the ceiling across the room from me. Seconds later, Aahee drops through said hole, and shakes her head as I just stare at her, jaw dropped.

_And she was sure that wouldn't make the ceiling fall on me _how_?_

Seemingly reading my mind (and quite possibly actually doing so, seeing as she has Observation Haki), she says, "Lower power Dial. Had the one with apples on her ass kick it before we left. Thought I might need a missile with less power than usual at some point. Turns out I was right. Now come on, let's go see what the deal is with the _peaceful_ one."

With that, she decides to fucking _jump_ out the window. Which would be totally fine, if we weren't on the _third floor or higher_! Pushing her seemingly insane actions out of my mind for the moment, I decide on a safer method: I use the Clawshot to hang from the window, and slowly lower myself down.

* * *

Turns out, even Wind Chaser is excited about the now-peaceful Demon. It can't talk for some reason, but it did scratch some stuff into the ground. Read exactly as it's written, it says, "Dawn Cloud... Mare... Day guard... Do you remember me?"

"Well, Wind Chaser, answer the... mare."

Of course, he didn't hear me. He just kept looking back and forth between "Dawn" and what "she" had scratched into the ground. A good while later, he finally stopped with his gaze locked on the former pegasus. "You... you _can't_ be Dawn Cloud. She's an amazing flyer. One of our _best._ If _you_ got caught..."

With a roll of my eyes, I barge into the "conversation". "Sorry to interrupt - not really - but don't you think this would be easier if she could talk? I'm willing to bet the reason she can't is because her vocal cords were damaged by all the extra muscle growing in. And if I'm right, a quick spell might fix that. You _can_ do a healing spell, can't you?"

At this, the unicorn looks away sheepishly, and Aahee begins to walk off, calling back to us. "Well, as fun as this is, I'm going to go kill some more of those big guys. The fighting hasn't stopped just because we did."

I turned to watch her go, and I considered following her, but my curiosity had been roused by the scene taking place behind me. With a sigh, I return my gaze to Dawn and the others, only to see that she is _fully_ healed. Light green skin no longer shredded, but covering the body as it should, and even the _cutie mark_ restored to its former glory, depicting a sun resting on the horizon, with a single pink cloud floating nearby.

Two hours later, the last of the Shadowlings falls to Kolton's blade. In that time, I discovered what the mutated earth ponies looked like, dubbed them Berserkers (seriously, they were worse than the Impalers), and got to "help" a group of unicorns go around and exorcise about 16 more of the mutated ponies. By which I mean I ran around making as much noise as possible and pissing off every single Impaler, Demon, or Berserker that came into sight, all while keeping far enough away from the unicorns that they wouldn't be targeted, but not so far that they wouldn't be able to hit the growing horde behind me with their spells. If I hadn't been using the _Double _Clawshot, I would have been caught several times.

I didn't bother learning the names of all the exorcised ponies, but I_ did_ share my names for the different types, along with suggesting that they be used as a part of Equestria's military, along with any former occupation, assuming they could still perform it in their current form. Several of them complained at that, but most agreed. Of course, that's when I noticed the big problem with my idea: Even if they _could_, they would have to be moved somewhere else, seeing as their appearance, although improved slightly when they were healed, still would prove quite frightening to some. They _were _designed to kill now, whether they actually would or not.

* * *

Anyway, upon returning to the camp, I find a quite surprising scene before me; John and Celestia were engaged in a heated argument.

"THAT'S THE WHOLE REASON I EVEN CAME HERE!"

"I will not send my guards into such an obvious ambush, regardless of the circumstances. Besides, as you so clearly pointed out, if it weren't for you and your 'crew', we wouldn't have ended this nearly as quickly, if at all. I think that is proof enough that you can handle yourself in those caves."

That's the last to be heard of the argument, as John literally _surges _out of the tent, his lower half nothing but water. Moments later, his crew follows, obviously not pleased with the situation either. Curiosity driving my actions, I grab Glarden's shoulder, asking, "What's the deal?"

"John's other body is still unconscious somewhere, and John's convinced that he's in the cave we saw. The big white one won't let him bring any of her guards with him though; too risky, she said."

I decided to follow John and his crew, wanting to get Otaku back safe and sound.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Hello! Before we get to the chapter, I would like to let you guys know about another game I've been playing lately. It's called ArcheAge, and it's an MMORPG. If you enjoy this type of game, just go to archeagegame dot com. Anyway, if you didn't read over 4 thousand words in the last chapter, go back and read it again. I have the full war there, so this chapter should finish up the second arc of the story. Key word, should. But now, the one and only review. Hope that doesn't become a trend...

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matt miller 142240: Yeah, Glarden saved ma lef. HE SAVED MA LEF! Anyway... What exactly was confusing about it? As for more detail... NO. And as for the weapon sounding like "Luffy special", well, the attack was named after the gun. Now, what the hell do you mean "1st to 3rd"?

* * *

Me: So, anything to say before we get started?

0-Blazing Sun-0: … How 'bout them Bears?

Brush Stroke: Still not sure why I'm in the story...

Me: Too bad, can't tell ya. Spoilers and all. Welp, ON TO THE STORY!

* * *

You aren't going to believe this, but thanks to Kolton, we caught up to John pretty quickly. By which I mean he turned into a horse, I hopped on his back, and we ran after him. When we caught up to him though... Well, you try and imagine how awkward it is to ride a horse, have the horse begin a conversation with someone, and then be left out of said conversation.

"John, I know this is an urgent matter, but perhaps it would be best if you were to slow down just a little bit, in case there actually is an ambush waiting."

With a roll of his eyes, John replies in a somewhat bitter tone, "Please. I'll wipe out anything that gets in my way. And even if I don't, it isn't like they can catch me. Logia type, remember?"

They continue with this back and forth for a while, before Kolton finally lets up and we fall back to the others. Almost immediately, I notice that Jack unwound the chain on his arm, holding one end in his hand and letting the other trail behind him as he runs.

Curious, I ask, "So what's with the chain?"

"Nothing really. But it never hurts to have a bit of extra range."

I nod, understanding his point completely. If you can attack from a farther distance than your enemy can, you've got a pretty good advantage already. Knowing how to use that extra range properly only increases the advantage gained.

* * *

About 5 minutes later, John rushed into the cave, us following shortly after. Once inside, however, it became apparent that this cave wasn't going to be easy to search. It was practically a maze, and we were barely at the entrance. Coincidentally, there were five different branches here, and there were five of us.

"I hate the idea of splitting up, but we have no choice. I'm going down the middle, if you don't mind."

Not waiting for a reply, I begin to walk down the tunnel. Before long, however, I notice something strange. For some reason, the cave was dimly lit everywhere I looked, though no lights were to be seen. Because of this, I manage to spot a torn piece of paper with seemingly random letters with seemingly random capitalization as well. Wary enough from all the movies and stories I know of where reading words you don't understand fucks shit up, I silently read the strange assortment of letters.

* * *

WwgfwsgrjsfOeaes rhgezasdg5rtweh4rsdWhasgesrhesgrh YdherdgbvsrdhjsegvhjOgrjherdgesdgergwegvrhjtUfrjrdygrcj7yuytgegtrtedv agvesgadsgbherwsverdhwsedhbdAsdvhggesgbdCgseghesgrsedgsbsTgesgherdsegreUetgrgdfeshyerdAesuedsrui6tr4udLseryhgdfgsdLsehuejrdsYwtyghdrseu5ws wsheswyeusdLwestfgdsghdOset4eygeOdh5tfrsgdfhcxKsgheghdsEe4ytwesgfsDseydayegt4sdg sey4ehrdsF segsgseOshsstyersatwegsygs Rsegsegfase4hgseyhdse fseuhywseagAsggs Hsegsehgs IsgsdgedhjseghsDesgesfgsdrsefge4saethdjtsreDesghseaasdEsegyw4styhsNseghers sgseage5rsgMsegwsefgesEsgeyhgsetyghesghshSe5u4ergsrdhjdrsShju5rhgbegeeshseAgeshjGsfde4ujrhseuseujerEsehers?

* * *

The question mark at the end bothered me, because it made it seem as if there was actually something sensible hidden there, but I didn't have the time to actually figure it out. I'm supposed to be looking for Otaku, after all. Not wanting to leave it however, I shove the piece of paper in my pocket, hoping that I won't completely forget it's there like I usually do, and continue on my way.

As I'm walking through the cave, my mind begins to wander, and I end up tripping and falling on my face. I turn to look for what I triped over, and see... an arm... Or perhaps a leg, depending on how you prefer to look at it. It's an Impaler's arm, and as my eyes trail down it, I find the rest of the body as well, and easily figure out what happened to it.

The head's gone. Completely gone, as if it was never there in the first place. Not even a stump of a neck remaining to show where a head once sat upon the shoulders.

Turning my attention from the body, I notice that the cave now forks in two different directions, one tunnel going down further into the ground, and the other at a slight incline. Using videogame logic, I would find Otaku deeper down in the cave, if at all, so I go that way, hoping not to find any other oddities along the way.

* * *

Luckily for me, I don't, and after about an hour of walking, I find myself in a large chamber of sorts, with many different tunnels branching out from it, and a large hole in the center of the floor. To my surprise, Glarden emerges from one of the tunnels shortly after, stopping quite abruptly upon seeing me.

"Hey Glarden. Weird that we ended up running into each other, isn't it?"

Though it was too dark to see properly, I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was rolling his eyes. "Oh, yes. Cave full of tunnels with one big room where they all meet up? Very strange we would both be here."

"Whatever. Let's just check this stupid hole." I reply, gesturing to the hole in the center.

We walk up to the edge of the hole, and peer in. Down at the bottom is a cage...

"You don't think..."

"What else is there to think? Leave it to me."

As I watch, he summons a small group of shadowy demons, near invisible in the semi-darkness of the cave, who jump right into the hole and lift the cage up. Then, logic flying out the window, they throw the cage up out of the hole, and it lands right next to us without hardly a sound.

Inside the cage, just as expected, Otaku lies unconscious. However, what we didn't expect was a dead Demon in there with him. A closer look reveals that it, too, is missing its head, in the same way as the Impaler, not even a single hint that there even was a head in the first place.

Mentally filing the strange occurrence away, I begin looking for some way to open the cage, and within moments find it. It's horribly simple, to the point that Otaku could have opened it himself were he awake. A lift latch, or whatever you want to call it, is the only thing holding the door shut.

Rolling my eyes, I lift it and pull the door open, and then oh so carefully wake Otaku. By which I mean I began slapping the shit out of him till he opened his eyes. You know, seeing as Glarden knew that Otaku and John are the same person, it's kind of surprising he let me do it...

* * *

We return to the camp with Otaku, John carrying himself for some reason, and I notice a single cloud in the air above the camp.

"Rainbow, no doubt about it..."

Anyway, a few minutes later we're talking to Celestia, who seems to have an endless list of questions for Otaku, which pretty much go as follows:

"How did you discover this 'Art Magic' of yours?"

"By accident. I just drew a picture of myself as a pony, and here I was."

"Drew a picture of yourself as a pony? What inspired you to do that? And assuming your appearance now matches the picture, how did you know what the ponies of Equestria look like?"

"May I skip that question? Trust me, you won't like the answer..."

"And why is that?"

"Answering would give you a one hay of a reality complex."

* * *

After his questioning finally ends, we all hop on the chariots and go back to Ponyville. Once there, however, our jaws drop at what we see. Somehow, in the course of the hours we were gone, the entire town was restored to its former glory, as if nothing out of the ordinary had ever happened.

"Fucking magic... Not that I'm complaining, my house got fucked up too."

* * *

A/N: Okay, I know it's a bit of a disappointment after the last chapter, but oh well. I wrote this chapter pretty quickly, to be honest (only took 2 and a half hours), so I hope it turned out to be good. Now, I have a question for you all. Not counting the ones up to episode 7, which episodes from season 1 do you want me to include? I'm only doing 5, so just tell me which ones you want to see. Anyway, remember to favorite, follow, and all that. UH BUH BYE!


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: I'm somewhat disappointed. No one had even _one_ episode in season one that they could think of that they wanted me to do? Or was it just a case of not even reading the author's note at the end? Then again, not many people even read the last chapter... Oh well! Those who didn't don't know what they're missing. Sucks to be them! Anyway, since no one else had anything to offer, I decided to go with episode 9 for this chapter. Hope this turns out well. But now... TO THE REVIEWS! All one of them...

* * *

MisunNashoba: Y U NO STAY KOLTO1234? ME NO GUSTA NAMECHANGE! Wait, fuck, I must've been on the internet looking at memes for too long! I'm beginning to _sound_ like them! ...No? Not funny? Okay, sorry about that... Anyway, good eye! Not only did you figure out the secret message (yes, there was one, all of you who didn't bother looking), but you also spotted something my beta didn't!

* * *

Otaku: This isn't going to go well...

Me: Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence. It either turns out well or it doesn't. either way, I don't have much of a choice. Can't exactly write a MLP fic like this one and only include the finales. You have to include _some_ of the episodes.

0-Blazing Sun-0: (crickets chirping)

Me: Oh yeah... He's at some family gathering, so no editing done by him this time. All me.

ON TO THE STORY!

* * *

After we got back, I did what anyone who was completely exhausted would do: I ignored every single pony who tried to talk to me and went straight to my house, and fell face-first into my bed.

Waking up the next morning was a fun experience though. I mean, who _doesn't _love waking up to be completely sore, battered, and bruised. I mentally kicked myself for not getting one of the ponies to do a healing spell on me. In fact... Wait a fucking minute, shouldn't I have a few broken ribs?!

'Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it... Fuck, I'm thinking about it! How is it possible i don't have a single broken bone after all of that? That Demon fucking _kicked_ me, and all I have is a giant...'

My train of thought comes to a halt as I notice something _else_ strange. My laptop is gone. Exactly where it was sitting is a completely different laptop, one obviously much newer. And definitely not cartoony... Which means it's from my world somehow. Curious, I stand up and walk over to where it sits on my desk, the soreness momentarily forgotten. Next to the new laptop, I see a white box, with G2 written on top of it.

I open the box, and inside i find a cell phone, a charger to go with it, and an instruction manual. The last of those items quickly finds its way to the trash, because everyone knows guys don't read them. Me, especially, when it comes to electronics. I usually figure out how they work by using them.

I hold the power button on the back of the phone to turn it on, and see the LG logo appear on the screen, followed by that of Verizon. Shortly afterward, i encounter my first problem. It's locked, with one of the pattern locks I've seen on other people's phones in the past. Strangely enough, just above the pattern, it says, "Joseph's Phone"

Doubtful that it will even work, i draw a random pattern with my thumb using all 9 dots, and miraculously, the phone unlocks, showing me the home screen. I swipe left a time or two, and am surprised to see that there are already a good number of apps on the phone.

Not bothering to question it's sudden appearance, or that of the laptop, I power the phone down and slide it into my pocket.

And that's when the soreness decides to rear its ugly head. Wincing, I start on my way over to Otaku's house, though I'm not really sure why.

* * *

Luckily enough, the soreness fades along the way, to the point that it's practically non existent by the time I reach my destination. Of course, even if it hadn't been, the peculiarity of the situation before me would have thrown it from my mind.

Otaku is dragging a door with a thick metal frame behind him with his magic, clearly struggling to even do that.

"A little heavy for you, Otaku?"

Groaning loudly and rolling his eyes, the pale red unicorn replies, "No, it's as light as a fucking feather. That's why I'm _dragging_ it."

I watch him for a moment as he continues to drag the strange door behind him, then decide to at least try and help him. I walk up to the opposite end of the door from him, the end dragging along the ground, and attempt to lift it up. Instantly, a tingly feeling spreads over my arms, causing me to drop the door in surprise.

"That happens when you directly touch the magic aura around an object a unicorn is manipulating. But next time, if you're going to try to lift it, give me a warning before you just drop it."

Steeling myself, I nod and attempt to lift it again, this time prepared for the tingle. Much to my surprise, despite Otaku's obvious difficulty lifting it, it doesn't seem especially heavy to me. Very heavy, yes, but not to the point where I can't carry it.

And then I remember that Otaku is still holding it with his magic, so that means, at most, I'm only actually getting half of the door's true weight...

* * *

A minute or two later we set the door upright against the wall of Otaku's house, and it comes to mind that i have absolutely no clue what the door is.

"Otaku, why the hell were you even bringing this door here in the first place? And what even _is_ this door? It looks-"

He extends a hoof towards me, in what I'm assuming is a "silence" gesture, so I stop my barrage of questions to let him speak.

"Joseph, it's a portal. A portal to One Piece. For some reason, I can't get rid of the portal, and the next best thing is to keep it somewhere safe, which the Everfree Forest is _not_. And as for it's weight, which I'm sure you had just been going to ask about, well, I didn't worry so much about details like that when I drew it, because I had only planned on it being temporary."

I just stare for a moment, before saying, "Okaaaaaaay... So, now that all that stuff with the Shadowlings is over, what episode should be coming up next?"

"Well, assuming they episodes are in chronological order, which so far they seem to be, episode 9 would be next. Wait a minute... Something's wrong here... You do remember episode 9, right? Bridle Gossip? Zecora coming into town? Well, in the episode it says she comes into town once a month. And she has been, with the exception of the past two months. I wasn't really thinking about it, but she should have been here and she wasn't..."

"So, is that bad?"

"No, it shouldn't be. Not in any major way at least. She should be coming into town any day now, to be honest, and when she does the episode will play out just like it's supposed to."

* * *

Two days later, I wake up after a long night of gaming on my new laptop. Turns out several games were already downloaded onto it, such as all three Five Nights at Freddy's games, Minecraft, and Slender – The Eight Pages. Just take a guess which I played the most out of them.

Anyway, I hop up out of my bed, eat breakfast, go to take a shower, and do all that morning stuff, before heading outside to see that it's a beautiful day. Only there's one problem: I don't even see one pony out to enjoy it. Which means... EPISODE 9!

I had actually watched the episode again after i left Otaku's the other day, to have an idea of what kind of bullshit I would be dealing with. Let's be honest, a lot of the episodes are complete bullshit. Enjoyable, worth watching, but you still catch yourself saying, "God fucking dammit..." Mostly referring to Pinkie of course, but that's besides the point.

Thanks to watching the episode again, I knew exactly what I would be doing: going with them and jumping right into the Poison Joke, just to see what it would do to me. Come on, who wouldn't?

Oh, right! I need to get to Sugarcube Corner!

* * *

Along the way, I see Twilight, and it turns out I caught her just as the episode began.

"Wow, what a gorgeous day."

"Rainbow Dash must've gotten up early for once and cleared all the clouds away."

"I bet all of Ponyville is going to be out enjoying the sunshine...

"What? Where is everypony?"

I take that as my queue, and walk towards them saying, "Not sure, but I hope it doesn't affect business too much."

Surprised, Twilight turns to me and says, "Oh, hi, Joseph. So you haven't seen anypony either?"

"Not since yesterday."

Then Spike asks, "Is it some sort of pony holiday?"

Twilight's replies with, "Not that I know of."

Of course, with how ridiculous the idea is, I have to shoot it down, saying, "Who celebrates a holiday by disappearing?"

The dragon's next suggestion is even less reasonable.

"Does my breath stink?"

"Not any more than usual."

Rolling my eyes, I reply, "Oh, it stinks all right. But I couldn't even smell it until I got within 3 feet of you. How could it have scared off everypony in town?"

And then he just goes completely overboard.

"Is it... _zombies?!"_

"Uh, not very likely."

"Not likely, but possible?"

Now, given some of the fanfictions I've read, I can't completely discount that one, so I merely say, "Not during the day, I can guarantee that much."

At this point, we reach Sugarcube Corner, and hear Pinkie's loud whisper.

"Psst! Twilight! Spike! Joseph! Come here! Come! Here! _Hurry!_ Before she gets you!"

Of course, I make the mistake of hesitating, and when Twilight jumps through the door, it closes in my face.

Inside, I hear Spike say, "Who? The zombie pony?"

Pinkie's immediate response is to freak out._"Zombie pony?!"_

Then I hear Twilight saying, "Spike, there are _no_ zombie ponies."

Rather than wait and miss my chance, I open then door and quickly slide in, shutting it back behind me before saying, "As far as you know, there aren't."

With the flashlight pointed at her, I can see her roll her eyes, and then she looks back to Pinkie and asks, "Pinkie, what are you doing here alone in the dark?"

"I'm not alone in the dark."

At that, somepony opens a curtain to let in a bit of light, revealing the rest of the Mane Six, with the addition of Applebloom, and Twilight lets out a small gasp of surprise.

"Okay then, what are you _all_ doing here in the dark?"

Applejack walks up to the window before replying, "We're hidin' from _her_."

She pulls the curtain open a bit more, allowing us to see Zecora out there, digging at the ground. Then all of a sudden, she glances our way, and I have to admit, the glowing eyes under the hood startled me a bit. Seeing it in person is completely different from just watching the show...

Then little Applebloom hops up and rests her front legs on Spike's head – strangely enough he doesn't say a word, only lets out a small grunt – and asks, "Didja see her Twilight? Didja see... _Zecora_?"

Of course, Applejack jumps in, saying, "Applebloom! Ah told you never to say that name!"

Ignoring Applejack's little outburst, Twilight responds, "Well, I saw her glance this way-"

At that moment Pinkie slides in from seemingly nowhere, and says, "Glance _eeeeevilly_ this way."

Twilight pushes Pinkie back a bit with one hoof and continues, "And then a bunch of you flip out for no good reason."

Applejack's response to that is, "No good reason? You call protectin' yer kin no good reason? Why, as soon as ma sister saw Zecora ridin' into town, she started shakin' in her little horseshoes."

I roll my eyes at that one, mainly because from what I know of them, it was more likely the other way around.

As Applejack is shaking her, Applebloom complains, _"Diiiiiiid nooooooot"_

"So Ah swept 'er up and brought 'er here."

Again, Applebloom has a complaint with her sister's story, saying, "Ah walked here ma self."

"For safety"

"_Applejack_, Ah'm not a _baby_, Ah can take care of ma self."

"Not from that creepy Zecora."

That's when the others decide to jump in, starting with Fluttershy.

"She's mysterious."

Rainbow follows with, "Sinister."

Pinkie makes up the rear, saying, "And _spooooooooooky_."

Twilight looks up to the ceiling for a moment, then turns back to the window. Unfortunately, the others decide to crowd the window, earning a short lived glare from her.

Back out the window, we see Zecora take off her hood, revealing her striped "mohawk". All of the ponies, excluding Twilight, let out a loud gasp.

"Will you cut that out?"

Ignoring the question, Rarity says, "Just look at those stripes. So garish."

Turning to Rarity, Twilight states, "She's a _zebra_."

The other ponies collectively respond, "A _what_?"

"A zebra. And her stripes aren't a fashion choice, Rarity, they're what she was _born_ with."

No doubt imagining how horrid the stripes would be in the fashion world, Rarity promptly faints.

Applejack, however, asks, "Born _where_? I've never seen a pony like that 'round these parts. 'Cept _her_."

"Well, she's probably not from here. And she's not a pony. My books say that zebras come from a far away land. But I've never seen her in Ponyville. Where does she live?"

"That's just it. She lives in the... _Everfree Forest!_"

With perfect timing for dramatic effect, we hear a clang like thunder, and the ground shakes underneath us. Knowing the source, I turn to the kitchen, and Spike says, "Uh, sorry."

Ignoring him, Applejack begins to say, "The Everfree-"

However, I butt in, yelling, "NO! We aren't going to just ignore that. He knocked down a pan and a bowl. How the fuck does knocking down a pan and a bowl make a noise like that, let alone make the fucking ground shake like it did! Explain that shit, Twilight!"

Unfortunately, the look on her face makes it obvious she has no clue, and she merely responds, "Uh..."

I facepalm, saying, "Nevermind. If you can't explain it, nothing can. Continue with what you were saying, Applejack."

The pony in question gives me a look for a few seconds, then continues, "The Everfree Forest just ain't natural. The plants grow."

Fluttershy follows with, "The animals care for _themselves_."

And of course, Rainbow jumps in as well, saying, "And the clouds move..."

Then all three speak in unison, _"All on their own!"_

Rarity faints again, and Twilight just gives them a look.

Before Pinkie has a chance to jump in, I say, "Sounds like where I'm from. Stuff like that is _normal_ there. And also, if none of you have ever so much as walked up to her, how do you even know her name?"

Of course, this time I'm ignored, and Pinkie comes out with, "AndthatwickedenchantressZecoralivestheredoingherevil... stuff! Why, she's so evil I even wrote a song about her!"

I look to Rainbow, to see that she's just as excited for the song as I am. Which is to say, not at all.

"Here we go..."

* * *

_"She's an evil enchantress,_

_she does evil dances,_

_and if you look deep in her eye,_

_she'll put you in trances._

_Then what will she do,_

_she'll mix up an evil brew,_

_then she'll gobble you up,_

_in a big tasty stew!_

_Sooo..._

_WATCH OUT!"_

* * *

After that, we all just stare at Pinkie, and Twilight sarcastically comments, "Wow, catchy."

The sarcasm is lost on Pinkie, however, and she responds, "It's a work in progress."

Rolling her eyes, Twilight says, "This is just a lot of gossip and rumors. What have you actually seen Zecora _do_?"

Rainbow gets a thoughtful look on her face for a moment, then replies, "Well... Once a month, she comes into Ponyville."

_"Ooooooh!"_

Rarity chimes in, saying, "Then, she lurks by the stores."

_"Oh my!"_

Fluttershy's next, saying, "And then, she digs at the ground."

_"Good gracious!_ Okay, I'm sorry, but how is any of this _bad_? Maybe she comes to town to visit?"

Applebloom helps, saying, "Yeah, maybe she's just being neighborly."

"And maybe she's not lurking by the stores, but going to them, lurk free, to do some shopping?"

"Yeah! Everypony likes to shop! Ya know what Ah think?"

Unfortunately, we never get to hear what Applebloom thinks, as Applejack jumps in, yelling, "Applebloom! Hush and let the big ponies talk!"

The little filly walks off, muttering to herself, "Ah _am_ a big pony."

Rainbow, however, is not satisfied with Twilight's suggestions, and says, "What about digging at the ground? You've got to admit _that's _weird."

Fluttershy's imagination takes a step too far, and she suggests, "Maybe she's digging for innocent creatures."

That one I shoot down instantly, saying, "Like what? Worms? Bugs? Couldn't be anything larger than that or you would be able to see it from here."

Twilight ignores us, and says to Applejack, I'm sure there's an explanation for everything Zecora does, and if _anypony_ here were _brave_ enough to approach her, she would find out the truth."

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Applebloom open the door and walk out, and decide to follow, slipping out while everypony else is caught up in their own arguments.

The little filly stops to peek around a corner, and suddenly jumps back behind it, to see me right behind her.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to stop you, I'm coming with you. Now come on, let's go, before they notice you're gone."

She lets out a small sigh of relief, then peeks back around the corner before moving over to a nearby cart and then behind a house. We see Zecora dig at the ground a little more before taking one last look behind her and making her way out of Ponyville. We follow, Applebloom being unnecessarily stealthy about it.

* * *

Before long, we reach the Everfree Forest, and I whisper, "If you're going to turn back, now's the time to do it."

The little filly looks at me for a second, then rears back onto her hind legs and charges forward into the forest. Expecting it, I follow, but before long we hear Applejack yell out, "Applebloom! You get back here right now!"

Zecora turns back to us, saying, "Beware! Beware, you pony folk! Those leaves of blue are not a joke!"

Not taking the warning for what it is, Applejack rushes over and scoops Applebloom up onto her head, "Y-You keep your creepy mumbo-jumbo to yourself, you hear?!"

Just before she's swallowed up by the fog, Zecora warns us one last time, "Beware! Beware!"

Rainbow, failing to come up with a proper comeback, merely yells, "Yeah! Back at ya, Zecora! You and your lame curse are the ones who better beware!"

After that, I tune them out, throwing myself around in the Poison Joke, and almost don't notice when all of them but Twilight walk off.

* * *

The next morning, I don't necessarily _feel_ different, and I don't notice anything plainly obvious, so I just shrug it off, thinking that maybe, just maybe, the Poison Joke doesn't work on humans.

So, I start go about my normal morning routine, and eat breakfast. After that, i go to take a shower, but when I take off my pants, what i see causes me to let out an extremely loud, high pitched scream.


	17. Chapter 17

"AAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!"

Not even stopping to think about it, I pull up my pants and rush over to the mirror, only to confirm it. The Poison Joke turned me into a… _girl…_

I just stand there, turning this way and that, as if looking from a different angle would change me back. After a while, I calm down enough to actually think a bit. Of course, the first thing that comes to mind is how the fuck I didn't notice sooner.

To that, the answer is obvious. I may be a… _girl…_ now, but there definitely aren't any curves going on anywhere, and that's the most I'm going to say on the matter.

The next thing I consider is what to wear. Yes, that might sound like an effect of the change, but in actuality I just don't want to be seen like this. Then I remember that I recently had Rarity make me an awesome cloak, one with sleeves that was also laced up from the neck to the waist. As you would expect from a cloak, it extended down to my ankles, but just below the waist it parted in the back.

I could just put that on over what I was already wearing, and throw on the hood as well. In fact, I'm going to do that now.

After putting on the cloak, I had rushed over to Twilight's, not giving a fucking fuck about the ponies around me. In hindsight, I probably came off as a dick, since I think I heard some of them say hi, but that is _not_ the issue right now.

* * *

Anyway, right now I'm just watching Twilight hastily reading pretty much every book in her library, looking for some logical answer as to why her horn is all floppy now. She hasn't even noticed me sitting over in the corner yet.

"No no no no no! None of these books have a cure! Ugh! There has to be a real reason for this. An illness? An allergy?"

Of course, Spike jumps in right and that moment, saying, "A curse!"

Twilight gives him a look, before replying, "I said a real reason. Something that points to something _real._"

"How about this one?"

"Supernaturals? Spike, the word supernatural refers to things like ghosts and spirits and zombies, which are as make believe as curses. This book is just a bunch of hooey!"

"But what if you're wrong Twilight? What if this really is-"

All of a sudden Pinkie appears in the room – I seriously didn't even see her walk in, and I was facing the door – and says _something._

Spike, of course, mishears her, and asks, "A purse? How could it be a purse?"

Twilight, however, notices her swollen, spotted tongue, and says. "Pinkie! What happened?!"

As is to be expected, her response is impossible to understand, and comes with a shower of saliva.

"Say it, don't spray it, Pinkie"

All of a sudden there's a crash at the window, followed by Rainbow saying, "Ow."

And then another crash.

And another…

"She's -"

"Trying to say – ow-"

"Zecora – oof-"

"She zapped us all with a-"

"Curse!"

Then Rarity's voice comes out from behind us. "I'm afraid I _have_ to agree."

Twilight and Spike understandably freak out at seeing Rarity with… are they called dreadlocks?

And then a somewhat quiet, high pitched voice says, _"Ah hate to say Ah told ya so, Twilight, but Ah told ya so!"_

Spike and Twilight both gasp at seeing the miniature Applejack, again understandable.

"_It's a curse Ah tells ya!"_

Twilight, trying to find literally anything to use as evidence against that, says, "But Fluttershy and Joseph seem fine."

Oh shit. She _finally_ noticed me, and at the worst possible moment.

Rarity's responds, "Oh, yes, there doesn't seem to be a _thing _wrong with either of them."

"Actually, Twilight, there's a reason I'm wearing this cloak..."

She gets a confused look on her face from hearing my voice at this higher pitch, and I let out a sigh as I pull off the cloak to reveal myself.

Of course, thanks to the amulets, she knows what a female human looks like, and almost immediately figures it out.

"Yeah. I got turned into a girl. So, what about you, Fluttershy?"

Now that the attention has been turned to her, Twilight asks, "Fluttershy? Are you okay?"

The pony in question refuses to answer, and lowers her head.

"Is there something wrong with you?"

This time she nods, but still no verbal response.

"Would you care to tell us?"

Her response this time is to wince, but again not a sound.

"So, you're not going to tell us?"

A nod, nothing more.

"Yes you're not, or yes you will?"

Applejack runs across the table, tired of the back and forth, and asks, _"Good gravy, girl, what's wrong with you?"_

Fluttershy finally responds, in the deepest voice I've ever heard, **"I don't want to talk about it."**

Spike burst out laughing, earning a glare from Twilight, before yelling out, "This is hilarious! Look at all of you! We've got _Hairity_, _Rainbow Crash_, _Spitty Pie_, _Appleteeny_, _Flutterguy_, and… Eh, I got nothin… Twilight Sparkle. I mean, seriously, I can't even work with that. Oh! I almost forgot-"

I throw him the fiercest glare imaginable, and say, "Don't you _fucking_ dare. I will beat the shit out of you, you purple little (INSERT INSULT SUITABLE FOR BABY DRAGON HERE)

Rainbow begins struggling to free herself from a ladder she had _somehow _gotten herself stuck in, and upon freeing herself says, "I think we'll find the cure for this curse at Zecora's place!"

Of course, Twilight jumps in, yelling, "It's not a curse!"

Rainbow doesn't get a chance to say anything else, her wings betraying her and sending her crashing into various objects around the library. Applejack, however, pipes up, saying, _"Ah agree with Dash! We'll go to Zecora's and force her to remove this hex!"_

"It's not a hex either!"

At that, they all break out into a massive argument, but I pull Rainbow aside and say to her, "Listen, Rainbow, I know you love to fly, but you don't exactly seem to be able to do that right now. Maybe try walking until this all gets fixed?"

She nods, and I truly hope she takes my advice, because I'm going to be following Applebloom again, albeit without letting her know this time.

Speaking of which… I turn around just in time to see the filly walking out the door, again, and count to 30 before slipping out after her.

* * *

I nearly lost track of her twice, staying as far back as I did, but now I'm hiding behind a bush, watching her drop Applejack onto a tree branch over a cliff – well, more like a two foot drop. I wait a few moments, long enough for Applebloom to disappear into the trees surrounding us, then walk up to the "cliff".

"Applejack, she's not coming back for you. Luckily, I'm here, so no worries."

I reach out and pick her up off the branch, setting her on my shoulder as I try to trace Applebloom's steps, seeing as I have absolutely no fucking clue where Zecora's house is.

Needless to say, I got lost. I'm no tracker, I'm a _gamer_. As luck would have it, however, I… eventually… end up bumping into Twilight and the others. Quite literally, I might add.

* * *

Another five minutes, and Zecora's hut came into view. Like the Golden Oaks Library, it was a tree that had been somehow hollowed out to use as a house. Also like the library, despite being hollowed out, the tree itself was still alive. You know, because fuck logic.

Anyway, I saw them walking up to the window to peek through into Zecora's hut, but I wasn't going to have any of that.

"Girls, come on. Let's just go in and talk to her."

Not waiting to hear their protests, I walk up and knock on the door. After a few moments, the zebra opens up the door.

"Hello, Zecora. Don't ask any questions yet, just listen. The ponies who came here with me believe that they, along with myself, have been cursed, by _you_. I, however, don't believe that for a second. So, if you wouldn't mind, could you explain what really must have happened?"

At that moment Applebloom walked in through the back door of Zecora's hut, saying, "Zecora, I think I found all the things you asked for."

Turning to the ponies behind me, I say, "And look, there goes Applebloom. She seems to be fine to me."

Zecora took a look at each of us in turn, before saying, "If you will remember back, the words I spoke were quite exact."

* * *

"_Beware, beware, you folk,_

_those leaves of blue are not a joke."_

* * *

"It was a warnin', about that blue plant. It's called Poison Joke."

"That plant is much like poison oak, but its results are just a joke."

Appleteeny popped up out of my hair – when the hell did she even get on my head? - before asking, _"What in the hay does that mean?"_

"It means this plant does not wreak wrath, instead, this plant just wants a laugh."

"_Will somepony please talk normal?"_

Twilight stepped forward, saying, "I think what she's saying is that when we ran in to save Applebloom, we ran into the Poison Joke. All our problems are just little jokes it played on us."

"_LITTLE jokes?! Very funny..."_

Not wanting to wait any longer, I just ask, "Zecora, if you don't mind, could you help us with finding a cure? Given that you live here in the Everfree Forest, and you know all about the plant, you must know the cure, correct?"

The zebra in question nods, saying, "It's true I know of a cure, but there's one more ingredient I must procure."

* * *

A/N: You should be able to work out pretty easily how it went from there, I don't need to write out every detail for you, do I? Anyway, a quick rundown of some things you might have been curious about, and a few things I need to mention:

No, not all of the episodes will be two chapters long, but the ones that are, or perhaps even longer, won't have a single author's note interrupting them. The author's notes will only be found at the beginning of the first chapter and the end of the last chapter, for that one episode.

I forgot to write it in sooner, and as a consequence of that I can't write it in at all, because it would just be awkward to, but Brush Stroke and Mr. Monkey are the same person. Well, almost… You see, Mr. Monkey was just his personality shoved into a monkey's body, without any of the memories. Brush Stroke showed up the same way Otaku did, by drawing himself as a pony. However, he didn't end up with two separate bodies in two separate worlds, he disappeared from Earth and showed up in Equestria. I'll give more detail on that later on, maybe as a short side-story chapter if I hit extreme writer's block on one of the future episodes.

Now, as the last thing before I move to the reviews, I need you all to decide on four more episodes, after episode nine, but still from season one, that you would like me to write up a chapter for. This is your last chance as far as season one is concerned. If no one suggests any episodes, I will pick all of them up until… the finale. NO SPOILERS FOR YOOOOOOOOO!

NOW THE REVIEWS!

baby: In order… Good to see you're still reading, you would have found out eventually, I'll post a chapter whenever I want to, and nothing is impossible in a fanfiction.

makeitpop: I appreciate that you did leave a review then. Don't worry, no one, and I mean, NO ONE (*gives readers a menacing glare*) is going to judge you for your reviews. Unless you start spewing flames and pony hate. You're on your own then. Also, as far as chapter length… no promises. Some will be surprisingly long, and I'll wonder how I wrote that much, and some will just be the standard 1-2k words.

mexicanman302: Must… resist… Can't… make… racist joke… But no, seriously, thanks for the review, and I'm glad you like it. Maybe you'll like it even more if you read the whole thing.

I'M SORRY FLUTTERSHY!


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Hello! I've decided on the episodes I'm going to include from season one, and here they are, in order: 12, 16, 19, 24. Another thing I recently noticed is that chapters 8 and 10 are exactly the same, so I'm going to remedy that (by the time you read this I'll probably already have it fixed). I'm also going to thank makeitpop and baby… I suppose I have to thank my sister too… for suggesting the episodes they did. I actually had to do a coin toss to decide between a few, but I'm sticking with the decisions I've made. Anyway-

Rainbow: Wait a minute. You mean the chapter where I show up as a human is missing? That was my favorite part!

Me: Yeah… I'm surprised no one _else_ noticed that. It would've been a big help if someone had told me a month or two ago about that. Anyway, summing it up for those who got to this point and didn't see it, Rainbow showed up at my house, sitting on top of me when I woke up, looking like her Equestria Girls version (and yes, she had the clothes too. Not taking any chances there, you pervs). Since she was a human and therefore had hands, we decided to go play some Black Ops, seeing as she _is_ an apparent natural. Now, this is where the problem came up. I fucked my timeline here. I had Scootaloo show up and take me over to the clubhouse, which not only should she never have seen at this point, but she shouldn't have even met Applebloom yet. So in actuality, it's a blessing that the chapter disappeared before someone _else_ saw that little fuck up. In fact… there's someone who should have seen it a long time ago…

0-Blazing Sun-0: *crickets chirping*

Me: Of course...

Otaku: We've already passed the 300 word mark, and we haven't even got to the actual chapter yet! Are you stalling, or just trying to bump the word count up as high as you can?

Me: Who knows? But you're right, we _do _need to move… ON TO THE STORY!

* * *

Here I was, popping out of bed, prepared for yet another boring day in Equestria. Yes, I said boring. Honestly, once you realize how spread out the episodes are, you realize that there isn't really all that much to do in Equestria. Sure, I had my job at Sugarcube Corner, my monster spawner in the attic, my Xbox, my phone, my laptop, and the vast expanses of the internet, but once those things started to become a routine, I found less and less entertainment in them.

Anyway, guess I better sum up what all happened since episode 9. It was another week before episode 10 after that. I'll admit, the Parasprites _were_ cute, but it wasn't worth the destruction they did to the town. Or rather, the destruction they _would _have done. I was a little late on finding out about them, but that next morning when there were hundreds upon hundreds going around the town, I stopped Twilight from casting her spell on them and lured them away with music from my phone. Alright, so I cheated, but I saved Ponyville from destruction. After, I explained the situation to Twilight, pretending that we had Parasprites back on Earth, and that's why I knew what to do. I also told her that Pinkie must have been trying to do the same thing, and then I practically flat out told her the friendship lesson for the episode.

It took a few _months_ to get around to episode 11 after that, and just my luck, I actually slept through most of it. Yep. I had stayed up late the night before goofing around on my computer, reading fanfictions, and doing other such things, and accidentally fell asleep shortly after the sun came up. By the time I woke up, the sun had already gone down again! I ran out and managed to do _some_ work, but I just couldn't help but feel bad about having slept while everypony was busy doing their best to clean up winter.

A month had passed since then. An uneventful, boring month. And with the episode that's coming up, I really don't see myself having much involvement in it, if any. Still, in anticipation of it, even if only to make sure it doesn't come to pass without me knowing, I had made an agreement with the Cakes that I would only work every other day, for the purpose of helping in the schoolhouse on those days I had off.

It was just something I did for the sake of doing it. Originally it had only been to keep an eye on Applebloom and make sure I knew when episode 12 would come to pass, but it didn't take long to discover that I really did enjoy helping the young fillies and colts to learn, and teaching them what little I could when Cherilee would ask it of me.

In fact… Now that I think about it, today is one of my off days! I hurriedly sit up, grabbing my phone and turning it on to check the time. 8:23. Good, I've still got plenty of time. One of the great things about Ponyville is that school doesn't start until about 9:30, which gives me a whole hour to get ready before I head over there.

* * *

As I walk through town on my way to the schoolhouse, I think for a while about the upcoming episode. Almost all of the colts and fillies had their cutie marks already, and Diamond Tiara had already gotten hers last time, so the episode would probably start sometime this week. I start to play the episode over in my head (despite my bad memory, with how many times I've seen it by now I can't help but remember most of what happens), wondering just what exactly-

My train of thought is interrupted by the school bell ringing. Why, I must have gotten so lost in thought I stopped walking, and now I'm going to be late!

* * *

I run though the door to see that Cherilee has already started her lesson on… cutie marks?! The episode is starting right now?! Okay, calm down Joseph, you already knew it was going to happen sometime soon, why are you so surprised it's happening now?

"Oh, hello, Joseph. I almost thought you weren't going to show up today. Now, where was I? Ah, yes. Like all ponies, I wasn't born with a cutie mark. My flank, was blank."

One of the fillies… Twist, I think her name was, says, "Aw, the's tho prethoius."

"Then, one day, when I was about your age, I woke up, to find that a cutie mark had appeared!"

Diamond Tiara comments this time, saying, "Look at her _hair._"

At that, the entire class burst out into laughter.

"Yes, I know, but honestly, that's how everypony was wearing their mane back then. I had decided to become a teacher, and the flowers symbolized my hope that my future students would bloom if I nurtured them with knowledge. The smiles represented the cheer I hoped to bring to my little ponies while they were learning. Joseph, since your here today, can you tell us about _your _cutie mark?"

Wat.

"Oh, uh, I would love to. There's just one tiny little problem with that. I don't exactly _have _one..."

Everypony in the room gasps as soon as the words leave my mouth, and Applebloom immediately asks, "Wait, aren't ya all grown up? How can ya not have yer cutie mark?"

"Actually, I'm _not_ all grown up yet, but that doesn't really matter. Where I'm from, no one _ever_ gets a cutie mark. It just doesn't happen. If someone has a special talent, it's up to them to notice it for themselves. Humans don't get cutie marks like ponies do."

"Well, that was certainly unexpected, but thank you for telling us that. Now, can anyone tell me when a pony gets his or her cutie mark?"

Twist waves a forehoof almost frantically in the air, saying, "Oh! Oh! Oh! When the dithoverth that thertain thomethin that maketh her spethal!"

"That's right, Twist"

I _did _have her name right!

"A cutie mark appears on a pony's flank when he or she finds that certain something that makes them different from every other pony. Discovering what makes you unique isn't something that happens overnight..."

At this point, I stopped listening to what Cherilee was saying, because I noticed Diamond Tiara trying to get Applebloom's attention. I just watch, waiting for my opportunity… Now!

"Diamond Tiara! Are you passing notes?"

The filly turns to look at me, surprised that she was caught. Not wasting a beat, I walk up to her, saying, "Now, whatever it was, I'm sure it can wait till after class." I snatch the 'note' from her and crumple it up, saving Applebloom from what would have been an embarrassing bout of laughter directed at her, courtesy of Diamond Tiara.

* * *

Thinking back to the episode, the 'cutecinera' is sometime this weekend. With today being Friday, hopefully I'll have one more day until the party. Now the only question is what I'm going to _do_ at that party… AHA! IDEA~!

* * *

Today is the day of Diamond Tiara's 'cutecinera' (did I ever mention how stupid that sounds?), and of curse, I'm at Sugarcube Corner helping them cook up sweets for the party. I'm doing the cupcakes, because God forbid Scootaloo's disastrous attempts at baking go out there. Speaking of which, shouldn't she be getting here soon? I did just see Pinkie go outside…

Ah, there they are now! "Ah can't believe Ah didn't think of this! A cupcake eating cutie mark. It's _sooooooo_ obvious. Now, where are those cupcakes?"

Now, here's where I start to play my part in this. "Pinkie, what is she talking about? These cupcakes are for the par-"

Before I have a chance to finish my sentence, Pinkie grabs a tray of cupcakes I only pulled out of the oven a few minutes ago and puts it down right in front of Applebloom. "Here ya go! Make sure you tell Joseph how good they taste!"

Well, at least it's only one tray… "What?! NO, PINKIE, DON'T EAT… those… Now we're out of cupcakes… You better help me make more, you pink sugar vacuum."

"Okie doki loki! Oh hey, you know what Applebloom, you look like you would be good at helping us _make_ some cupcakes!"

"Ah guess a _making_ cupcakes cutie mark could work too..."

Looks like there _won't_ be any edible cupcakes at the party…

* * *

_All you have to do is take a cup of flour,_

_add it to the mix._

_Now just take a little something sweet,_

_not sour._

_A bit of salt,_

_just a pinch._

_Making these treats is such a cinch,_

_add a teaspoon of vanilla._

_Add a little more,_

_and you count to four,_

_and you never get your fill-a!_

_Cupcakes!_

_So sweet and tasty!_

_Cupcakes!_

_Don't be too hasty!_

_Cupcakes!_

_Cupcakes cupcakes cupcakes!_

* * *

"Ooh! Those look much better than the last batch!"

We watch as Pinkie bravely devours one of the 'cupcakes' Applebloom made, but luckily I stop Applebloom just in time.

"Trust me. You don't wanna do that. They _do _look better than the last batch, but they still don't look edible. And I'll bet they taste as bad as they look."

She looks to me and sighs, saying, "Guess I'm not cut out to be a baker either… Oh, Ah just have to face it! Ah'm gonna have a blank flank forever!"

"What about that?"

Oh no…

I quickly walk over to her and brush the spot of flour off before she has a chance to get excited. "Flour. Pinkie, don't get her hopes up like that unless you're sure it's a cutie mark."

To my shock, Pinkie's ears flatten back against her head a bit, and she says, "O-okay… Sorry, Applebloom…"

Fahk. Now I did… _something_ to Pinkie… "Uh, Pinkie, it's okay, you didn't do anything wrong, it was just an honest mistake. I'm sure it could happen to anyone – er, anypony..."

The fuck? Instantly she's back to her normal, perky self, saying, "Okie doki loki!"

"Whoa! What's been going on in here?"

"Applebloom was making cupcakes. Pinkie's idea."

"Yeah! Wanna try one?"

"Uh, no thank you. Not that they don't look… _delicious..._"

Applebloom runs up to Twilight, saying, "Twilight! You have to help me!"

"What's the matter?"

Taking a deep breath, Applebloom says, "Tiara's cutecinera is today and everypony in my class will be there and they all have their cutie marks amd Ah wanna get ma cutie mark but Ah'm no good at selling apples or hang gliding or making cupcakes and Ah wanna go to the party but how can Ah go to the party if Ah don't have ma cutie mark which Joseph says Ah just cant make appear but Ah need it to appear, _RIGHT NOW!_"

"Uh, I don't follow. How can I help you?"

"You can use your magic to make ma cutie mark appear!"

"Oh no, Applebloom. A cutie mark is something a pony has to discover for herself."

"Please, Twilight, just try."

"I'm sorry, but-"

"Oh, please please please pleeeeeeeease-"

"Alright alright!"

"Oh thank you thank you thank you!"

"Yes! Ah knew you could do… it..."

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but I told you-"

"Try again, try again!"

About ten tries later, Applebloom is completely discouraged, and Twilight, looking a little worn out, says, "I told you that not even magic can make a cutie mark appear before it's time."

"It's hopeless. Hopeless! I just-"

That's my queue. "Applebloom, stop."

The filly turns to look at me, asking, "What?"

"Magic might not be able to make your _cutie mark_ appear, and I for sure don't know any way to do it, but what if it just _looks _like a cutie mark? I'm sure I could draw one on for you, if it's really that important. Pinkie, think you could get me a brush and a few colors of… ink…?

What the fuck. I didn't even finish my sentence before she pulled them out from I don't even _want_ to know where. "Okay then… C'mere, Applebloom."

The filly walks over, and I place one hand on her back, saying, "Now, you need to be very still, or I might mess up and then no one will ever believe it's a cutie mark."

It takes some time, but I take the brush and manage to draw a hammer and some nails on both sides of her flank, and they look almost exactly the same. If you didn't know they were drawn on, you would have to pay very close attention to even notice anything wrong with them.

"Now, you need to be careful not to get it wet, otherwise it will just come right off and everyone will find out."

* * *

There's a surprising number of differences between the party happening right now and the show, the most obvious of which being the absence of Berry Punch and Applebloom not hiding from everypony. The only thing for me to do now is keep a close eye on her and 'accidentally' trip and spill my drink on her while she's talking to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, showing that the cutie mark is a fake, and causing her to get laughed at. After that, it should just continue as it did in the episode, and all good...

* * *

A/N: Well, that's done. Once the ideas started flowing, this was a really easy chapter, to be honest. Anyway, not much else to say besides this: If you liked it, PUNCH that review button, in the face, LIKE A BOSS! (Oh, and be sure to type something before you do, otherwise, you'll just feel like an idiot.) I'M SORRY FLUTTERSHY!


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Sorry guys, this chapter isn't an episode. However, that just means I can actually be creative with it. Going in to this, no promises about length, but hey, who cares. This chapter is placed a week or two after episode 12, just so there's no confusion. I think it's time for some actual interaction with some of the ponies, outside of the episodes. I honestly have no clue what I'm about to write, I'm just making it up as I go, so I hope this doesn't turn out to be crap. Now, the reviews!

baby: Sorry, it was only one chapter. I've already said this, some will be one chapter, some more than one. No promises as to which ones will be what.

Otaku: Random filler, huh? I'm not surprised…

Me: Oh, shut up. I don't write random filler that often. Tell 'im, 0-Blazing Sun-0 chan!

0-Blazing Sun-0: (crickets chirping)

Me: Oh yeah… He has some thing going on with his family right now, so no editing from him on this chapter! I talk to him almost every day though, so I know he's doing fine, I just didn't want to ask him to edit this chapter when he can't even write a chapter for his own story. Anyway, before this gets depressing... ON TO THE STORY!

* * *

You know what, I'm done. I'm getting bored of doing the same thing every day. Time to do something different. The question is, what? What am I going to do differently?

Well, it _has _been a good while since I did any actual socializing. I think I'll start with… Well, I practically never talk to Rarity. And I could use a more formal outfit for future use. Yeah, I'll just stop by the Boutique for a while.

* * *

I knock on the door and walk in, and almost immediately hear Rarity say, "I'll be with you in a moment, dear, just doing a few finishing touches."

I take a seat and wait for her to come down. After only a few minutes, she walks into the room, saying, "Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everything is- Oh, Joseph, it's you. I must say, it _is _a bit of a surprise seeing you here. Why, you hardly ever leave your house anymore unless it's to go to Sugarcube Corner or the schoolhouse. But no matter. Is there something I can help you with?"

"Well, I don't exactly have any formal clothing, and I would just like to have some just in case, you know?"

"Of course, darling. Is there anything you have in mind?"

With a slight smirk, I reply, "Well, it _would_ be rather silly of me to come ask you to make some clothes for me without having any idea what I want, now wouldn't it? I was thinking you could just make a more formal version of the cloak you made me before. Something that looks nice but is comfortable. Preferably with red, gold, and black somewhere on it, but you're the fashion expert, not me.

"_Just _the cloak? Are you sure? I mean, if it happens to be hot, you'll need an outfit under it as well, so that you can take off the cloak, won't you?"

"Well, that _does _make sense. Besides, you're the one making it, I'm sure it will turn out fine. Do whatever you think is best."

"Alright then. Come along, darling. I need to take your measurements again, to make sure I get this just right."

* * *

I spent a good hour, possibly longer, just talking with Rarity in the Boutique. It was a little surprising, actually, since neither of us expected to be able to talk about much, seeing as our particular interests didn't match in the slightest.

Anyway, just as I was walking out, I happen to spot Lyra and Bon Bon, both of whom I've run into here and there, often together, though I can't say I know either of them well yet.

"Oh, HAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIII, Lyra, Bon Bon!"

Bon Bon responds first, saying, "Uh, hello, Joseph. We weren't expecting to run into you here."

The two are walking side by side, and suddenly I get a strange urge to let Bon Bon, er, Sweetie Drops, know that I know. Yeah, I watched the 100th episode the other day, and I absolutely loved it. Wait a minute, I think I see a way to do this…

"Oh, Bon Bon, looks like something fell out of your saddlebag there. I'll get it for you."

Not giving her a chance to turn and see the lack of anything besides the ground, I quickly lean over and make as if to grab something and put it back in her bag, making use of this brief moment beside her ear to whisper, "Having a good day so far, secret agent?"

As I get up, I say, "Well, you two are obviously on your way somewhere, so don't let me stop you. I was actually about to head somewhere myself, before I saw you two, so I suppose I should get going as well."

With that, I walk away before either of them, specifically Bon Bon, has a chance to say a word, and start on my way to the library.

* * *

As I raise my hand to knock on the door, I remember, too late, Spike's habit of opening the door just as someone happens to be on the other side of it. As a result, I get a face full of door, and fall flat of my ass.

"Fucking hell… You really need to see about getting a window for that door, so that this doesn't happen anymore. Think you could go get Twilight for me? I would like to talk to her."

The little dragon goes back inside, and I stand up and walk in. I don't wait long, as Twilight comes down the stairs maybe a minute later.

"Hello, Joseph. Come to ask for something Art Magic can't do again?"

I wince, because that's normally the only reason I ever visit the library, and to top it off, that's why I'm here now.

"Yeah… A magic ring. I _am _right to assume that gemstones like rubies and emeralds can be used to store magic, aren't I?"

Twilight gets a thoughtful look on her face, and says, "Well, Starswirl the Bearded did have several studies regarding that subject… Though admittedly nopony has ever tried to do it in recent times, so I'm not really sure. Ooh, if they can though, my name would be in the history books for discovering it! I need to talk to Rarity!"

"Whoa, whoa, hold your… er, wait a minute, Twilight. You didn't even give me a chance to tell you what I was asking for. And besides, that isn't the _only _reason I came over. Sure, we're friends, but do me and you ever actually _do_ anything together?"

(A/N: Minds out of the gutter you pervs)

"Oh, all right. Is there anything you have in mind?"

A wicked smile appears on my face, and I say, "Well, I was thinking you could come over to my place, play some of my human videogames. Believe me when I say anything you might have in Equestria is nothing like what we have back on Earth. Of course, while we're going over there, I'm going to have to explain what animatronics are..."

* * *

I swear, sometimes I'm evil. I just have small moments of pure evil. And this is one of them…

"So, the game you're going to be playing today is called Five Nights at Freddy's. You're going to be the first pony to ever play the game. It's just going to be the first game in the series, because it's without a doubt the easiest."

I took a minute to show her how to play, giving her a few tips, such as, "Check this camera here pretty often, otherwise the guy hiding behind the curtain there will come and get you." I had made the point that this was a game intended to scare the player already, so I exit the game and reboot it, starting the night fresh so she won't miss any of what the Phone Guy has to say, and take a seat beside her.

And it turns out she's a natural. Once the animatronics start moving, already after 3:00 A.M., she quickly cycles through the cameras to check on them, taking a few moments longer if one of them happened to move on her. Then something she hadn't been prepared for happens: the camera goes out on her, leaving her clueless as to what to do.

"Uh, Joseph, what am I supposed to do now? I can't see anything!"

"Put down the camera and wait a little bit. When you pull it up again, it'll be working just fine."

Just like I said, when she pulls up the camera a few moments later, it's working, and she quickly cycles through all the cameras to locate the animatronics. Foxy's poking his head out from the curtain, Bonnie's hanging out in the supply closet, Freddy is still on stage, obviously, and Chica is… nowhere to be found… shit.

"Remember what the Phone Guy said. If you can't find them on your camera, they have to be right outside your door. So put down the camera and hit your door lights."

Just as she's putting the camera down to do so, there's a knock at the door. After promising to be back as soon as possible, I get up to go check it.

Opening the door, I find… Derpy? Huh. This is the first time I've seen her, really. Sure, I've seen her around town, but I never really got a chance to talk to her...

Noticing that I hadn't said anything for almost a minute after opening the door and seeing her, I say, "Um, hi. You're the mailmare, right?"

"Yep! My name's Derpina Hooves, but my friends call me Derpy, so you can too! Oh, right, I've got something in here for you..." As she says this, she reaches into her saddlebag, and pulls out… a muffin…

"Here you go!"

"Derpy, this is a muffin..."

Looking down to her hoof to see that I'm right, she says, "Oh, sorry. Here, you can still have it, just give me a second to find what I _actually_ have for you."

After a few more moments of digging through her saddlebag, she hands me an envelope with quite a few muffin crumbs on it. Brushing them off, I say, "Welp, thanks Derpy. Feel free to come by anytime. Right now though, I need to make sure Twilight didn't get her head stuck in the ceiling, or worse, punch her hoof straight through the screen of my laptop."

With that, I walk back inside and close the door behind me, doubtless leaving Derpy to wonder what I was talking about. I set the envelope down on the table, and slowly walk into my room, saying, "Okay, I'm back. What did I miss?"

"Nothing much. It hit 6:00 A.M., and I moved on to Night 2. My only question is, why would anypony even come back for a second night of this?"

"Well, first things first, it isn't a pony that you're playing, it's a human named Mike Schmidt, if I remember correctly. Second, I have absolutely no idea what could convince anyone to come back."

As I say this, I sit down next to her again, and for the next minute or so, everything seems to be going fine. Then the shit hits the fan.

"Uh, Joseph, I can't find the rabbit anywhere."

"Just put down the camera, Twilight."

Of course, as soon as she does, Bonnie is screaming in our faces like the little bitch he is, making Twilight scream like a little girl and jump almost two feet up above her chair, while I mutter under my breath, "Oh ho ho, you fucking..."

As the title screen comes back up again, Twilight says, "Joseph, I'm not sure I want to play anymore."

"Come on Twilight, one more try. It's not like you have to beat all five nights, I only have the demo for the game, so Night 2 here is the last one."

"Okay..."

She starts the night again, but before long she's completely freaking out. One look is all it takes to tell: she's biting her lip, she's sweating a bit, and she's sending way too much time looking at the cameras. By the time it reaches 3:00 A.M., she's already down to 34% power, which is _not _good.

And of course, as soon as she puts down the camera, Chica's at the right door, which means the power is going to run down even faster. Not even a minute later, Bonnie shows up at the left door too, and I just facepalm, because I know there's no hope of her winning now.

Two or three minutes later, she runs out of power, and after a short wait, Freddy shows up at the left door and starts playing Toreador March. Luckily, it seems to be the long one, so maybe… no, it wasn't even 5:00 A.M….

After another 30 seconds or so of the song, everything goes black, and after a while I can see that Twilight has been lured into a false sense of security since nothing is happening. Before I have a chance to warn her, however, Freddy pops up and scares the absolute shit out of her. I mean, she screamed again, but this time she _bolted _right out of my room, and as I hear the door slam against the wall, I'm assuming she's going to keep running until she gets back to the library…

Well, shit. That isn't exactly how I pictured this turning out. Sure, I wanted her to get scared, but I didn't mean for her to get so scared she ran right out of my fucking house! I swear… stuff like this is why I could never get a girlfriend. Well, that and the fact that I'm fucking weird and I probably would never have even got close to bringing a girl from my high school to my house, not that I had ever really wanted to.

Letting out a small sigh, I walk out of my room and go to close the door. Walking back, I see the envelope I had set down on the table earlier and decide to open it. As soon as I do, a cloud of purple gas shoots out at my face, and I'm out before I even hit the floor.

* * *

When I wake up, I'm sitting in a chair, and I try to get up, only to find that I'm actually tied to it. I swing my head back and forth looking to find whoever tied me up, and I see… Bon Bon…

"Oh, finally awake, huh? Good. Now, I'm going to ask you a question, and you're going to answer. How did you find out about me being a secret agent?"

I merely roll my eyes, saying, "Blame the internet."


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: OI! IF YOU HAVENT READ THE ACTUAL CHAPTER 19, BACK THE FUCK UP! READ THAT SHIT AND THEN COME BACK! Now, if you have read it, good, that means you can continue with the story without being really fucking confused. It may have been random filler, but some of the stuff in there will be important later on. And by later on I mostly mean right now. But I also mean later on! Now, time to respond to the one and only review!

annoyingprincess: Well too bad, I opened it anyway, deal with it!

Me: Now that that pile of horse shit-

Rainbow: HEY!

Me: Um, I mean, now that that's over with, let's move right on to the story…

* * *

More magic training. You know, when I asked Twilight to see about making me this magic ring here, I was expecting… well, I wasn't expecting this…

* * *

Let me explain. So, a nice long while ago, over six months ago to be exact(ish), I asked Twilight if gemstones could be used to store magic, because I wanted to be able to use magic, and in most wizard related myths back on Earth, gemstones _do _store magic. After a few weeks of researching and experimenting, Twilight not only proved that gemstones, along with some metals, can store magic, but discovered that a ruby has the greatest capacity for magic.

And so, the two of us went to Rarity's and got a fairly large ruby, though small enough to sensibly be put onto a ring. The next stop was a local jewelry store, run by Diamond Tiara's mother. Shocking, I know. We paid a fair amount of bits to get the ruby put into a ring, which of course happened to be gold.

So, with the ring I would have cool magic powers, right? Well, almost. The ring could only store so much magic, meaning I had a rather limited spell usage there. Whenever it ran out, I had to go talk to Twilight or another unicorn willing to do the job to get it charged up again. But even then, there was still one major problem: I didn't know how to do any fucking magic! I didn't even know how to _use _the magic in the ring, so we were right back at square one.

Obviously, Twilight had written a letter to Princess Celestia after making her discovery, so when we hit this particular issue, we went straight to the Princess for help. Unfortunately, she didn't know how I could access the magic in the ring either. Unicorns and alicorns have some instinctual method for drawing upon their magic, and while both Celestia and Twilight were able to confirm that there _was _magic in the ring, they had no clue how a being born without magic and completely disconnected from it could possibly draw upon magic, especially from within an object.

Defeated, I said, "Well, this isn't going to get us anywhere. If only we knew somepony who could use magic without a horn."

Immediately, Twilight jumped up, yelling, "Of course!"

Before either me or Celestia had a chance to question her, she was dragging me out of the castle.

* * *

So where did we go, to find a pony who could use magic without a horn? Well, maybe I shouldn't say pony… We went to Zecora's house, because, according to Twilight, "It wasn't anything big, or even extremely noticeable, but I _have _seen Zecora using magic before, and she doesn't have a horn! I can't believe I didn't notice it before now!"

When asked, Zecora's answer was, "I can use magic, it's true, but my method is quite different from you. I store magic inside of gold, because there is much that it can hold."

Twilight, being the inquisitive bookworm she is, asked, "But where are you getting the magic? And how are you using it?"

"Using a dance from my homeland, I bring magic from the air to where I stand."

I rolled my eyes, and said, "Good for you. Write that down if you care, Twilight. Sorry if I'm being rude, it's just that I don't need to know how you get the magic, I need to know how to access it and use it. We've got this ring here, already full of magic, but I don't know how to use the magic in it. So could you please explain to us how I can?"

"If that ring has magic inside, then first that magic is what you must find."

"How?"

"Meditation is the method it will take. Anything else, is just a mistake."

"Meditation. Got it. See ya!"

* * *

When we got back to the library, we decided to go ahead and give the meditation a try. I sat down on the floor, in the whole legs tucked, thumb and index finger touching, stereotypical meditation posture. Then I took a deep breath, before letting it out, saying, "Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm, ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, ummmm-"

"Joseph, what are you doing?"

"Meditating..."

"Then why all the noise?"

"Is that not how you meditate?"

Sighing, she replied, "No, no it isn't. Clearly you need somepony to teach you how to do it properly. Luckily for you, I'm right here. Now, what I want you to do is close your eyes and relax."

I did as she instructed, once again taking the stereotypical meditation posture.

"Good, now I want you to picture a stream, flowing from the center of your torso to all parts of your body and back again."

After about an hour of failure, I finally gave up, and yelled, "Fuck this shit! Twilight, _please_, can we try and find another way? Didn't you say something about Starswirl the Bearded having a few studies regarding this? There has to be _some_ mention of another method in there, right?"

"I suppose we could look through the Starswirl the Bearded Wing in the castle for something."

* * *

Once we got there, we searched for _hours_. The dude had hundreds, maybe a thousand studies for us to look through. Even after we found what we were looking for, a study titled "Magically charged gemstones and those without magic".

After the first few paragraphs, which explained what we already knew or assumed about what "those without magic" could do with a "magically charged gemstone", we find one sentence that tells us exactly what we want to know:

"For those without magic to access and use magic from within a magically charged gemstone, they must first…"

"What does it say, Twilight?"

"Go through months of meditation and training to recognize and bring out the magic within the gemstones, until they are able to do so at a moment's notice..."

I blinked a few times, turned around, and took out my phone. Pulling up Chrome, I went to YouTube and searched "Fuck this shit I'm out", and let it play and I noped out of the Starswirl the Bearded Wing.

* * *

A/N: Holy shit, this was just supposed to be something I was including before I got to the episode, but it turned out to be the whole damn chapter! Well then… Oh, and before anyone goes and tries to leave a review saying, "Oh, but Mr. Dragon Lord, Zecora doesn't do magic!", my advice to you is, go watch season 3, episode 5, and wait for Twilight to knock over Zecora's cup, and watch what she does _very_ closely. Of course, if you don't want to, feel free to go ahead and leave that review, then feel like an idiot when you finally do watch that episode. Also, I'm going to say it now, because of this unexpectedly turning out to be the entire chapter, I now have an entire little mini arc to put into the story before I finally write anything for episode 16. Oh, and if you read this and were disappointed that it _wasn't _episode 16, don't worry, I was at first too. I really wanted to write about the rainbow hot sauce I MEAN NOTHING! IGNORE THAT! I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING! DID YOU SAY SOMETHING? I KNOW I DIDN'T! I'M GOING TO END THE CHAPTER NOW, BYE! I'M SORRY FLUTTERSHY!


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: I apologize if this chapter is complete crap, but I lost the original document and so I had to completely rewrite it. Yay me… Here's the review responses…

2lewd4u: Wat? I tHiNk YoU gOt CaRrIeD aWaY wItH yOuR eIgHtS.

* * *

So, it's been a week since I noped out of the Starswirl the Bearded Wing. Yes, Twilight managed to persuade me to do the meditation. (She didn't have to try very hard, seeing as said meditation will give me magic, but meh) Which is exactly why I'm here, sitting in the library, bored as fuck and yet again attempting to do some meditation. That is, until I hear Twilight's timer dinging.

"Well, looks like another long session with no positive results. I'm gonna go on home, Twilight. See ya!"

I don't wait for a response, seeing as she's reading and likely didn't even hear me, and just walk out the door. Just like every other day this past week, it's already night when I walk out of the door, and just this once, something compels me to look up and gaze at the stars for a moment.

However, as soon as I do, I notice a weird green glow above the Everfree Forest. Oh _hell_ no. Weird glows in the middle of the night are never good. Especially when they're coming from a place like the Everfree Forest.

Welp, not much I can do about it. Guess I'll send a letter to the Princesses in the morning. Not my problem. It's not like it's anything dangerous… Right?

* * *

There, done writing the letter. Alright, now just one last look over it before I have Spike send it…

* * *

_Dear Princesses Celestia and Luna,_

_Last night, while returning home from yet another overly long "training" session with Twilight, I paused to look up at the sky, and noticed a strange green glow originating from the Everfree Forest. While I have nothing to go off of but said glow, it might be a good idea to send somepony to investigate, with a group of guards for protection._

_Out of curiosity, by chance is there a town deep within the Everfree Forest named Sunny Town, cursed so that the ponies who live there become zombies at night?_

_Your only human subject,_

_Joseph Ellis_

_P.S.: If there is such a town, don't ask me how I heard about it. You would never believe me._

* * *

Alright, all good.

"Okay Spike, here, shoot some fire at this and send it to the Princess."

I don't have to wait long, as just a few minutes later, Spike belches, spewing out green flames along with Celestia's response to my letter.

* * *

_Joseph, _

_This glow you mentioned concerns me, and as you suggested, I will have somepony search the Everfree for it's source. Or rather, some_human_. I will arrange for a single guard to accompany you, as you have shown that you are more than capable of defending yourself. I would suggest a search of the old castle, as numerous artifacts were left behind when I made the move to Canterlot. It is entirely likely that one of them is responsible for the glow you saw last night._

_As far as this "Sunny Town" you mentioned, I do not recall such a town, and certainly know nothing of a curse that would cause ponies to take the appearance of the undead upon nightfall. My sister is currently asleep, but I shall ask if she has heard of this "Sunny Town" when she awakes._

_Sincerely yours, _

_Princess Celestia_

_P.S.: You would be surprised at how much I am willing to believe._

* * *

Okay, seriously? She's sending _me _to look for whatever it was that caused the glow last night? And only one guard?!

Actually, you know what, I'll probably be just fine. It's the guard who's going to have to be careful.

* * *

After nearly ten minutes of running around in the Everfree, I come to a sudden stop and facepalm. I don't even fucking know where the castle is, let alone how to get there. Why the fuck was I leading the way?

"Soooooooo… I just realized I have no clue where we're even going. You _do _know where to find the old castle, right, Wind Chaser?"

"Are you kidding me? Ugh… Assuming you haven't got us horribly lost already, then yes. There should be a river _somewhere _around here. We find that, and we're back on track."

With that, Wind Chaser takes the lead, and in just a minute or two we hear the river, and it comes into view moments later.

"Looks like you weren't too far off after all, Joseph. Now all we have to do is-"

"Oh, I say, what might you two be? I don't think I've ever seen anything like you before."

No. I swear, if I turn around and see that fucking… sea serpent… goddammit…

Right in front of us, in the middle of the fucking river, is the gay sea serpent from episode 1. You know, the guy with the mustache? Wait a minute… Maybe he saw something!

"Well, believe it or not, I'm a human, and this here is a pony wearing an amulet that turns him into a human. Princess Celestia sent us here to investigate a weird green glow coming from the forest last night, so here we are. By chance do you know anything about it?"

"A green glow you say? Oh yes, I remember seeing it. The light, the way it shined on my mane, my mustache… it was simply horrid! Why, I can hardly bear just the memory of it!"

"Uh huh… I'm sure it was… Do you know what direction it came from?"

"The old castle, where else?! There's been something off about it ever since Nightmare Moon's return!"

"Well then, Wind Chaser, looks like we need to cross this river. Use your Molecular Generator to make two Clawshots for us, would you?"

Wind Chaser rolls his eyes, but does like I said and uses the Molecular Generator in his gauntlet to make two identical Clawshots. Not wasting a beat, I reach down and grab mine, quickly shooting across the river with it, leaving Wind Chaser to follow.

* * *

If I had to take a guess, I'd say it took us another 25 minutes or so to get to the castle from the river, so I'm willing to bet we got lost a time or two and Wind Chaser just didn't want to admit it.

Anyway, now that we're here, it's time to search for whatever caused the green glow… and for Nightmare Moon. Of course, I can't do that with Wind Chaser here, so…

"I think that we should split up, so that we cover more ground. We're looking for something that could have caused that glow last night, and it's not like there's an army of undead in here or anything like that, so we should be fine. Besides, I really don't want to be in this forest after nightfall."

"Okay then… I guess I'll just go this way."

As he says this, he gestures to a hallway on our left, and then proceeds to go off down said hallway. I just keep waking around, and once I'm sure that he's far enough away, I start quietly calling out, "Hello, anypony there? Nightmare Moon?"

Unfortunately, or perhaps _very_ fortunately, there's no response, so I just give on calling out for her and go back to looking around for something that looks like it could have caused the glow. However, just as I turn around the corner, I find myself looking into a pair of blue-green eyes with serpentine pupils.

"You called?"

* * *

A/N: There we go, I rewrote the chapter. Now, since I wrote this chapter _twice _for you guys, I'm holding the next one, which I've already written, hostage. Yes, you read that right, I'm holding the chapter hostage. The ransom is truly dreadful as well, a breathtaking, near impossible to achieve… 7 reviews. Oh, how truly evil of me! How will you ever meet my demands? Why, I don't know if you even _can_! I'M SORRY FLUTTERSHY!


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: Wow… Well, it's good to know that practically no one gets this far. Exactly 6 people read the last chapter before this was posted, and only 1 left a review. So that seven reviews I asked for… Yeah, good thing I hadn't actually planned on holding this chapter hostage… Anyway, Guest, thanks for trying. At least you actually managed to survive until chapter 21. I think I might just give up on this story, if people aren't even going to bother reading the newer chapters. I'll use this chapter to decide if continuing the story is even worth my time. Now, to continue where we left off...

* * *

"You called?"

Immediately, I jump back, yelling, "OH WHAT THE FUCK!"

"Strange, you're not a unicorn, but you just used magic… Ah, the magic is in the ring, I see."

Still calming down from the fucking jumpscare she gave me, and therefore not noticing that she spoke again, I attempt to reply, "Y-yeah, I called for you, but I didn't expect you to pop up and say hi two inches from my face! Just give me a second to catch my breath… Okay, first things first, any plans of eternal night, taking over Equestria, or any other such things that could be deemed as evil?"

"I've been roaming these halls as a cloud of smoke for nearly two years. I've had plenty of time to think, and I no longer hold any form of grudge towards Celestia… Though I doubt she and Luna would feel the same if they saw me n-"

"Wait, did you say something about me using magic earlier? How the fuck is that possible, I haven't even been able to sense the magic in this ring yet, let alone use it! ...Hold on, why do you know anything about drawing magic from gemstones in the first place?"

Nightmare Moon rolls her eyes before replying, "When you're alone in an ancient castle filled with numerous powerful artifacts, you experiment. One such experiment is the reason why you're looking at an alicorn and not a cloud of smoke right now. It's also very likely that very same experiment is the reason you're here."

I give her a puzzled look, and ask, "What the hell does that mean? Wait… The green glow last night was something _you _did?"

"Not directly, but yes, I caused it. Come with me, this will be easier to explain if I show you..."

Okay, this is just fucking weird. I meet Nightmare Moon, one of the more evil villains in the show, and as far as I can tell, she isn't angry or anything. In fact, she almost seems… sad.

My train of thought comes to a halt there, as she starts off back down the way she came, gesturing for me to follow.

* * *

Before long, we're in the throne room, and in the very center of the room is a gaping hole. Curious and worried, I walk over and peer into the hole, and see a gigantic, cracked crystal globe, as well as a solid gold statue of Princess Celestia.

"Uh, what's this?"

With a sigh, Nightmare Moon replies, "_That _is what I wanted to show you. The globe was originally one of Starswirl the Bearded's more questionable artifacts, as nopony could figure out what was so special about it. Celestia and I, or rather, Luna, decided to keep it, and even had statues made to go with it. Luna's statue was made from black marble, to represent the darkness of the night, while Celestia's was made of gold, to represent the brightness of the sun. Both statues depicted them reared back on their hind legs, with their wings outstretched, and the two statues were set back to back, so that the globe would be supported by their wings."

"You do recall how I said that I was nothing more than a cloud of smoke for the past two years, correct? Well, during those two years, I eventually noticed that the crystal globe there was filled with magic, and thought that perhaps I could use it to reform my body, but I could never figure out how to do it until last night. As soon as I figured it out, I cast a spell that would give me back my body, but the spell pulled in the Luna statue and used it to make my body, and without it the globe fell and cracked. The green glow last night was caused by magic leaking out of the globe."

I give her a quick nod, and then pulled out my phone to take a picture of the cracked globe. As soon as I take the picture, I turn to Nightmare Moon, and say, "As crazy as it sounds, I believe you about no longer holding a grudge, so tell you what; I'm going to show this to Celestia, but I won't mention you at all. You need to go to the Princesses and let them know that you're alive, but you need to do it when you're ready, and not before then. And even better, seeing as I'm the only living soul in Equestria right now that trusts you farther than they can throw you, I'll come and visit now and then, so that you won't have to be completely alone here all the time."

Nightmare Moon just looks at me like I'm a world class idiot who just asked her how to talk, but something tells me it's just a mask, and that beneath it she doesn't even know what to think of me, someone who knows all about her past but is still willing to give her a chance. Wait, she's not going to end up getting any feelings for me because of that, is she? Oh dear God, I hope not. That would be way to fucking awkward for me to handle.

Anyway, with that, I start on my way out, but a sudden and possibly suicidal idea hits me. Turning back to Nightmare Moon, I call out, "See ya, Moonbutt!"

Immediately I turn back around and start running, only to crash into Wind Chaser as soon as I round the corner.

"Either you found out what it was that caused the glow and for some reason got excited about it, or you were running from something. Which was it?"

"Uh, excited. Yeah, you see, I found this weird hidden chamber thing under the throne room, and there was this really huge crystal globe with a pretty big crack in it. If it had been full of magic, it might be able to explain the glow. Don't worry, I already took a picture of it, so we can go ahead and head back now. Really would prefer not to be in the forest at night..."

* * *

We were about halfway back to the river when I saw it. Well, when I say it, I mean her, but meh. Off to our right, barely visible through the trees, was… Ruby…

"Uh, Wind Chaser, go on without me, I just remembered a, uh, a thing I need to take care of. I'll meet you back in Ponyville before sundown..."

I hope…

"Okay, whatever, Joseph. If you don't though, can I keep Zarthig?"

Ignoring him, I trudge off after Ruby, not even stopping to think about what I'm going to do when I get there.

"Well hi! What might you be? A minotaur?"

I just glare at the pony in front of me, and after a moment, I force myself to reply in a calm, friendly manner, "I'm a human. You've probably never heard of us. My name's Joseph."

"Nice to meet you, Joseph. I'm Grey Hoof, party planner extraordinaire!"

"Yes… Nice to meet you too… Grey Hoof..."

For some reason, he seems completely oblivious to my poorly disguised anger, though I'm not really complaining. Taking a breath to regain my composure, I ask, "Grey Hoof, have you heard anything about a curse? You see, it's been getting ahold of everypony I know, but this one really old gypsy pony told me to find a town out here in the forest and speak to a pony named Mitta. She never really said why. Is the name familiar to you?"

I was just making this up as I went, hoping I would get lucky and be able to walk out of here with Mitta. So far, so good, but if I mess this up or stay here for too long, I'm screwed.

"Yeah, it is. She keeps to herself most of the time, but I can show you where she lives. Can't promise you'll be able to talk to her though. She hasn't exactly been herself these past few years."

With that, he starts off down the road, and I follow. After just a minute or two, he stops, saying, "This is it. Just give me a second."

I nod, and he walks up to the door and knocks, saying, "Mitta, you've got company!"

When there's no response, he sighs, and opens the door, saying, "Go on in. Doubt you'll be able to talk to her, but who knows?"

I nod again, and quickly slip inside, closing the door behind me. I take a quick look around, and then I spot Mitta, cowering in a corner, muttering to herself.

"Your name is Mitta, right? I came here to talk to you."

As soon as she hears my voice, she spins around to look at me, fear in her eyes. I quickly walk over to her, and whisper, "Don't worry, I already know what happens at night. Don't ask me how, but I know _everything_. I know what happened to Ruby, and I know you didn't have anything to do with it. I'm here because I know you don't deserve to sit here forever, blaming yourself for her death. Come on, I'm taking you out of here."

She mutters something as a response, but I can't quite make it out.

"Uh, what was that you said, Mitta? I didn't really hear you."

This time, she looks me right in the eye, and in a much louder voice, says, "It's too late! Look out the window!"

Oh shit. Did I lose track of the time at some point? I would've sworn the sun wasn't going down for a few more… hours… Shit. I look out the window, to see that the sun has already disappeared behind the trees on the other side of town, meaning I probably have less than ten minutes before this turns into a ponified version of CoD: Zombies.

A smile appears on my face again, and I turn to Mitta, saying, "Trust me. It's never too late, especially when you have some badass weapons."

Not giving her a second to question what I mean, I pick her up and run right out the door, sword in hand. Of course, Grey Hoof is still there, and I decide to take the opportunity to smack him in the face with the flat of my blade, not stopping for a second.

"Hey, Ruby! Mitta and I are leaving! Feel free to come with!"

* * *

When we finally get back to Ponyville, it's well after dark, so Mitta has the whole zombie thing going on. Glowing red eyes, decaying flesh, pretty bad smell… On another note, Ruby heard me when I yelled out for her back in Sunny Town, so she's here too, and with her being a ghost, I'm kinda disappointed that Nightmare Night already passed, because these two would've fit in perfectly.

Anyway, I keep running until we get to the library, Mitta still tucked under my arm and Ruby close behind. Before I knock on the door, I set Mitta down, saying, "You two go hide back behind this tree for now, I'll be over there in just a minute."

I watch as the two undead I brought back with me go around to the back of the library, and as soon as they're out of sight, I knock on the door, hoping that either Twilight or Spike is still awake so I don't have to barge in. Luckily, Twilight opens the door for me a few moments later, and I immediately ask, "Is Spike still awake? I need to send a letter to the Princess _now_. This _cannot_ wait until tomorrow."

"Okay… Well, I just put him to bed, but if it's really that urgent I suppose I could wake him up for you."

"Yes, please do. Where's some paper and something to write with?"

"Right over there at the desk..."

Not even waiting long enough to say thank you, I run right over to the desk and start writing the letter.

* * *

_Dear Princesses Celestia and Luna,_

_I believe that I found the artifact that caused the green glow last night, but there is something far more important that I have brought back to Ponyville with me. I need Luna, and only Luna, to come to Ponyville as quickly as possible. This is a matter of the utmost urgency, and it simply cannot wait for morning._

_Your only human subject,_

_Joseph Ellis_

* * *

"But Twilight, what's so important that it can't wait until tomorrow?"

"I don't know, but Joseph said he needs to get a letter to the Princesses _now_, so we need you to send it for him. I'm sure that you can go right back to bed after, he just needs to get his letter to Celestia as quickly as possible and you're the fastest way to do it."

Hearing the two of them coming down the stairs, I quickly roll up the letter and tie it with a ribbon, handing it to Spike before he even reaches the bottom step. With a deep breath that quickly becomes a yawn, Spike engulfs the letter if green flames, and I run right out the door, saying, "See ya, gotta go, bye!"

As soon as I have the door closed behind me, I run around to the back, where I thankfully find both Mitta and Ruby waiting.

"Okay, you two, in just a little bit Luna will be here, and then we'll be able to fix this. Well, what can be fixed that is."

* * *

A/N: Holy shit, I wrote half of this chapter in just one straight go. As soon as I was done with the castle, it's like the rest of the chapter just flew from my brain and into my computer. So, any ideas what's going to happen with Nightmare Moon? Mitta? If so, leave a review and tell me what they are, you might just be correct! I'M SORRY FLUTTERSHY!


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: God damn it's been a long time since I updated… Welp, here's the long awaited and many times delayed chapter 23. Anyway, now for the reviews.

Blazewriters69: (22) Yeah, well, hi to you too…

(2) Big whoop. Not gonna bother fixing it.

(8) Sure he can… I _totally _agree with you…

(11) No promises…

Dirada: Um… I think you misunderstood the question…

annoyingprincess: Try it and see what happens.

DragonLord RyuKizoku: Um… my friend left a revew with me signed in after I let him borrow my phone to read the story…

MisunNashoba: Oh, it was resolved, but other stuff kept getting in the way of 0-Blazing Sun-0 editing the chapter, so I ended up having to do this one myself. But anyway, great to see that you still exist and are reading the story!

Dudefoxlive: Thanks, I will. Just make sure to tell me what you think when you finally get to this point, because honestly, the first two chapters can't possibly prepare you for the War arc, or the mindfucking that's to come.

ON TO THE STORY!

* * *

Welp, there's the chariot. Now to see how much of a bitch Luna is gonna be about this…

I watch as Luna flies down from the chariot, and walk up to meet her. Just as I'm about to ask her to follow me around to the back of the library, however, she says (in the Royal Canterlot Voice), **"JOSEPH, WE HAVE ARRIVED AS THOU REQUESTED. WHAT IS THIS URGENT MATTER THAT REQUIRES OUR IMMEDIATE ATTENTION?"**

I pick myself off the ground (yeah, she knocked me on my ass with her _voice_), saying, "Royal Canterlot Voice. Could you maybe, oh I don't know, _not _use it for a little while?"

"But this is the Royal Canterlot Voice. It is tradition to use the royal 'we' and to use **THIS MUCH VOLUME WHEN ADDRESSING OUR SUBJECTS.**"

Standing up _again_, I say, "Yeah, maybe, and I hate to break it to you, but by technicality I'm not your subject, so that tradition wouldn't really apply to me. Now, if you would follow me, I'll show you what I called you here for..."

With that, I make my way around to the back of the library, and say, "Here we are. Luna, say hello to Mitta..."

I'm already expecting a bad reaction to this, but hopefully-

"Wh-what is this?! How DARE thou bring this… this ABOMINATION before us?!"

Before she has a chance to do anything, I quickly move between her and Mitta, saying, "Whoa, calm down, Luna. Mitta here is a perfectly nice pony once you get past the rotting flesh and glowing eyes. Yes, I know all about what happened there in that town, but she didn't have anything to do with it, and she's been beating herself up over it ever since. Now, am I correct in saying that you're the one who put this curse on the residents of the town?"

Glaring at me, Luna replies, "Yes, that is correct, though thou will now move and allow us to take care of this _creature_ before it has a chance to corrupt the ponies of Ponyville. Thou are correct as well in saying that it had nothing to do with the murder of that filly, but yet it did nothing nothing to stop it either. Now stand aside, or we will have to move thou ourselves."

As I watch, Luna charges up a spell, and without thinking, I reach out and grab her horn. To my relief, that does stop her from firing the spell. Okay, so now that I've stopped her from killing Mitta for a second…

Oh god. Please don't tell me this is gonna be one of those things where horns are… _sensitive…_

As the thought passes through my mind, I look down to Luna's face, and see her eyes even wider than usual, a blush across her cheeks, and… Yeah, this is gonna be one of those… Fuck.

I nervously let go of her horn and back away, saying, "Uh, sorry..."

After a moment, Luna comes back to her senses, and her expression quickly changes to one of anger. And something tells me it's not directed towards Mitta anymore… Not wasting a beat, I turn and start running, only to be caught by her magic. Wait… Luna's magic isn't this color…

Albeit with some difficulty, I turn my head and see Twilight standing back behind Luna, her horn glowing with her magic.

"What is going on here?!"

"It's not what it looks like! I swear! ...Oh, who am I kidding, I don't even know _what_ it looks like…"

Luna glares at me, then turns to Twilight, saying, "As thou may know, Joseph called us here for an 'urgent matter' that required our immediate attention. However, when we arrived, we found that he had brought a _monster _back with him from deep within the Everfree. We were preparing a spell to eliminate the _creature_ when Joseph_ violated _us by **GRABBING OUR HORN**!"

"I didn't know! We don't exactly have unicorns and alicorns where I'm from, so excuse me if I didn't know that touching your horn would get you off! I just didn't want you to kill an innocent pony who has done _nothing _wrong!"

At that, Twilight gets a very confused look on her face, and asks, "Innocent pony? But Luna just said it was a monster… AAH! WHAT IS THAT?!"

Judging from Twilight's reaction, she only just now noticed Mitta standing over to the side. Great. Now I have another pony freaking out over this...

"This is Mitta, from Sunny Town, a place you should never go to. Unlike all the other ponies there, Mitta isn't flat out crazy, she actually cares about other ponies and warns them to stay away from the town, when she isn't locked up in her house and hating herself for something that happened over a thousand years ago. I won't go into detail, but because of what happened there's a certain little ghost filly walking around here somewhere. Luna here freaked out and cursed the entire town, including Mitta, even though she had nothing to do with it. I brought Mitta here so that Luna could break the curse or whatever, but it doesn't look like _that_ is going to happen..."

"I..I...I, it's not our fault! How were we to know? She -"

Before she gets any further, Twilight cuts her off, saying, "Not to interrupt, but maybe we should take this inside before we wake up all of Ponyville."

* * *

Thirty minutes of yelling later, we still hadn't come to an agreement. Luna's just as stubborn as I am apparently. Anyway, that's how long it took before Twilight got smart and said, "Alright, this doesn't seem to be working. Do you think you could try _reasoning_ with each other instead of yelling?"

"Okay, I'll go first. Luna, remember how you were on the moon for a thousand years, and then when you came back and were turned back to normal, you were forgiven? Well, Mitta went through practically the same thing, but for I don't even want to know how many more years, and oh yeah, instead of attempting to take over a kingdom, her horrible crime was doing nothing. Your turn."

"How does thou know we were banished to the moon?!"

"Uh… Well, it wasn't exactly kept secret. The

* * *

re _is _a book about it."

With a sigh, Luna replies, "It does not matter. We see thine point. We shall remove our curse from this 'Mitta'."

"YAY!"

We all turn to look at the stairs, and who else would we see but Pinkie. And because at least one of us has to, Twilight asks, "Pinkie, how long have you been here?"

"Since the beginning of the chapter, silly!"

* * *

Of course, because Pinkie is Pinkie, before the sun even came up again, everypony in Ponyvile, me included, knew of her plan for Mitta's surprise party the next day, except for Mitta herself. My job was simple; distract Mitta and stall for time until I'm given the sign that the preparations are complete. However, that didn't mean I couldn't sleep first.

Bringing Mitta along, I go back to my house and into my room, quickly scanning my bed and creating a second one by the conveniently empty adjacent wall, then climb into my own bed. Just before I fall into the clutches of sleep, I feel a new weight on top of me, but drift off before I have a chance to think about it.

When I wake up, I see Mitta laying on top of me, with a small puddle of drool collected on my chest. I reach out to shake her awake, but she suddenly jerks in her sleep, causing her to roll off of me, and then the bed. I lift myself onto one arm to check if she's okay, only to see her groggily raise her head and let out a yawn.

"Come on, we need to see about a more permanent housing arrangement for you if you're going to stay in Ponyville. My house really wasn't made for two..."

Pinkie's planning was actually so thorough that she actually had set up a schedule for my visits, and drilled into my head the order that I see them, so that my cover would remain intact as I was stalling Mitta, and they would still be able to do the jobs Pinkie had assigned them. First, of course, was Fluttershy, so as soon as we finish our quick breakfast we head over to her cottage.

* * *

After a short while, I knock on her door, and she answers, only to jump back and cower behind it as soon as she sees Mitta.

"Y-you're zombie p-pony, aren't you? Wh-what are you d-doing here?"

With a sigh, I say, "Fluttershy, this is Mitta. She's a very nice pony, and is _not_ a zombie – well, not anymore… Anyway, she slept at my house last night, but my house isn't exactly made for two, so I was hoping you could-"

Before I can even finish my sentence, she slams the door in my face, saying, "No no, I'm very busy, uh, taking care of my animals. Mr. Bear is actually very sick, so I can't have anypony staying over for a while. Yes, that's it."

I roll my eyes at her excuse, but I have to go with it if I'm to keep Mitta distracted. Next is Rarity, which should be quite interesting. First the Element of Kindness, and now Generosity, are having to refuse to let a helpless pony stay with them even for a few days.

* * *

Ah. So Rarity tried to avoid the issue altogether, by putting an "Out to Lunch" sign on the door. Ignoring it, I knock anyway, and after a moment the stylish unicorn opens the door slightly and peeks around it, saying, "I do apologize, darling, but a truly enormous order came in the other day, and I simply can't be bothered until I've completed it."

Before she closes the door again, I place my hand against it to stop her, and say, "This is Mitta. She's new to Ponyville and has nowhere to stay, so I was thinking perhaps she could room up with you, possibly even help out with the Boutique?"

"Perhaps later darling, but now I really _must_ get back to work, there's simply too much to do right now for me to go through the hassle of letting another pony move in with me."

At that, she gives me a light shove with her magic, allowing her to close the door and "go back to work". Well, at least Rarity's excuse was more convincing than Fluttershy's. Anyway, next is the Apple Family, and for the life of me I can't figure out how they'll pull it off, Applejack especially.

(A/N: No, I seriously have no clue how they would, so I'll just skip them, and I suppose all the others while I'm at it.)

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A/N: Sorry this took so long, but due to several factors, I ended up having to post the chapter without any editing. The party will be included in the next chapter I guess. But anyway, I have a few things I want to say:

1\. Go check out BlazeWriters69, I'm working as his beta and his story is pretty good in my opinion.

2\. Any of my old reviewers still reading this? Spikedash115 for example? Haven't seen a review from any of you but Misun in a good while, just starting to wonder.

Anyway, hope you all liked it! I'll have the next chapter up as soon as I manage to write out the party, but seeing how much I suck at doing just that, no promises about the length. See ya then!


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR! Yeah, I don't have anything else to say... Reviews?

Hi23456: Well, you see, i had this friend on Steam, going by the name Fluttershy (who could do the voice perfectly, and at one point nearly got the role) and she read the first few chapters, but after that one joke with Twilight, she freaked out a bit. So, the "I'm sorry Fluttershy" is me apologizing for not warning her.

* * *

On to the story!

After Rarity, Mitta and I go to Sweet Apple Acres to get denied yet again, as planned. When we get there, I knock on the door, and instead of Applejack, Big Macintosh answer it, to my surprise.

"Oh, hey Big Mac, is Applejack here?"

"Nope."

"Huh. Well then, I'll just have to ask you. This here is Mitta, and she doesn't have anywhere to stay at the moment. Do you think that-"

"Nope."

Well that was a little too sudden, if you ask me, but okay. NEXT!

* * *

Before long, we arrive at Sugarcube Corner to ask Mr. and Mrs. Cake, and are greeted at the door by Pinkie.

"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! HI! I'm Pinkie Pie! You're that zombie pony I saw last night, right?"

"Yes, and her name is Mitta. Are Mr. and Mrs. Cake home?"

Before Pinkie has a chance to answer, Mrs. Cake walks up behind her, saying, "Oh, hello Joseph. What do you need?"

"Could Mitta here stay in a spare room for a few days, at least until we find a more permanent arrangement for her?"

"I don't think so. We do have an extra room, but it's being used for storage right now. Perhaps another time?"

"Okay then, thanks anyway. Guess we'll just be going now."

* * *

Last on the list is Twilight. Why last? Because the party is at her library, of course. But obviously, Mitta doesn't know that, so I act just as I did with the others. Seeing as we woke up pretty late before this, it's already started to get dark, and for some reason, the lights are off in the library. I go up to knock, but as I do, the door swings open all on its own.

Turning to Mitta, I say, "I guess we go in?"

She responds with a shrug, and we walk in, only for the lights to suddenly flash on and a great many voices scream, "SUPRISE!"

Knowing that this would happen before I even knocked on the door, my only reaction is a smirk, but Mitta is clearly surprised, jumping back a bit and lifting a hoof. Before either of us has a chance to move, Pinkie rushes over, grabs me by the hand and Mitta by her raised hoof, then drags us over to the- Since when is there a dance floor in the library?! And how did Vinyl get those huge speakers in here?!

Anyway… With that, Pinkie runs off again, to do who knows what, leaving us surrounded by a crowd of dancing ponies. I look to Mitta, give a quick shrug, and pull out my signature move, which I call, "Rough Water." I squat a bit, put my arms out in front of me, waving them both, and shake my legs along with the music. As I dance, Mitta just stares at me, likely wondering what the hell I'm doing.

"Come on, Mitta, can't you dance? You don't have to be any good, just have fun with it!"

She continues to stare for a moment, then shakes her head before… Ok, I don't even know how to describe what she's doing… But she seems to be enjoying a bit, so I guess it's okay?

* * *

We continue dancing for a while, but eventually we start to tire out, so we both walk away from the dance floor to get some punch. I pick up a cup to pour myself some, only for Pinkie to jump out of the cup and start talking to Mitta.

"Heyareyouhavingagoodtimebecauseitlookedlikeyouwerewhenyouwereovertheredancingbutnowyou'reheregettingsomepunchsomaybeyou'renothavingfunanymoreohihaveanidealet'sgoplaysomepartygames!"

Before she can protest, let alone process everything Pinkie just said, the party pony drags her off, leaving me alone by the punch bowl. I glance back to my cup, then the punch bowl, and just drop the cup in a nearby trash bin. I look around for something to do for a while to entertain myself, and after a moment spot Rainbow hoof wrestling with somepony.

I walk over, and just as I come up behind her opponent, she slams his hoof against the table. He gets up and disappears into the crowd that has built up around her, and before anypony else has a chance, I slide into the chair opposite Rainbow and place my arm on the table. She smirks, and says, "Are you sure you're up for this? Nopony here has been able to beat me yet, and I doubt you'll be the one to pull it off."

I roll my eyes, saying, "Well, maybe not, but even if I lose, at least I get to spend time with the most awesome pony in Ponyville."

She lets out a laugh, and we begin. For a while, neither of us can make the other budge, but after a minute or two I start to give in a little. Not wanting to lose so easily, I put more force into it, but still can't gain back the distance that I lost, however small it may be. After another minute, a wicked idea comes to me, and I lean forward a small bit to whisper to Rainbow Dash, "You know, you're actually kinda cute when you're so focused on something."

Which, of course, causes her to sputter, losing said focus and giving me an opening to slam her hoof against the table, which I do without hesitation. I sit back in my chair, a smirk on my face, as Rainbow realizes what happened and yells, "Hey, not fair! You cheated! I want a rematch!"

I just laugh, and say, "Rainbow, I don't think using what I have available to me, or exploiting a weakness within my opponent, can truly be considered cheating. However, regarding a rematch… Perhaps at my house tomorrow?"

"You're on!"

With that, I stand up and walk over to where the party games are set up, looking for Mitta. However, she's nowhere to be seen, and Pinkie is over by the wall, playing one of the several games. Tapping her on the shoulder, I ask, "Pinkie, do you know where Mitta went?"

"I think so! She said she needed some time alone, and went upstairs. I think she's on the balcony? I don't really know, the chapter ends three paragraphs from now."

I facepalm, trying not to think too hard about what she said, and respond, "Pinkie. Pon pon pata pon."

"But I don't want to attack anypony right now. That would ruin the party!"

Of course she understood what that meant...

* * *

A/N: Yes, I ended that quite suddenly, but hey, I did my best. Be glad I managed to make the party as long as it is! Anyway, the next chapter is already written, so I'll upload it Monday.


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: Ok, so, before I even get started, I need all of you to open a new tab and go check out Wandering Equestria by Blazewriter69. JUST DO IT! MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE! But yeah, seriously, go read his story, there is gonna be a crossover thing. Kinda. Again. It was his idea, not mine, but I support it 100%. Also, he made me realize something I never would have otherwise: In the story, it's only 2 more months until I turn 18! Why is that important to you all? Well, you'll have to wait and see.

Here are my responses to the reviews!

* * *

Wait, what reviews... Nevermind...

* * *

(Now, I know some of you have been wondering what it was that happened at the end of chapter 19. To be completely honest, the reason I ended it there is because at the time even I didn't know what happened. Well, just for you, I finally figured it out, so here ya go!)

When I wake up, I'm sitting in a chair, and I try to get up, only to find that I'm actually tied to it. I swing my head back and forth looking to find whoever tied me up, and I see… Bon Bon…

"Oh, finally awake, huh? Good. Now, I'm going to ask you a question, and you're going to answer. How did you find out about me being a secret agent?"

I merely roll my eyes, saying, "Blame the internet."

Seconds after the words leave my lips, the rest of the room lights up, and I see a group of ponies over to the side, along with Celestia herself. One of them in particular sticks out, however, looking like a ponified James… Oh hell no. I fucking swear, if he comes up and says-

"The name's Bond. Saving's Bond."

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!"

At that, all of them stop, looking pretty confused as to what caused my outburst. Sighing, I say, "In my world, there's this famous secret agent named James Bond. You just said your name exactly like he does when he's introducing himself. Now please, for the sake of my sanity, tell me you aren't one."

"Well, I'm a banker. But then again, by that same token, 'Bon Bon' just has a sweet shop. It's just my cover. Sorry about that, but before you go completely insane on us, we need you to be a bit more specific than 'blame the internet'."

Oh, fuck. Welp, good thing this will only have to be a partial lie...

"So, Equestrian Secret Service, right? Of course you are. Well, one day I got bored. And when I get bored, I either find something else to do, or I make stupid decisions. This was one of the times I made a stupid decision. I pulled out my laptop, and I found your database. Yes, it was protected. But trust me when I say you need to get better security on it. All you had keeping me out was a password. It was 'Sunbutt'."

* * *

A/N: Alright, now here comes the actual chapter. I just wanted to throw that in to answer some questions, and create a few more. Anyway…

ON TO THE STORY!

* * *

After Mitta's "Welcome to Ponyville" party yesterday, I went back to my normal schedule, aka more magic training, aka more sitting around for hours hoping for some results.

Anyway, now, as I'm sitting here doing absolutely nothing, I think back to Nightmare Moon, and everything that happened with her. Which of course brings me back to when she fucking jumpscared me, and more specifically, the comment she made immediately afterward.

_"Strange, you're not a unicorn, but you just used magic… Ah, the magic is in the ring, I see."_

If I accidentally fired off my magic, that means that at the very least, I've subconsciously discovered it, which is only a small step away from truly discovering it. Alright, so, thinking about this logically, I would have to draw the magic from the ring into myself before I could actually use it. For me to be able to just fire it off by accident would mean that it already is inside of me. Well, some of it at least. Alright, so, if it's inside me, it shouldn't be too hard to find…

With that thought in mind, I send out my mind's eye, picturing energy flowing out from the core of my body, and then back again. At first glance, there's absolutely nothing, but after concentrating for a good while, I eventually notice a small string of energy moving on its own against the flow, eventually reaching my core and swirling around as a mass of red, black, and gold. The strangest part is, it feels as if it belongs, like it's actually a part of me.

Curious, I give the string a gentle tug, and instantly the mass in my core grows larger, though the extra begins slowly leaking away, and I get a strange tingling feeling all over. After a moment, Twilight lets out a squeal, saying, "Joseph! I think you did it! Look!"

I immediately open my eyes to do so, and see a faint, but still noticeable swirling mass of those same three colors, red, black, and gold, covering my entire body, though it completely fades after a few seconds, and the tingling feeling goes with it.

"I would ask if that's normal, but I doubt you'd be able to answer that."

"Well, that doesn't happen to unicorns, if that's what you're asking, though that might just be because you don't have a horn to focus the magic. Speaking of which, what was going on with the color? That was my magic in the ring, so what happened to change the color like that?"

"Well, the magic was kind of flowing inside of me, so if I had to guess, it changed to suit me. Maybe over time, it changes composition to match a new owner?"

With a sigh, Twilight says, "I guess that could explain it, but there's no way to test it to find out for sure. Oh well… At least now we can get to the fun part of the training!"

"Twilight, by 'the fun part', you don't mean..."

Before I can even finish my sentence, she pulls a chalkboard and desk out of fucking nowhere, and starts talking.

* * *

Two hours later, having retained exactly none of what she said, I walk up to Twilight and clamp her mouth shut with my hand, saying, "Twilight, this isn't working for me. Long lectures may work for some ponies, but for me, you're just wasting your breath. Maybe we could try a more hands on approach?"

With that, I let go and allow her to speak. "Hands on?"

"Uuuuugggggggghhhhhhh. Freaking ponies and your horse puns. Okay, instead of a long lecture, or a book, or any other such thing, how about you just tell me what I need to do, and I attempt to do it. Sound good?"

A/N: So, looks like the magic is finally a thing in this story, and about time too! Of course, I could have waited a lot longer and slowly worked towards it, and eventually get the hang of it some time around chapter 50, but I didn't do that, and for good reason. Not that I'm going to tell you the reason. Also… I'M SORRY FLUTTERSHY! (Have I apologized enough yet?)


	26. Chapter 26: Progress Update

Okay guys, rewrite version of chapter 12 is up. Pretty interesting, so I wouldn't recommend skipping it


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